I am 2 and a half month PP. I had the baby blues after she was born and cried 2 times a day. But the past few weeks I am an absolute mess. In the evening I become a completely different person. I am bitchy, irritated, over all nasty to DH, I dont even want to hold LO and I hate myself for it. I sit outside and cry and I dont even know why, I have no reason to be unhappy. I have a beautiful family. I feel like to worse mom ever because I feel like I have to force myself to be happy around her and want to hold her. I get so mad when she wont go to sleep or when she wakes up only a few hours later and wont go back to sleep. I sometimes wish she wasnt there so I could sleep or actually eat a meal or watch a movie straight through. It sounds so terrible because that girl is my world and I dont know why this comes over me. I wouldnt dare tell DH what runs through my head. Im not sure how to handle this, I dont have health insurance anymore to go see a doctor. But I know somethings screwed up! I love my daughter dont think I dont
Re: Time to post here?
Oh, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I think it may be time to seek out some help so that you don't have to go through this. I know it is especially daunting since you don't have insurance. I don't know where you live, but most places have some kind of mental health resources available for those without healthcare. I would look up human service agencies online or even in the phone book. Most will have options available for the uninsured. Especially since you are a new mom, there will be help available, you just may have to search a bit. Also, you can probably still call your OB and ask for their recommendations, as I am sure they have seen this situation before. This way, you wouldn't have to pay for an office visit, but they can lead you in the right direction.
Also, what you are feeling does not make you any less of a great mom. You realize that this isn't how you want to feel, and you want to fix it, so in my book, that makes you a wonderful mom
And, it might be worth mentioning some of this to DH. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. I don't know what I would have done without DH's support. Good luck, and hang in there. Getting some help will make a world of difference for all of you.