Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Feeling Discouraged
I've never heard of the 50% chance of one of you dying in the event of a UR. Especially since you're planning a monitored hospital birth, with emergency services seconds-minutes away. And usually the dealth-risks involved with UR are for the baby more than the mom. Also, there are various types of UR--some are very minor and don't affect you or the baby (usually discovered after the baby is born), while others are sudden and severe.
I would be slightly concerned about their "if the baby's heartrate drops then it will be an immediate c/s"--babies heartrates drop throughout labor normally, and it is in only in certain conditions does the drop actually indicate a UR. I would ask more questions about that and find out their exact criteria.
But to answer your question, I focus on the fact that I hated my c/s and hated that I was lied to, and hated that it really wasn't necessary at all, and hated the 8 week recovery, emotional turmoil, etc. I've also done a lot of reading (online, books, etc) and have come to the conclusion that a VBAC is the only way to go for me (barring an actual emergency), and when I weigh the pros/cons/risks of both, VBAC comes out leagues ahead of a c/s every time.
The best thing I can recommend is be as educated about both options as possible. And get DH on board too, and get a VBAC doula.
Those statistics are wrong and they have been taken out of context.
First of all, your chance of a rupture is not 1%. It is around 0.7%.
Now let's put that number into the proper context. Your chance of having a UR is around 7 per 1000 births. What about other obstetrical emergencies?
So you see, VBAC is not really that much riskier than any other vaginal delivery. The risk of UR has been inflated because people are afraid of being sued.
Now, the statistic that if a UR happens, there is a 50% chance someone will die. This is just not true. Only 6 out of every 100 uterine ruptures will result in a fetal death and far fewer will result in a maternal death.
Again, this information is not very helpful unless you put it into context. How do VBAC mortality rates compare to RCS mortality rates?
For the mother, the risk of dying in a RCS is around 13 per 100,000 vs. 4 per 100,000 in a VBAC.
For the baby, the risk of dying in a RCS is around 50 per 100,000 vs. 130 per 100,000 in a VBAC.
So you can see that RCS carries an increased risk of death for the mother and VBAC carries an increased risk of death for the baby. You can also see that the risk in either case is very small. Your doctor is basically telling you that 1 out of every 200 VBAC attempts will end with somebody dying. This is simply not true at all.
https://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/putting-uterine-rupture-into-perspective/
https://consensus.nih.gov/2010/vbacstatement.htm
As Iris said, those stats are wrong. I just signed my paper work too and it was 1% of 1% for catastrophic rupture and it's almost always the baby who gets the bad end of that deal. And at least I could still care for my DD. What also convinced me to pursue a VBAC is knowing that there are also serious risks - with similar rates of incidence - for a 2nd c-section. And even more for a 3rd.
RCS is not risk free - it's more LIABILITY free - for the hospital that is. That form you signed has nothing to do with you or your baby or your health. It has to do with some lawyer trying to protect the doctor and the hospital. If you remember, you signed a MUCH MORE awful release before your c-section.
I know my perspective is depressing and I have lots and lots of positive reasons...but you were talking risks.
My advice: Find a new provider.
I was never given a hard time or presented with shady stats when I was pg with my VBAC baby. Remind yourself that RCS or VBAC are both reasonable options. Both have their own set of risks and benefits.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I am new on the VBAC board and I love you too:)
Aww thanks you guys
Thanks everyone! Seeing the stats on both sides definitely makes me feel better. I have my reasons for wanting a vbac over another c-section but the concent form was just discouraging.
As for my provider.. she basically read the concent form. She didn't argue for one or the other. And I only have a 1 in 5 chance of this doctor delivering my baby. The other 4 doctors haven't seen it as a big deal. I suppose now I just have to sit and see if the placenta decides to get out of the way.