Frustrated and heartbroken

kiley&matt · January 2012

I'm still pretty new to this board, but I left my STBXH on Dec. 3rd, and filed for divorce Jan. 11th. Even though the divorce was my idea (he was emotionally abusive, among other things), it still hurts to see him moving on so fast. The other day when I dropped off DS for his daddy time, there was a woman there who had spent the night. Although STBXH swears they're just friends, I find it hard to believe when they're posting new pictures of the two of them every day on Facebook. I've just been having a hard time, because I have DS all the time (which I love, don't get me wrong), and STBXH only has him for one night every other weekend. This means that he has unlimited opportunity to go out and be with friends while I sit here alone with my baby, being sad. I understand that this comes with the territory, but how do you cope with your ex-husband moving on after a month, when you have no opportunity to do so? I've cried all day long for the last 4 days, because I just feel like the last 6 years must have meant nothing to him, and I'm still so heartbroken.

PrincessFiona9 · January 2012

All I can say, is this too shall pass. It gets easier with time. You just have to keep in doing your thing, taking care of LO etc. Maybe try to find some time for youself to hang out with girlfriends etc.

LadyLissame · January 2012

I can understand. Less than 2 months after he said he wanted the divorce (the paperwork hasnt even been filed yet!) and STBXH is dating the OW. It is hard. but I just try to remind myself that it shows what kind of person he really is and I am better off without him. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. But it is all I can do.

monpetitechouchou01 · January 2012

Oh OP. I'm so sorry. I just had a few minutes of sadness just now over something similar. However, I can't relate entirely because I wasn't married. I was dating my S.O for over a year and I found out he was cheating at the same time I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say, he continued on with his harem of women and has not said anything about the pregnancy to anyone but his family. I on the other hand can't date right now (and probably for a while) and have to go through with the pregnancy alone. It does hurt to know that he's out there, partying and dating as usual as if his life isn't going to change in a few months. But perhaps it won't and the big changes are really occurring to me and my life. 90% of the time I have this newfound strength that allows me to move along each day positive and motivated for both myself and my baby. But there are times like today when I feel extremely lonely and sad. I try not to think about those moments we spent because there were many many amazing happy ones. I too wondered if those moments were real. I also felt used. For the most part, I try to concentrate on the fact that I should be relieved that I know NOW the true person he is and not a few years more down the line. Think of how lucky you are to be here today (life is short!) and just have faith that this great sadness and this bad time will eventually get better. Thats what gets me through all of this! And when you can... schedule time with friends! Try to get back into your routine and start building your life without him.

turtle1120 · January 2012

I know it's not easy when you're going through it, but just be strong and take it one day at a time. First of all, no matter what, your STBXH is not ready to move on. He may be, but a month is no time at all. Secondly, would you really want to be moving on right now - are you ready for another relationship yourself? I highly doubt it. Take time for yourself and focus on you and your DS.

I know it hurts. My Ex had a new GF and moved in with her two months after we broke up...granted he then broke up with her and moved out of her place two months after that. At the time it happened though I just thought about how much of a fool she was and thought if she wanted him, she could have him. I was certainly better off without his sorry a$$!

cmanmom · January 2012

Remember that you have the real prize. Women will come and go out of his life but you have DS and DS will think the world of you. The prize is DS! You are the winner that you get him most of the time. Try and remember that. In the good times and yes, even the bad. When LO does something amazing or learns something new or does or says something cute...you win because you get to see/experience it!

scout426 · January 2012

He was emotionally abusive. Get thyself to some therapy quick. I can't believe how much verbal abuse has torn me down. I was/am a very head strong woman and I allowed some crazy jackasss to make me feel sad and lonely. I'm not saying everyday is great but therapy is allowing myself to notice that i am keeping me and dd healthy and safe. I also get to wake up every morning to a great big smile from someone who thinks I rock just because I walked into the room (ok most days). The crappy feeling is normal but make sure you are proactive on dealing with it.

intdesigner925 · January 2012

*sighs* I know exactly how you feel I wasnt married to my ex but I was with him for 9 + years and he ended our relationship in November when I was 8 months pregnant and all of 5 minutes later started talking to some other chick,which was like pouring salt on an open wound, you would think being with someone for all those years that it would take a bit more time to move on, it hurts and it hurts bad considering I thought he valued our relationship a bit more but I guess I was wrong. It does seem unfair how they can move so freely while im here with my newborn daughter doing everything by myself while he is living it up like he has no obligations to our daughter,which is why I decided to file for custody and child support.

I still have my rough days and like another poster said "this too shall pass", it will trust me, its taking me awhile but slowly im getting to the point where I just dont care and it bothers me less. Just take it one day at a time and focus on your child just know that in the end you'll be fine and your better off without him.

kiley&matt · January 2012

Thanks for the support. I'm sorry a lot of you have had to go through similar situations. I'm feeling a little bit better today, and you're right, I'm definitely not ready to move on yet, which is why I think I was so upset about the fact that he is. I'll look into counseling - does anyone know of any free or income based counseling programs? I don't believe that my insurance covers mental health services, and I can't really afford to pay much out of pocket.

DHYGchica3 · January 2012

Ok, so maybe it's not the conventional advice here, but maybe it's just a sign you did the right thing. If he was so quick to move on, then it just wasn't meant to be and maybe you can make that as your first step in closure of the marriage.

I know when the time comes, when J moves on I might be a little sad, but I feel like I've been grieving our ended marriage for so long because he has nothing better to do than manipulate me and my emotions. I almost wish he would find someone and leave me alone.

princesa2423 · January 2012

Oh goodness I can only imagine how that feels. After 6 years of marriage, and finally giving him the child he'd always wanted, he's leaving me. All I can say is, each day will have its ups and downs, but you get through it, little by little . . .

scout426 · January 2012

kiley&matt:
Thanks for the support. I'm sorry a lot of you have had to go through similar situations. I'm feeling a little bit better today, and you're right, I'm definitely not ready to move on yet, which is why I think I was so upset about the fact that he is. I'll look into counseling - does anyone know of any free or income based counseling programs? I don't believe that my insurance covers mental health services, and I can't really afford to pay much out of pocket.

I got mine thru the Catholic church. I moved here to escape stbxh and they still were willing to help me out as a new member to the community. I am taking their help with the idea of paying it forward to them once I am in a better place.

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