AnonymousBride

MC+KK · January 2012

How are you? Your post Friday stuck with me. I hope everything is ok.

MC+KK · January 2012

Total typo, I meant regular, not bride!

AnonymousRegular · January 2012

I'm here. I'm back at home, but still proceding with things. I've moved into the other bedroom, and told him we're "seperated" for the time being. I've been gathering documentation and what not. I found a great lawyer referall from my previous post, and as soon as I get up the nerve, I'm meeting with them.

He doesn't seem to "get" it and keeps saying that I need to make up my mind. To him, seperation = divorce so why go to counselling since I'm already "ruining his life." Confused

We're seperating all our monies tomorrow when the banks are open. He's pissed as hell, but so far has agreed to it. I told him that the future lies completely in his hands. If he can get sober and show me that he's making an effort, then we'll go to counselling and continue to work on things. As soon as he starts drinking again, he's had his last chance and we're (DC and I) leaving.

The next morning after I'd made these decisions, I felt ... better than I can remember feeling in a long time. Happier, calmer, more at peace. I can't say how much everyone's comments and emails helped. To feel "okay" about this decision has been such a weight off my shoulders. Obviously, I'm still heartbroken for our child because this isn't the life I imagined for them, but I had a happy child hood and I think they deserve the same thing.

I have a lot of support here in town, and I've slowly started telling those closest to me IRL what's going on. My mother and my best friend know, and of course neither were shocked. Sad Apparently our secret isn't such a well kept secret.

As you can tell, I'm not expecting a miracle here. He told me today that his alcoholism was my fault, and that if I'd be more supportive he could get better. SIGH. I feel like I'm just buying time to get ready to leave. Getting the house ready to sell, getting documentation, talk to a lawyer, etc.

I'm typing this and I feel like I'm another person, that this can't really be happening to me. And again, thank you so much to everyone.

userdeleted · January 2012

AnonymousRegular:
As you can tell, I'm not expecting a miracle here. He told me today that his alcoholism was my fault, and that if I'd be more supportive he could get better. SIGH. I feel like I'm just buying time to get ready to leave. Getting the house ready to sell, getting documentation, talk to a lawyer, etc.

I'm sure you already know this, but I just want to say it anyway. The above is not true. Not even a little bit. I know it's easy to slip into the "if only I had" mind set, but don't. This is on him.

Also, I'm glad to hear about the steps you're taking and that it's helping you feel better. I hope that you can meet with your lawyer soon and that everything goes smoothly

Nessia · January 2012

I wasn't able to respond in your previous post but know that I've been thinking of you. Please don't believe him when he puts the blame on you. My ex was similar in that he never took responsibility for his mistakes or actions. It was always someone elses fault when he couldn't control his actions. I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have and now I am so happy I finally did it.

Stay strong, a day or two of great behavior does not mean he's changed. Make sure you know in your mind exactly what you need for him to do and don't accept anything less than that. Even if he stops drinking y'all need counseling and his attitude of blaming you needs to stop too.

kiarox2002 · January 2012

Rach03k:
AnonymousRegular:
As you can tell, I'm not expecting a miracle here. He told me today that his alcoholism was my fault, and that if I'd be more supportive he could get better. SIGH. I feel like I'm just buying time to get ready to leave. Getting the house ready to sell, getting documentation, talk to a lawyer, etc.

I'm sure you already know this, but I just want to say it anyway. The above is not true. Not even a little bit. I know it's easy to slip into the "if only I had" mind set, but don't. This is on him.
Also, I'm glad to hear about the steps you're taking and that it's helping you feel better. I hope that you can meet with your lawyer soon and that everything goes smoothly

This times a thousand.

GuavaGal · January 2012

kiarox2002:
Rach03k:
AnonymousRegular:
As you can tell, I'm not expecting a miracle here. He told me today that his alcoholism was my fault, and that if I'd be more supportive he could get better. SIGH. I feel like I'm just buying time to get ready to leave. Getting the house ready to sell, getting documentation, talk to a lawyer, etc.

I'm sure you already know this, but I just want to say it anyway. The above is not true. Not even a little bit. I know it's easy to slip into the "if only I had" mind set, but don't. This is on him.
Also, I'm glad to hear about the steps you're taking and that it's helping you feel better. I hope that you can meet with your lawyer soon and that everything goes smoothly
This times a thousand.

Tritto. I'm glad you updated, and I'm glad you're getting family/BFF support. ((hugs)) I've been thinking about you, and wish you strength moving forward.

KatieJTx · January 2012

AnonymousRegular:
Obviously, I'm still heartbroken for our child because this isn't the life I imagined for them, but I had a happy child hood and I think they deserve the same thing.

You're doing a very brave and wonderful thing for your child. A happy childhood is a happy home.

NoeliaV · January 2012

AnonymousRegular:
As you can tell, I'm not expecting a miracle here. He told me today that his alcoholism was my fault, and that if I'd be more supportive he could get better. SIGH.

No. He. Didn't. :-(

Again, I'm so sorry. Are you seeing a therapist on your own? Like, one outside of whatever counseling y'all may be having... ?