- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
February 2012 Moms
Ready to leave DH
I wish I could just leave DH (term used very loosely) right now. I have nowhere to go or I would be in my car right now. He has become borderline alcoholic since I became pregnant, refuses to help with anything, is out 3-4 nights a week or has friends over till 1am. And just when I thought he couldn't get any more irresponsible or selfish, he just left the house (been drinking since 7pm) with a friend to help him with the sale of something illegal (not sure what because I don't want to know in case the cops show up). I am so f*ing mad right now I want to kick his arse out but I can't since it is his house too and he would never leave and I have nowhere to go if I leave here. I cannot get through to him no matter how hard I try or what approach I take. Why is he doing this to me when I am this pregnant? He was NEVER like this before.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ready to leave DH
I'm sorry you're going through this....sounds awful.
Has he been using drugs? I only ask because you say he was never like this before, and it seems like a very strong/sudden change to come out of nowhere.
I hope you can work something out with him or at least work something out for alternative housing for yourself and LO if he doesn't change soon.
So sorry u have to go through this...Maybe you guys need some marriage counseling to help him understand how destructive his alcohol addiction is to him and his family. And then he needs to attend AA meetings to help him stop drinking, provided he decides to stop ( he won't be able to stop without help ). There are also support groups for the spouses. There are some churches too that have all kinds of support groups.Maybe you can look into that...
Wish you good luck and hope everything will work out so u can be a family for the little one to come.
THIS!! Im so sorry that you are going through this, but you really need to take control of the situation as best you can. If he shapes up after the baby is born and recognizes he needs help great, you can have a go at it again. But until then it sounds like he is no help to you or your baby. Sending lots of hugs and support your way.
He is really acting unfair to you! I would agree with PP and recommend calling a crisis hotline or a Women's shelter in your area. They have out-patient care that would help you talk about this stuff. (I know because my family has used it) In the current state he is in this is not a good idea but when he sobers up a little maybe try asking him why he has been drinking? When my brother's wife was getting closer to delivery he started drinking 3 shots a night to keep his nerves in check. Clearly I don't recommend this but he was so nervous about a baby coming that it was his only way he could stop worrying enough to sleep. No that the little one is here, he barely drinks.
I wish we could have an answer for you but I know it is hard leaving someone that you have hopes to stay with. Remember you are going to be a mother and if leaving is best for your baby then it is best for you too. and vice versa.
Take care of you.
This is scary, because you dont know what he was selling or who he is getting himself involved with, he doesnt know the repercussions of his actions which could very well endanger you and your baby. I agree with the other posters, you should leave the house, go to a friend or shelter and call the police. It may be the kick in the pants your DH needs to straighten up.
Yes, it sounds to me like the only thing that will get through to him is the realization of losing you and his child. Even if you just rent a room at a cheap motel for a few nights you need to let him sweat it out and rearrange his priorities.
He must be going through a phase of being afraid to become a Dad and the only way to pull him out of it is a heaping helping of love us or lose us.
Please call a women's shelter if you have nowhere else to turn. They can help you get set up with a safe house. I was a victim of domestic violence in my first marriage, and I wish I would have left earlier. I tried to stick it out hoping children would make it better, but ultimately it got worse. I moved to a different state with my ex and 6 months later he divorced me after he had an affair, and having me arrested for defending myself after he beat me and smashed my cell. I had no one to turn to with 3 kids and a low paying job. Luckily I found help, and counseling. Things get better but first you need to get out and away from him and this situation. Do it for the baby you're carrying, and for yourself! You deserve better and sometimes doing it alone is the best way. Good Luck!! But please don't hesitate calling for help!
Try the non-emergency line at your local police. They may have a resources you could use quickly! Or go to the closest Fire house they are safe havens for mothers and children! They will help you find information!
This! Right now, he's doing God knows what and whatever it is, you don't need the added stress of illegal crime in your life right now. I know he's your husband and all, but right now, he's not being responsible, mature, or even being safe for either one of you. It pains me to say it, but a temporary separation might be your best option right now. I hope this will cause him to reevaluate his behavior and step up to the plate b/c he really needs help. If you can stay w/family/friends, that's always better than a shelter, but if you have to go to one, then go. You could try kicking him out, but that might become a very dangerous situation for you if he's drunk or possibly abusing drugs too. I feel really bad for you and I hope whatever you decide to do that you and LO are safe. Pls continue to keep us all updated. T&Ps....
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I had a friend in a situation like this and she ended up leaving and not having it work out so well. I would NOT leave the house- if you're married it's part yours and leaving doesn't seem like a good idea- especially since you don't seem to be saying that he's a busing you.
Can you somehow get proof of the drug use? (pictures of drug equipment, texts on his phone etc)? If you are going to leave you'll want to make sure you have a clear picture of finances as well- make sure you have 1/2 of any savings, etc. Have your documentation ready before you go and maybe even seek counsel of an attorney, if you can, before you make a move).
You may want to check out the Single Parents board- I'm sure they'll have great tips.
I agree with pp you should contact your local domestic violence agency. I worked for one for a few years and what you are describing is an unhealthy environment for you and your baby. While things may not be physically violent, there are many other forms of abuse and you should really talk through some of this with a professional.
Also, if he is in fact your husband, it's your house too. You have every legal right to your home and law enforcement can make him leave.
Often times, abusive relationships worsen when a woman becomes pregnant. Sometimes the SO becomes jealous, feels like they are loosing control and acts out to regain power over their partner. Please take care of yourself and make sure that you doing whatever it takes to keep your LO safe.
Will be thinking about you.
I think you're asking the wrong people for advice .. I would consult the advice of his close friends that aren't engaging in this behavior with him .. I would also talk to his parents about the situation .. if either of those options are available to you, anyways ..
I understand it can be very hard to go through a pregnancy when your DH isn't there for you and isn't being supportive .. my SO and I have gotten into a couple arguements and it made me feel awful .. I couldn't understand why he was acting out during a time I needed him the most ..