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Breastfeeding: If you didn't or quit early
How did you make that decision? Was it a hard decision to make? I have been breastfeeding and pumping for 2 weeks now and have had every problem you can have. This includes trips to the pedi every other day because he lost weight and isn't gaining. I am recovering from a c-section and had a rough day yesterday where I could not even hold him because I was in so much pain. We decided to give him formula yesterday. Now today, I am second guessing my choice and feeling very guilty. I have friends who gave formula right from the start and never attempted breastfeeding. How do you make this choice without feeling guilty? I feel like there are so many people I have to explain my decision to...pedi, lactation consultant, in-laws.
Please share you experiences with me. I need opinions and others experiences to help in my choice to quit or keep trying.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Breastfeeding: If you didn't or quit early
I tried for 3 weeks.
I say all the time that the first three weeks of my DD's life were the worst 3 weeks of both our lives.
My milk just didn't come in. I could pump every hour and only get 1 oz at a time (from both breasts combined). I would nurse her every time she was hungry, but she would CRY and cry and I finally realized it was because she wasn't getting anything. I tried EVERYTHING to boost my supply and it just never happened.
She lost almost a pound those first couple of weeks and was starving to death.
The pedi said we needed to start supplementing with formula, which I did, willingly, but i was still pumping and trying to nurse her when I could.
I will never forget the moment i decided to stop BFing. I was sitting on the floor in our living room, trying to pump. DD was asleep upstairs and DH was with me. I had been pumping for about 20 minutes and had only gotten about 1/4 an oz....i started crying and just couldn't stop....uncontrollable, body shaking SOBS....and I started blubbering about feeling guilty that I couldn't feed my baby. And DH crawled down on the floor with me and said "If you need to stop this madness it's ok." It was sort of like he gave me permission to give up...and that was what i needed. Unconditional love and support.
Supplementing right when you got home from the hospital is probably what led to your problem. Milk can take a while to come in....I'm assuming that was day 3 or 4. Pumping does not mimic a baby sucking, especially early on.
It's such a pet peeve of mine to hear about how moms had to supplement and then Oh my gosh, my supply is low.
Whatever decision you make, just don't make excuses.
I had so many problems at first that I ended up EPing for 8 weeks. THAT SUCKED. Tried DS at 8 weeks, he latched, and we were golden. BUt I think because of everything I dealt with - I always had a low supply so I was supplementing w/ formula all along. I BF'd until 6 months, though.
Here's the thing-- you don't have to explain your decision to ANYONE. ANYONE. THe pedi should support you as long as you're feeding your child. I can see the LC having a strong opinion and I can understand wanting to explain to them.
But your IL's? It is absolutley NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
If questioned, all I would say is "It's the decision that works best for us.". You're pushed? "I appreciate your view, but this is what's best for us and I'm not going to discuss it".
ETA: There is such a pressure out there to BF. But there are millions of people out there who had formula as a child and guess what? THey are fully functioning normal adults!!!
I get the want to BF. I wanted to do it, I pushed through to 6 months. But that was less than what I really wanted to do. In the end, though.... I did what I felt I could and in the end, as long as DS was healthy and fed, that's what mattered in the end.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Jesus, act like abitch much?
I'm sorry you're going through this, docmay. I say you need to do whatever you can so you are happy and enjoying that new baby of yours. If breastfeeding is making you miserable, switch to formula and don't feel guilty about it.
(((hugs)))
Yikes, judgmental and harsh much?
I had to have an emergency c-section after 27 hours of labor with Nora. My body was a wreck, I was in so much pain, so I can relate to what you're going through right now with having difficulty holding the baby, etc.
I BFed her a couple weeks but switched to FF because of the antidepressant I went on to treat my PPD. Did I feel guilty at first? Sure I guess, but honestly my mental health came first and giving up the BFing lifted a lot of stress for me personally because DH could help with feedings, I could get more sleep and just heal physically and mentally.
Miles had latch issues from the start because of his Down syndrome (poor muscle tone in his lips and tongue) so I had no guilt switching to FFing with him because he wasn't able to EAT any other way.
Only you can make this decision, and I'm not advocating either way, just giving you perspective that FFing doesn't make you a bad mother and the babies thrive either way.
As for what other people think, I know it's easier said than done, but f&ck what other people think. It's YOUR body, YOUR baby and if they want to judge, they'll judge. That's their loss, not yours.
Nora Judith 7/2/06 Miles Chauncey 4/20/09 born with Trisomy 21 - Down syndrome
I totally agree with this and was coming to say the same thing. It is nobody else's business but yours. It does suck to want to do something badly and not be able to. Some people just aren't able to do it. That is not your fault and you should have to feel guilty about it. Your baby got the most important part of your milk already so if you feel you and him will do better with formula, go for it. Formula is not a bad thing. Try not to beat yourself up
It's your decision, don't let anyone bully you. My heart really goes out to you; I was physically not made to BF. Long story short, I was at the BF clinic 3x a week w/ DD and cried more than ever over BFing when I should have been enjoying my baby at home instead of being so concerned about how BFing is the only way to feed.
I switched her to formula at 6 months after EP'ing from about 3 weeks on. I never looked back. It was the best decision I made, but it was hard. DH supported me 10000%, and my family was so tired of watching me struggle they were revealed when I switched, lol.
I dreaded feedings w/ both kids, it was just the worst part of my day. I have no warm fuzzy feelings about BFing, for me it was a means to an end, nothing more.
If it was me, I'd FF. I was the best BFer and a harsh critic of FF....until I had my kids!
Christmas 2011
With my first DD, she had problems gaining weight (and eventually lost weight). I "knew" that BFing was best, so I kept at it. I literally nursed her every 2 hours around the clock for 4 straight months. And she cried sooooo much. I thought all of this was normal colicky crying, but finally I called the pedi because it just didn't seem right.
The pedi looked me in the face and said, "You're done BFing." She had to be put on weight gain formula at first. From the first day she started formula, she was a completely different baby. She slept more. She didn't cry incessantly and need to be held all day long. I could actually enjoy her, instead of being a zombie mom.
Really, my only regret is that I was so caught up in "breast is best" that I couldn't step back and see that sometimes, despite your best efforts, it just plain doesn't work and there's no shame in that. I didn't need to make a martyr of myself. Formula isn't poison and sometimes it's necessary for a healthy, happy family. And when you think about it, a lot of us (myself included) never had a drop of breast milk and still managed to graduate college.
The whole point of BFing is to nourish your baby, and formula can do that, too. It sucks having to explain to people why you're giving a bottle - I always wanted to explain that I tried my very, very best - but eventually I just brushed off the comments.
GL!
Uh, in your case, all bets are off, IMO... this is your third child to care for, and you have two other children demanding your attention. Do what is best for you and your family and don't look back. Freeing yourself of what is obviously a burden right now will enable you to be a better mom to all your kids. And you MUST know that contrary to what the boogey man will have you believe, your baby will NOT end up on America's Most Wanted because you didn't BF 'til he was 4, right?! (kidding, but only sort of.) I realize that guilt is a very powerful emotion, but rise above it... turn that guilt into decisiveness to do what's best for you and your family, kwim?
signed,
a mom who nursed both kids for over a year but would never deign to judge another mom and her circumstances.
Big Girl 2.7.06 ~ Baby Girl 9.2.07
I quit right around 5 weeks, and honestly I regret it. I never even tried with DD, and only decided to try with DS after he was born. I quit for a combination of reasons. He wanted to nurse around the clock. I was exhausted, and had visions of killing my husband while he slept peacefully all through the night.
I think DS had an issue with latching. The lactation consultant at the hospital said he was doing well, but he kept losing weight and had jaundice. I had to wear shells, which were super uncomfortable, and I don't think they helped at all. I think I would have had better luck if we had know that I needed to wear them prior to DS being born.
I never got the feeling of let down, so I still have no idea what people are talking about when they refer to that.
I pumped for a bit, and got a decent amount, but overall I was just discouraged. The LC said she would call and check on me but she never did. I was too scared to call anyone, so I just quit.
I think either DS was having latching issues or my boobs suck, but either way, I wish that I would have gotten help and stuck it out for a bit more. I felt immediate relief when I quit, and I felt much happier, but like I said, I do feel a feeling of regret even now that I didn't try harder.
Goodluck, I hope you find peace in what ever you decide!
I agree. No one should make excuses because no one owes anyone an explanation as to how she decides to feed her baby. It is between the parents and that's it. And if someone is judgmental about that decision, well that person is a jerk and should consider looking into his or her heart and think about why she feels compelled to pass judgement.
It breaks my heart every time I hear a mom who feels like she has to explain the billion hoops she jumped through before she switched to formula.
Breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience, but it is also really, really hard. I'm glad that there are so many resources to help new mothers who are struggling, but it is a tragedy that those resources are usually coupled with demonizing bottles/formula.
I nursed one child for 8 months and the other for 2.5 years. I feel very well qualified to sing the praises of breastfeeding. And while there are benefits associated with breastfeeding (although I personally believe that is a correlative relationship and not a causal one) there should be no shame in picking up a bottle of formula from day one.
The Atlantic article
Babble.com article
ETA: OP Ask yourself, if no one cared about your decision and if you knew the course of your child's life would be the same whether you BFed or FFed, what decision would you make? Then that's what you should do.
i never attempted to. i have some physical/medical issues that would have made it tedious at best. no guilt here. it's really no one else's business, and if someone judges you, they just have issues themselves.
I didn't really try. I quit after 48 hours with DS and after about 12 hours with DD. It was just too hard and I didn't feel it was worth the struggle. Having a newborn is hard enough, I didn't want to do anything to add to that stress.
I never felt any guilt over it. After DD, I was a little disappointed in myself for quitting so quickly but I didn't lose any sleep over it.
Uh, no. I supplemented with ML from Day 2, because the hospital nurses, who were very unsupportive of BF'ing, insisted and basically guilt tripped me into it. She was on formula about 1/2 the time for the first week of her life, and actually pumping is an excellent way to induce milk flow. I definitely did not have any supply issues with her (until she started STTN).
docmay, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I don't think you need to feel guilty about it. So what if people judge you? The best thing is to make the decision that is best for her and for you (which means, that's best for her). If she is not gaining weight, then I think it's time to supplement or switch. Actually, I can't remember... are they supposed to lose weight in the first 2 weeks? I thought that was normal, as long as they are back to birth weight by 1 month? I may be getting my milestones mixed up.
Really? My pet peeve is bitches who need to mind their own business about how other women feed their babies. My baby was sick at 4 days old, had jaundice and had lost down to 5.12 lbs. I pumped like a madwoman in the Children's hospital trying to establish a supply when I could barely even hold my baby. I BF him as much as I could, with nearly no supply, for 6 months. He was only 14lbs at 6 months old, and didn't start gaining until I gave him solids and additional formula. It's a shame to think I worked so hard to get and keep him healthy, only to be judged by ignorant people like you.
I didn't at all for a number of reasons. My daughter was adopted. While it is physically possible to BF an adopted child, it is not as easy as when your body primes for it with pregnancy hormones. I was going to try it, and had had some success with getting a little bit of milk, but my little girl spent nearly 3 weeks in the NICU, and they would not allow me to breastfeed her because I was not her biological mother.
She had enough problems eating on her own, so, when she got home, I didn't want to risk her not gaining weight by trying to induce lactation (she was under 5 lbs when she came home).
I was unsuccessful with DD1. I pumped for 6 weeks....which was awful. I hate pumping. I would do ANYTHING to avoid pumping. With DD2 I was determined to make it work. 1. I had no formula in the house because I knew I'd use it when it got hard and bf-ing is HARD WORK! 2. It's totally normal for them to nurse 24/7. I kept thinking, she isn't getting enough, she is hungry, etc...now I realize that is just how it is. 3. The first 8 weeks were the worst. I set my goals small to start....4 weeks...6 weeks....8 weeks...at 8 weeks I said 6 mons...at 6 mons I said a year...and I made it to 14 mons for my last two. I would have gone longer with DD3, but I weaned her because my boobs hurt so bad from being pg again.
GOOD LUCK! kellymom.com was my bible! Bf-ing is really hard and time consuming! You are doing a great job! One formula bottle won't kill Luca
DD was sick at birth. She wasn't breathing and went into the special care nursery, highest nursery here. I had a 4th degree tear and was pretty much bedridden after birth. I did try to get up once to the bathroom but passed out. I had to be cathered for a while after birth until the next morning. In hindsight, I probably should have advocated more to be taken to the nursery, while I was taken it was once and only for a few mins. Anyhow, DD had to eat and I couldn't be with her. I sooooo wanted to BF and got to try the next morning (18 hours after birth). She didn't take to it but HAD to eat to be released. I agreed to formula and she loved the bottle. I continued to try to BF for a couple of weeks but DD never latched. I think it did have a lot to do with her getting a bottle in the nursery but it is what it is--otherwise she may still be in that nursery : 0. She lost 10% of her weight. I did pump for a few but I was so overwhelmed with motherhood that I couldn't continue or cope. There was absolutely no chance of her taking to BFing, so I don't regret it but I felt (and this has gotten better with time and 2 BFing boys) guilty for a long, long time. I did have some healing after the boys did BF like champs.
So, my answers are the kids made their decisions for me. DS1 and DS2 were instant BFers. DD never took to it. It was a hard decision to let go of BFing, but there was nothing I could do (I had tried LC and a special formal to boob contraption). I did have some anguish over trying to BF DS1, I didn't want to feel that helpless or that sad about losing something I wanted so bad. DD not BFing, made me so sad. My family didn't help esp my mother. She had bad things to say each way. She mad a reference I didn't try with DD and a snide comment about me BFing DS1. I couldn't win either way. NIP was an issue I dealt with boys for and it made BFing hard for me- I don't live in a pro BFing area at all.
FWIW, even tho DS1 was a champ BFer he also lost weight and has always been a slow grower.
1. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you need a break, do that. I found pumping easier than BF'ing and I wish I had tried to pump a bit more frequently (and supplemented with formula while pumping) until I could get myself some rest, let my nipples heal, and get my mind right.
2. You don't owe anybody an explanation. Your body, your baby, your decision. Either way, you both will be fine and there is (as you know) nothing wrong with formula feeding. If making that switch gives you the relief you need right now, do it.
3. There are always going to be people that judge your decision - here and IRL. You just have to do what's best for you and your family.
4. (I think) this is your last baby! Don't let the struggles of BF'ing consume you at this very VERY precious time. Enjoy your newborn as best you can. Snuggle. Kiss. Hug. Enjoy skin to skin time - even if you aren't nursing. Just do what you can to make sure you soak up every moment. As you know, they grow too fast and you can't get this time back!!!! (((HUGS)))
Good luck! Hope you are feeling better soon!
DD1--Never BF successfully...it became a lost cause & I think trying to keep it going (pumping, trying to get her to latch) was causing my PPD. I worried so much about her not eating enough & loosing weight. My Mom is a super BFing Nazi & even she said to me one day...it'll be OK. It was a huge weight off my shoulders that she would not judge me if I gave up. The day I quite trying was the first I did not cry off & on all day. I felt some guilt but the good outweighed the bad. I was so stressed out, upset, worried over BFing (or lack of) I was not really bonding with my baby.
DD2-I EBF long term with no problem.
DD3-I struggled w/ PPD, supply, etc. I started supplementing pretty early & **I** was over worrying about it. Also I only had a couple months between quitting BFing DD2 & getting pg again. I was SO ready to have my body back so to speak.
I think you just wrote my experience for me!
I tried so hard for 4 months thinking it has to get easier, my supply will eventually get up to how much she's eating. It's the best thing for her. etc. It never did and she barely gained weight. I finally through in the towel and both DD and I were so much happier. It was night and day.
I want to try again as they say "every baby is different" but I I am giving myself a 2 week time limit and if my supply is not there its just not happening. I know formula is not the devil and has come so far from even we were babies. I turned out ok:)
Thank you for all the stories and opinions, which put a lot in perspective for me as the day goes on. It has been the biggest struggle for me and baby. We have both had so many problems and the pain from the c-section is making it even harder. He lost weight in the hospital (more than the normal) and has not gained any weight since. The pedi is a little concerned and we were going to discuss formula at his next weight check this week. But yesterday when I tried to pump because I was in too much pain to feed, I got no milk coming out and that was the last straw.
I feel like I am not enjoying him and that makes me sad. I had PPD with my other children and am hoping to avoid that this time around. I feel like I haven't even seen my other children because I am either feeding or pumping. For the entire families sanity, I think this is the right choice for me.
I know the judging is all in my head. I am a people pleaser. I don't want to call the LC to cancel our next appointment because I feel like she will judge me for quitting after all her help. I feel like dh is mad at me because we now have to pay for formula on top of me leaving work (he isn't, but that is my paranoia)
I am also extremely emotional because I don't feel good, in pain and dealing with the pain of trying to dry up my milk. So, once I get past this hurdle, I hope to get back to enjoying my baby and older children.
I always pictured myself with a vaginal delivery and bf'ing with ease. None of that came true. Nope - emergency c and PCOS = very little milk). I did cry about it the bf'ing part. I was also super sick after my c-section due to impacted bowels.
I went through my sad stage and then LOVED watching my DH and my mom feed my son. I cried when he went off the bottle. I felt extremely attached regardless. Enjoy your newborn - it is such a unique and wonderful time in your life.
LauraMiller: get a grip.
I'm not sure why you even opened this post.
docmay - I don't have any experience with this, but I just wanted to say that it's okay to do what is best for your whole family. You don't need to explain anything to anyone.
I nursed DD1 for 3 years, and I'm still nursing DD2. Both were good nursers from the start. My milk didn't come in until around day 4 or 5 for DD1 (she was a c/s), but she nursed well and often from the beginning. She was almost back to her birth weight before we left the hospital. DD2 didn't catch on quite as fast, but she was also back to her birth weight by 2 weeks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it was easy for me, so I never had to make that decision. I'm not sure what I would have done if it had been hard. I'm almost positive I would not EP. I don't think I would have the dedication to pump and nurse to try to increase supply while taking care of 2 other kids. Sometimes it's hard enough trying to take care of 2 kids without any other factors.
I am extremely pro-bfing, and I understand that it's not always possible. Your LC will understand. Your pedi will understand. Your ILs, well, it doesn't really matter what they think anyway. You've done everything you could, and it's okay to say, "it's not working."
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
First and foremost, you don't have to explain yourself or your reasons to anyone - it is no one elses business. All anyone needs to know is how the baby is getting feed. That being said - I had a very mixed experience. My older DD was in the NICU for a week and unable to nurse or get a bottle the 1st few days and had a feeding tube. I pumped as I wanted to try to nurse. When she was finally ready to eat, she got a bottle first (with my milk) as they didn't think she was ready to nurse. I then started nursing and she did great. She continued to take both bottle and nurse until I stopped nursing at 6 months. I had built up a huge supply so she didn't get formula until about a week or so before I went back to work and then she got 1 formula bottle and the rest was nursing and from my stash. Once I was back at work, I pumped for a month and then decided that pumping was just not my thing and I gave her formula during the day and nursed in the morning and bedtime or when I was with her. I stopped nursing totally at around 5 months but still had enough stash that she got both for another month. I didn't feel any guilt.
DD #2 was a totally different story. She hated nursing from the get go and horrible reflux. I tried to nurse for about a week or 2 and she was losing weight so I was pumping as well and getting bottles from time to time which she did awesome at. I finally decided to try to just pump and bottle feed her and lasted about a week. I hated pumping, had many issues plus had a 21 month old at home as well and honestly, pumping and then bottle feeding took a long time. I felt guilty since I had nursed #1 so easily but in the long run - it was the best decision for me and my family. I was able to get more sleep since DH could take half the night feedings and anyone else could help me out by giving her a bottle of formula.
Both of my girls are very healthy and you would never know the difference on who was nursed and who got formula.
One of my sisters never nursed and never felt guilty about it - for some people, nursing is just not something that they would ever do and honestly - that is totally fine. Everyone needs to do what works for them and for their family.