I am such a bad person

Re: I am such a bad person

• lwmooney87

  January 2012

  You are NOT a bad person. You're just a person that something bad happened to. I know exactly how you feel. In a way, we've all been "robbed" of that elated feeling you get with pregnancy. You have every right to feel that way.

  I get so down sometimes about the fact that I can never have a vaginal birth since I had a classical c-section and the thought of having another NICU baby scares me to death. So honestly, I don't even know if DH and I will even have another baby and the original plan was 3 children. We've got some time to think about it but it's still this constant fear.

  I don't really have any advice or anything- just know you're not alone in feeling that way and you're not a bad person!

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• cottonlily84 member

  January 2012

  I totally understand.  My dr told me while I was in the hospital the day I found out I was dilating too early that I would have the same problem every pregnancy and would need the same surgery and bedrest and all.   And I know I will worry about things next time too, if we can/do go down that road.  I have nightmares about c-sections and I worry about the possibility of it ending that way again almost daily.  I'm still sad at being robbed of my happy natural labor and delivery.  So I totally understand how you feel

  

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• HJOHNSTON411

  January 2012

  You're not alone in the way you feel, or a bad person, by any means.  I remember my friend who has the most healthy normal pregnancies told me that she was expecting the morning after LO was born (when she came to see me in the hospital).  I kind of wanted to throw something at her.  It was malicious on my her part (or mine), and I think it's natural to feel a sadness and even a little envious about people who have normal pregnancies.  I think having a preemie, and recovering from it, is a long process and can be be really hard.  We have to come to terms with what has already happened and also struggle to understand how it affects what might happen down the road.  That's a lot, so don't be hard on yourself. Everyone wants and deserves a normal, healthy pregnancy - and I think it's only natural to long for that.  

  

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• HJOHNSTON411

  January 2012

  HJOHNSTON411:

  You're not alone in the way you feel, or a bad person, by any means.  I remember my friend who has the most healthy normal pregnancies told me that she was expecting the morning after LO was born (when she came to see me in the hospital).  I kind of wanted to throw something at her.  It was malicious on my her part (or mine), and I think it's natural to feel a sadness and even a little envious about people who have normal pregnancies.  I think having a preemie, and recovering from it, is a long process and can be be really hard.  We have to come to terms with what has already happened and also struggle to understand how it affects what might happen down the road.  That's a lot, so don't be hard on yourself. Everyone wants and deserves a normal, healthy pregnancy - and I think it's only natural to long for that.  

   

  oh ***, I meant to say 'was not' malicious . . .  oops!! 

  

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• DomesticDiva0429 member

  January 2012

  You are not a bad person. I/we/the whole board understands why you feel this way. I agree with every single post above. This is a very natural reaction to the situation that happened to you.

  Currently, I am pregnant with #2 and I am worried like crazy. It didn't hit me until 17 weeks ( 10 wks before DS was born) but I have faith ( and a therapist appointment) that it will get better.

  Hugs to you and don't be so hard on yourself..
  

  Born 27wks 3 day 2 lbs 10 oz 15 inches My BFP chart

  
  Make a pregnancy ticker

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• Pips09 member

  January 2012

  You are not a bad person, and definately not alone! I feel the same way. I'm insanely jealous of people I know who have great pregnancy/birth experiences, and I am really scared to become pregnant again and go through a similar experience as my first one.

  
  

  
  
  
  
  

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• MommynTeacher member

  January 2012

  lwmooney87:

  You are NOT a bad person. You're just a person that something bad happened to. I know exactly how you feel. In a way, we've all been "robbed" of that elated feeling you get with pregnancy. You have every right to feel that way.

  I get so down sometimes about the fact that I can never have a vaginal birth since I had a classical c-section and the thought of having another NICU baby scares me to death. So honestly, I don't even know if DH and I will even have another baby and the original plan was 3 children. We've got some time to think about it but it's still this constant fear.

  I don't really have any advice or anything- just know you're not alone in feeling that way and you're not a bad person!

  Thank you all so much for responding, I am scared out of my mind! I get really down too...That is why this board is really great. You are all awesome!

  
  
  

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