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Bedsharers - some questions
Okay, so, I didn't even really realize we *were* bedshares until Schmoodle commented about it the other day! Ha! I guess we're just on autopilot and do what we feel we need to/ should to do help everyone sleep, and this is where we ended up. . .
Short version is that DD was an okay sleeper, then started waking in the middle of the night. It took forever to get her back to sleep in her mini PnP, but if I put her beside me in the crook of my arm, she feel asleep quickly. And so it began. Now, I cannot sleep like this at all (my arm/ back get sore). So, as time went on, it fell to DH.
Sometimes now I'll have her if DH gets up before we do, and she's SO restless, so I end up just kind of putting her beside me vs. in the crook of my arm. (I think she's restless because she doesn't feel as "secure" as she does with DH. I wish we could still swaddle her - but she's a crawling, almost walking, super strong 9 month old for crying out loud! Anyway.) I'm not really "sleeping" at this point, I make sure the covers are pulled down, etc. And she wiggles and rolls all around; it's kind of cute. If I let her do this I move DH's pillows so that they're vertical (a barrier to the edge of the bed) and she rolls up against them and back to my side again.
DH is going to be out of town for a week very soon, and I need to figure out how to make this work on my own.
If you bedshare, do/ did you hold or "secure" your LO? (If so, until what age?) Or did he/she have free reign?
If it's ever just you (no DH), do you block the edge of the bed somehow? Pillows (as I've been doing, but not while asleep) seem like an obvious suffocation hazard.
eta: If we've been doing something horribly wrong, please go gentle on me! Like I said, this kind of just snuck up on us, and now that I realize it plus with DH going out of town, I'm trying to educate myself and make it right.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bedsharers - some questions
Dillon didn't start bed-sharing until he was older and at that point I just let him have full reign of the bed. He barely moves so I was never really concerned. I do place pillows on both sides of him until we go to bed, but he was at the age where I wasn't really concerned about suffocation.
Maybe buy a bedrail?
ETA - there is nothing wrong with bed-sharing people have been doing it for centuries. The only time it is a problem is when YOU personally find it to be problem-some.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
We've bedshared since day one. They sleep in their cribs about 25% of the time, more now that they're getting older.
I usually stuff a pillow (or rolled up blanket) UNDER the fitted sheet to block the edge. For some reason, this seems a bit safer than a free standing pillow (no literature, just my observation). They sleep in the middle of the bed with me on one side. My H works nights (military), so its usually just me and them. They pretty much have free reign of the bed, but they don't really roll around when they sleep. I would be less inclined to co-sleep if they were rollers. I'd worry about pillows and rolling off the edge.
Lately, I've been letting them fall asleep like this and moving them to their cribs (also in our room) to give them more space to stretch out when they sleep. Some nights one or both end up back in bed with me.
I would make sure there's no loose bedding, I'd keep pillows far away from her and as long as you are comfortable and its a safe area, I think you're absolutely fine.
At that age, I think I still at least tried to keep him in the crook of my arm, but he'd often roll away in the middle of the night. I always put him in TOP of the covers so he couldn't pull them over his face, and made sure there were no pillows near him. I tended to sleep pretty lightly with him there until he was much older (he still sleeps with us but now I sleep more soundly) and often would spoon him. The one or two nights when DH was gone, I made a pillow barrier so he wouldn't fall off DH's side of the bed and then tucked him under my armpit with his head on my shoulder and he stayed that way most of the night. Otherwise I'd recommend a bedrail?
Ditto. In many cultures (including those with EXTREMELY low incidences of suffocation/SIDS/etc.) its the norm. Most (not all) bedsharing tragedies occur because of unsafe bedsharing (alcohol, heavy bedclothes, etc.).
I find it to be a problem because I can't sleep! But, DH can, so it's been working for us thus far
(I can sleep with her in the bed, just now while holding her like she likes.)
No, no, I know that's not what you mean. I don't find it a problem, in any other way, but I am being a bit paranoid now as it seems that something always goes "wrong" (someone gets hurt) when DH is out of town, and I'm not in the mood for that right now!
We started bedsharing two weeks ago because we could no longer take the sleep deprivation. DD was up an average of 10-12 times a night. Not acceptable. And all she wanted was to be held. So for now I sleep with her in our queen bed and DH sleeps alone in the guest room! I either have her on her back in the crook of my arm while I lie on my side or sometimes, when all else fails, she sleeps on my chest. I wear a long-sleeved shirt and use a quilt up to my waist. It's not ideal but she only wakes twice now and I just nurse her lying down and go right back to sleep. We're all so much happier! You do what you have to do!
Ditto!!
Now that she is older, I don't worry so much about her falling off the bed but she does take over most of the space!!!
As long as bed-sharing is done safely, there is nothing you should feel bad about!!
DD has slept with us on and off since she was about 6 months. For a few months it was the only way she'd sleep, and now it's from about 5am until the kids get up for the day -6:30ish.
DH wasn't comfortable being in the bed with us when she was smaller, so DD and I slept in the guestroom with the mattress on the floor, pushed up against the wall. I slept on the outside and she slept between me and the wall.
As she got bigger and more mobile (around your DD's age) she wouldn't stay put so we put up a bed rail. Then, she started trying to climb over it. Thankfully at that point she also started staying in her crib overnight.