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June 2012 Moms
Had a breakdown last night
I have been feeling pretty emotionally stable thus far (to the point where I can't seem to cry - even at really sad things). I haven't had any crazy hormone episodes or weird cravings. Thus far, I've been pretty 'normal'.
Yesterday was my first prenatal yoga class. and when I get home from class and try to talk to DH (who is super sick with a fever) about how I'm scared and overwhelmed and how this is a lot to take in. I got 'oh, that's good' and he went back to watching tv.
So, for pretty much the first time since I've been pregnant I sat down and cried my eyes out. I'm terrified. So much is changing and it's not easy to deal with.
We have been living downtown, and are moving from our beautiful downtown condo to a house in suburbia (thankfully still somewhat central while still being quiet and safe). Our stage of life is totally changing - because it's not just this baby, the plan is 2kids 2years apart. And now we are going down that path.
I think if it were just the move I would be okay, but because it is moving and a baby I am having a hard time. I feel like I totally brokedown last night.
I tried to talk to DH about how I was feeling, but all he wanted to do was help with some of the housework that was left to do before company arrives tonight. He didn't know what to say, couldn't relate at all, and just tried to distract me and get me to stop freaking out. It wasn't what I needed at all! DH is normally so good about things like this, about being there for me, really listening and doing his best to just be there for me when I need it. But last night I got nothing.
It's as though the prenatal yoga made this pregnancy very real (since I can't feel the baby move) and it's all sort of sinking in that this is happening and that soon I am going to be one of those huge pregnant ladies in the class - and the thing is they all looked so miserable! All of them!
I'm at a loss for what to do now. I tried to talk to DH, and that didn't go so well. So now everything is the same as it was before, but I just feel paralyzed and cent seem to do even some of the simple things I was doing before. I can't even bring myself to pack, and am totally running out of time to get that finished(started).
Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed by all of this? Do you have any coping tips that don't involve 'just tackling one small task at a time'? Am I crazy for feeling like this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Had a breakdown last night
hey, i sent you back a pm. sorry, i didn't realize i had one.
As an addition to that your breakdown also sounds like a breakdown in communication. With a baby coming things are just going to get more stressful. I would try talking to DH again. Tell him again what is going on and what you need from him. If how you are dividing up stuff isn't currently working then things need to change, equal doesn't always work.
If you are still having trouble getting through to him I would highly suggest gettting some couples counselling. problems with communication isn't something you can let slide.
Also I would wait until you have had this baby until you decide for sure you want 2u2.
I would make sure your dh is well aware of what you expect and need from him both now and when the baby comes. You aren't just taking care of your baby, you are also recovering! I told DH that what i will need from him is things like changing diapers, housework, and to just really take care of me. like make sure i am eating and drinking enough when i'm breastfeeding.
I think some of the issue I am having with feeling overwhelmed is being the mother they are the one who traditionally are the primary caregiver. I feel like i have to be able to do it all, that is something i am working hard on letting go with. I will have to work on letting dh help even if it's not the exact way I would do it.
I hope that helps somewhat.
Stay strong
We are normally really good at communicating with eachother. I always feel like I can talk to him, and vice versa. After I had cried my eyes out for a bit, I went out and told him that I needed to talk, and that I felt like he had blown me off earlier. He did come and sit down and talk with me, but he struggled. He didn't know what to say, and since he can't really do anything to alleviate my fears or fix the 'problem', as most guys try to do, he just tried to distract me with housework. This was very out of the norm for us, and I'm not sure if it was just because he was sick and not really able to focus, or if there is something more at play here...
I've had these feelings too. It freaks me out that our whole lives are about to change. I also do this thing where I worry in advance about things that haven't happened yet or may not even happen.
I recently lost my job. We were planning to move to a 2 bedroom co-op but it's not going to happen now. I get overwhelmed by uncertainty quite a bit.
Honestly, the only thing that helps me is talking about it. My H is wonderful at listening to my craziness.
I also am in therapy once a week. I have been going for years so that continues to help me.
Since you said your H is normally good at listening, I would chalk up his reaction to him being sick. I would try talking to him again and tell him your concerns & fears.
You could also use this board as an outlet. You're going through so much with a baby coming and moving to a new place. That is a lot of changes in a short time. I'm sure many of the women here understand your feelings and will be supportive.
I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
It could be that he's sick, OR maybe he is just overwhelmed or freaked out himself and this is his way of dealing with it right now. Just keep talking to him. He can;t have the perfect answer always. What scares me the most is how we are going to find and pay for daycare. We can but it will be alot of cut backs. Its what really gets me stressed out right now. DH told me he will help me figure it out. even if it means him taking a second job we will make it happen.oh that and too many visitors. he also said not to worry about that. I am already having anxiety over too many visitors and not having enough time with just us right away. i know its because everyone is excited but still...
once again just keep talking to him. Also never hesitate to post on the board. we are all freaked out at times.
Last night must have opened the hormone dam or something, because you ladies are making me cry. Thank you so much for your support. For understanding, and for showing me that I am not crazy to be freaking out about this. Thank you for making this a safe place to vent and to share.
I'm still scare, part of that I'm sure in natural, but I do know that I will get through this. So thank you again. Reading your stories helps a lot too - so please keep them coming. I can relate to pretty much everything that you guys are posting (I think if I had tried to put everything that I am freaking out about in this post I would have been better off to write a book).
oh i'm sorry you had such a concentrated emotional upset! I totally get where you are coming from. I too have been uncharacteristically "calm" the past four months, but I got overwhelmed at my appointment with a new obgyn and ended up crying like a baby about how i hated this country and wanted to go home (i am canadian, but living in europe - and a tiny mis-communication set me off)! Kinda embarrassing afterwards - and it took me FOUR hours to calm myself down afterwards! But it really made me realize what things scare me the most - which is helping to try and find solutions for some of them. In other words - i am feeling overwhelmed too!
I don't know if you are new to yoga, or just to prenatal yoga - but i find that doing yoga really helps me connect with my emotional side, for better or worse! It could be that your first class really exposed you to all these overwhelming and conflicting emotions that you have inside. Reading what you wrote about DHs reaction, I saw my own DH! Mine has always had some difficulty dealing with my tears, and often leaves me totally alone when they happen - which makes it worse! I will suggest that maybe your DH is also having his own worries about all the up-coming changes and doesn't / didn't really know how to address that at the moment. So he did what men do best - helped with the tangible (housework) and tried to "fix" you (distract you out of your slump).
Try not to add panic about your relationship to all your other fears - especially since you say that he usually knows how to "be there" for you in the way that you need. You can talk to him again about these things now that you have calmed down a bit - maybe just one topic at a time to let him digest his fears too and to keep you from getting emotionally overwhelmed again.
In terms of tips on how to handle all this?? I don't really have any... but i just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sometimes that helps. And as contrary as it sounds - i would go to another yoga class!
hugs,
I love yoga - I think that is one of the mail reasons I have been so calm. I normally go to classes 4-6times a week, and am just adding prenatal into the rotation (although for now I think I will need to double up on Sundays as I am still capable of doing most of the regular classes and this was a bit too gentle for me right now).
I think guys being afraid of tears, and avoiding them is a pretty universal thing. They just don't know what to do when we cry. Glad to know it's not just him.
I lived in the Netherlands for 6months, and had managed to tear my ACL while skiing, so I've had a few run ins with European healthcare. Some of the smallest things are different and can be very off putting if you are not used to them. The one I remember the most is the Dr didn't leave the room when I had to change/disrobe. Totally normal over there, but weird to me. I've even noticed that some European Drs that practice here do the same thing.
I hope your health care experience goes well - would love to hear about how it compares to the Canadian system for something that requires more on-going (and less emergent) care. Best of luck!