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Thought I would share my homework from thearpy..

DomesticDiva0429DomesticDiva0429 member
in Preemies

My therapist suggested that I make a list of the positive things about being a preemie mom. First, let me say that I blew up on him...at first..This wasn't easy for me but I wanted to share my list and invite you to add your own..It is short but it is a start to a better way of thinking..

1) I will/did enjoy pregnancy in a way I can't explain because I know the importance of 1 extra day of being pregnant.

2) My son is more than my baby, more than a blessing, he kept me sane and gave me a will to live before he could breath on his own...His strength was and is amazing

3) Being a preemie mom makes every moment with my son special..It doesn't matter if I am tired or busy, happy or sad..every time I see him do something new or old it makes me smile...no matter how inappropriate or loud or annoying it may seem to some to me it is a blessing.

Born 27wks 3 day 2 lbs 10 oz 15 inches image My BFP chart BabyName Ticker
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Re: Thought I would share my homework from thearpy..

  • njdcgirlnjdcgirl member

    Nice list.  It's hard sometime to see the positive, but I always feel so much better when I relook at an issue in this way. 

    In addition to the ones you listed, here are a  few more, for me:

    1. I met some amazing new friends in the NICU, who shared this bond with me (one which none of us wanted or would choose!), and who I will feel connected to for the rest of my life.

    2. I have a new appreciation for the medical field, and the men and women who are doctors, nurses, etc.  Everyone that works in the NICU has my admiration and respect in a way I didn't know before being a preemie mom.

    3. My entire level of empathy has grown (for people in all situations, not just preemie moms.)  It's made me realize that we all have our burdens and fights, and after going what we went through, I have a lot more empathy for others.

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  • SweetPeaKateSweetPeaKate member

    1. The ability to have sleepless nights at home is a blessing. The crying for food and other needs is a sign of a healthy, strong, and growing baby.

    2. Seeing my son outgrow clothes isn't sad. Yes, he will "never be that small again", but he wasn't supposed to be that small. Growing wasn't always a given-every ounce is a blessing.

    3. The NICU stay was the most stressful and most inspiring experience I might ever have in my life. 

    4. I have a new found interest in the medical field, not to mention indescribable appreciation for the men and women that spend years learning their field. 



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  • DenesdiaDenesdia member

    1. Being a preemie mom twice helped me to acknowledge how important and often underappreciated that a preemie dad may be.  My preemies validated my choice for a husband and a father to them.

    2.  Some specific NICU memories will not leave me and they make me appreciate milestones at home even more.  I remember what it felt like to wait for days to hold my new baby. I remember planning for my DD's funeral while waiting for her to come out of her 2nd surgery.  I remember celebrating when DD had a bowel movement because then I knew that we had beaten NEC. 

    3. Over time, being a preemie mom helped me to embrace the idea that every baby deserves a celebration, regardless of when they arrive.  This sounds so simple, but sometimes it was easier to focus on the trauma than the gift of a new life.  I cannot begrudge other women for their good health and uneventful pregnancies.  Every baby is a miracle even if their road was not as bumpy as ours.

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  • DomesticDiva0429DomesticDiva0429 member
    imagenjdcgirl:

    Nice list.  It's hard sometime to see the positive, but I always feel so much better when I relook at an issue in this way. 

    In addition to the ones you listed, here are a  few more, for me:

    1. I met some amazing new friends in the NICU, who shared this bond with me (one which none of us wanted or would choose!), and who I will feel connected to for the rest of my life.

    2. I have a new appreciation for the medical field, and the men and women who are doctors, nurses, etc.  Everyone that works in the NICU has my admiration and respect in a way I didn't know before being a preemie mom.

    3. My entire level of empathy has grown (for people in all situations, not just preemie moms.)  It's made me realize that we all have our burdens and fights, and after going what we went through, I have a lot more empathy for others.

    I couldn't agree more with your #2 and #3.Great replies!

    Born 27wks 3 day 2 lbs 10 oz 15 inches image My BFP chart BabyName Ticker
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  • DomesticDiva0429DomesticDiva0429 member
    imageSweetPeaKate:

    1. The ability to have sleepless nights at home is a blessing. The crying for food and other needs is a sign of a healthy, strong, and growing baby.

    2. Seeing my son outgrow clothes isn't sad. Yes, he will "never be that small again", but he wasn't supposed to be that small. Growing wasn't always a given-every ounce is a blessing.

    3. The NICU stay was the most stressful and most inspiring experience I might ever have in my life. 

    4. I have a new found interest in the medical field, not to mention indescribable appreciation for the men and women that spend years learning their field. 

    YES! #2 I love looking at all of his clothes it amazing me and I too feel super bless that he is growing. And double YES! to #4, I dove back into my nursing classes with a renewed inspiration, my little man will probably never understand how much he helped me grow and learn:)

    Born 27wks 3 day 2 lbs 10 oz 15 inches image My BFP chart BabyName Ticker
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  • DomesticDiva0429DomesticDiva0429 member
    imageDenesdia:

    1. Being a preemie mom twice helped me to acknowledge how important and often underappreciated that a preemie dad may be.  My preemies validated my choice for a husband and a father to them.

    2.  Some specific NICU memories will not leave me and they make me appreciate milestones at home even more.  I remember what it felt like to wait for days to hold my new baby. I remember planning for my DD's funeral while waiting for her to come out of her 2nd surgery.  I remember celebrating when DD had a bowel movement because then I knew that we had beaten NEC. 

    3. Over time, being a preemie mom helped me to embrace the idea that every baby deserves a celebration, regardless of when they arrive.  This sounds so simple, but sometimes it was easier to focus on the trauma than the gift of a new life.  I cannot begrudge other women for their good health and uneventful pregnancies.  Every baby is a miracle even if their road was not as bumpy as ours.

    Your replies made me tear up. I couldn't agree with you more and your 3 is SO true. I just really wish that I could make some people I know understand this. I am so happy when I hear about a FT delivery for a friend. Sometimes, they think I will be upset or something but I can't...I am thankful that they won't have to go through what I did. I don't want to share that experience with them but God forbid it happens I will always be there to hold their hand and wipe their tears. Instead, we can celebrate birthdays ect :)

    Born 27wks 3 day 2 lbs 10 oz 15 inches image My BFP chart BabyName Ticker
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  • kelly321kelly321 member

    I agree with everything everyone has said so far. To expand on someone's point about becoming more empathetic:

    1. I feel like I have a lot more empathy with anyone who has any sort of difficulty with their pregnancy or newborn.

    2. I feel like I now have an idea of what new moms (especially those with a preemie in the NICU) need in terms of help and am prepared to give it to them. We got very little practical support while DD was in the NICU because most of our friends and family just didn't know what we might need. If at all possible, I will never let that happen to anyone we live close to who has a preemie.

    3. As others have said, I feel like every new milestone for DD is a gift. Between 8-15% of HELLP babies don't make it, and when I think of what life would be like if she weren't here... I just can't. Although I hope every mom thinks of her children as a blessing, I believe preemie moms have an extra sense of how easily things could have gone the other way.

    4. I have learned that there are things in life that I just can't control no matter how much I want to or try to. I had spotting at 28w and an irritable uterus with regular ctx from 27w-34w. I did everything I could, including switching OBs, putting myself on self-imposed modified bedrest, cancelling a trip I had planned, etc, to calm things down. It made me feel like I had some control over how the pregnancy would turn out. Then I got HELLP at 33w5d and had a preemie anyway. You just can't control everything, and I think that's a valuable lesson to learn when it comes to children!


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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