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XP: WAH + New Nanny + Separation Anxiety... HELP!

FullHeartMamaFullHeartMama
in Attachment Parenting

DS has never been in the care of someone else but myself, DH and my mother one time during his entire life (I just started working again). I work from home. We just hired a new nanny and today was her first day. DS played for a bit, but would repeatedly have meltdowns of screaming and crying, looking around for me, crawling out of the area they were playing and trying to find me.

I was working in the other room and didn't want to hover too much - I want our nanny to feel comfortable and competent. But I felt like I should go out and just make sure things were alright. I would pick him up and he'd put his head on my shoulder and stop crying. This happened repeatedly over the course of the 3 hours she was here.

Is this going to be harder for DS because he's 8 and a half months old? 

Should I just remain in the other room, or should I try to comfort him when I can tell that he's not immediately calming down? The nanny took him for a long walk outside and that seemed to distract him for a bit.

Any suggestions for helping us all get in the swing of things sooner than later? 

Thanks for any suggestions!!!
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Re: XP: WAH + New Nanny + Separation Anxiety... HELP!

  • ryry1977ryry1977 member
    I think that you need to stay out of the room and let her deal with him.  Or he will continue to cry for you.  He needs to learn that he can trust her and seek comfort from the nanny.  I know that is real hard for you to listen to him, but it shouldn't last too many days.
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  • FullHeartMamaFullHeartMama
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    As I WAH mom I think you need to "go to work" and let your nanny handle things while you are at work. I know it is really hard, but it is really the best thing you can do. I think everything else you do will just drag out what is likely to be a painful but brief transition.

    Have a going to work ritual so your kid starts to understand the transition. If you can take predictable breaks (can you block out lunch?) rather than pop out from time to time.

     What I strive for is the following: When the nanny comes I spend about 20 mins letting the kids adjust. She usually gets one of the kids dressed at this time. I then tell my daughter I am going to work and kiss her and then step into my office (which is gated so she can't come it). I do try to come out for lunch since it is busy time for the nanny but I do limit this to 30 mins. Of course there are some days I can't do this as I have something urgent at work. After that I try not to come out until 5:00. If I need to be out to run an errand I try to do this at nap time since it seems to be very disruptive.

    I've done this for 2 years and overall I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However there certainly are days I wished I worked in an office. My older kid will go to preschool in the fall (mornings only) and I think that will be really good for everyone.

    Such a good idea. Thank you!!!

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  • KCKappaKCKappa member
    I definitely agree with the "going to work" plan, BUT I would say if it's possible the first couple of days at least you might want to spend a good amount of time playing with your LO and nanny so he can get used to this new person with the comfort of mommy close by. That may not be an option when you're supposed to be working, so could you ask the nanny to come over for an hour when you're not working (evening, weekend, etc)? Then once you've given him a chance to get used to her, I'd definitely stick to letting the nanny work through issues on her own and scheduled "visits" during the day such as lunch time.
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  • missisuemissisue
    I have the same work setup you described. My babysitter comes for three hours a day, three days a week. The first month was HARD. LO would only be content with her for 20 minutes at a time. I went against the previous advice, and I went to soother her when she was crying (she was only 4 months old, though). I didn't get much work done for a couple weeks, but it was more important to me that LO not be upset and crying. Fast forward a couple months, and now LO absolutely lights up when she sees the babysitter at the door. I take a break when I hear LO getting fussy and will BF her, but for the most part, she now happily plays with the babysitter and will even fall asleep if the babysitter wears her.
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