How to gauge the comfort level of other parents/ children?

GuitaristsGirl · January 2012

DS is very social. He *loves* to play with whatever children are nearby - whether they want to or not Stick out tongue He will walk right up to a group of children at the playground or bookstore and sit right down in the middle of them!

He's also very physical. (Not in an aggressive way, although he is strong). At playdates or birthday parties it's not unusual for him to try to hold hands, give someone a hug, try to share/ trade toys (take one, give another, back and forth), run around and try to "tag" someone, etc.

The thing is - not everyone (parents or children) are okay with this. (I feel like I'm more okay with it than a lot of others; I don't know if it's because he's my kid and I'm used to it, or because they've been in full-time group care from day 1 (at which there is a ton of physical contact, wanted or not!), or what.)

And I'm really not sure how to handle these types of situations.

This weekend at a birthday party there was a bounce house, and DS thought nothing of bouncing himself down on the slide (laughing the whole time) to try to slide next to another boy and end up in a giggling heap at the bottom. The other little boy was much more quiet/ reserved, and I struggled with what to do. DS was so pathetic in how much he wanted to play with this little boy, but yet it didn't appear that the other child was comfortable interacting (and I wasn't getting any cues from the other mother, who was focused on her 3 month old). . . So I tried to keep DS distracted on the other side of the bounce house

Thus far my response has been to trail behind him with a constant stream of, "Gentle, DS!" -- which he usually is, I just offer it (a) as a reminder, and (b) so the other parents know I'm tuned in and don't think I'm just letting him run wild -- and redirecting him every time he gets close to another child's personal space.

I guess my thought being that if the parent/ child is okay with it, they will respond with, "Oh, no, he's fine. . "

But I'm starting to feel bad for DS, and I don't really know if my cautiousness necessary. WWYD? Preface all playdates with a disclaimer that DS might try to hold the other child's hand?!

Keep in mind that his age group doesn't yet have great verbal skills, so I'm wondering about what's appropriate from the parent's standpoint as much as the kid's.

LIAngel · January 2012

I've never really seen Nicholas around kids his own age, so I'm not sure what he's like. He does go to school, but I'm not there to see him interact with the other kids. Anyway, if your DS (who is the cutest thing BTW) came up to Nicholas and started interacting with him or trying to play with him, I would seriously think it was adorable. Unless of course your DS bopped my DS on the head with a truck. LOL.

RoxBride · January 2012

I wouldn't rely on "on no he's fine" to be an honest answer. It is hard to say, "yes, please, leave my child alone".

I think you just let him be a child, and if he is pestering another child, and not picking up on the clue that the child is very intimidated or annoyed, then lead him another direction. But otherwise, let it be.

Sooner or later he'll figure it out. If your son is over the top and starts to alienate other kids, when they reject him or try to not play with him, he will learn. Natural consequences work wonders on stuff like this.

I wouldn't worry too much, just help him back off if he is a seriously annoying another child, or attempting to play with a child much older than him.

susan1017 · January 2012

I am a bit more laid back. I tend to let the kids work out themselves unless there is clearly one kid is giving cues of not liking the attention. My ds is VERY physical but in a non-aggressive way too (he not only hugs, he tackles!) and if he is with a kid the same age or smaller I am much more vigalent then if he is with bigger kids. As long as no one is hurt or uncomfortable I say let the kids be.

GuitaristsGirl · January 2012

LIAngel:
Anyway, if your DS (who is the cutest thing BTW) came up to Nicholas and started interacting with him or trying to play with him, I would seriously think it was adorable. Unless of course your DS bopped my DS on the head with a truck. LOL.

Aw, thanks! And no guarantees re the head-bopping - but I can guarantee that, if it happened, it wouldn't be intentional or the result of aggression! Gosh, he's just such a crazy kid. . .

dundasgirl · January 2012

Hey there...

I look after my two plus my niece so it can get a little crazy around here with the physical play when everyone gets hyper and/or overtired.

Some things that I do at the park when we are playing with other kids...I have taught them to "give the kids their space". For instance, if Penny is practically running up the ladder to go on the slide, I remind her to give the other kids their space. For some reason, that works better than saying "wait your turn". On the flip side, if my kids are feeling crowded, they ask other kids to give them space too.

Reed and Penny engage in aggressive hugging. It's a sport around here. Reed used to hug every single kid at the park and some kids don't like that at all. I have taught him to give high fives instead. Less invasive and less risk of everyone toppling over.

I am pretty nervous of the little ones on the play structures, so I make sure my kids are careful around any small kids or babies. You can tell right away if a child is comfortable or not with how your kids are playing...and most parents are fine as long as their kids are happy and safe.

He is going to become more aware of his strength and what is okay and what isn't in the next few months. You will be amazed at the difference I bet!

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How to gauge the comfort level of other parents/ children?

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