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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Rant about ILS (LONG!)
I know lots of your have read about how my DD got her finger burned at the ILS and how upset I am about it. I love my ILS but they have just done so much the last 14 months. We lived there when I was pregnant (DH lost his job and we couldnt find an appartment) and everything was all good. then DD was born I tried to BF but my milk came in 5 days late (i don't know if it was because DD was born at 34 wks) and DD just wasn't taking to it. then we came home a few days later ( she was born emergancy C/S) well FIL went to go get formula for DD. He took it to himself to decided what formula she would be on )after we asked him for the brand she had at the hospital) he put her on soy formula which her pedi didnt say she needed. He decided this because DDs cousin had an issure with milk when he was little. well MIL decided that DD would drink a bottle of water a day which turned into 8 bottles after she became constipated from her formula. Took DD for her 2 month check up and she barely gained any weight and i explained the situation and had the pedi write a detailed not for me to give to my ILS explaining why she shouldnt be drinking 8 bottles of water and what to do for constipation and we switched her formula. well they didn't like this and MIL said oh the dr doesnt know what he is talking about! I've raised 4 babies and 1 grandbaby i know whats best. A week later we moved into my parents house because i couldnt handle it there anymore (plus it is closer to DHs work) Oh also there was a big fight because the ILS were trying to take DD to a chiropractor which i didnt agree with.
Few months later we started DD on solid food. Pedi said not to give her wheat,and only feed her one type of food at a time when trying it for the first time since we were trying to figure out a cause of tummy problems. Well ILS decided that she could chew on a pizza crust and gave her whole wheat crackers and bread instead of following what i told them. and i bought jar baby food and i was constantly getting lectured about that about how i should do what they say and what a bad person i am for taking DD and DH away from his mother.
Now that DD is 14 mos old her pedi asks we still give her half formula half milk because she is such a picky eater and sometime only wants her bottles. I have explained this to ILS many times but they think milk is bad and give her root beer instead of milk and ignore the food and snacks i pack for her and from what i seen they hardly feed her if she wont eat what is infront of her.
Their house is all cluttered , messy and not baby proofed at all. there are no doors except for the bathroom so she can get into anything , they keep hot objects on the floor (reason for the burn) they dont listen to anything i ask of them or try to stick to DDs routine. They are always guilting me into seeing DD more even when i dont have time to bring her and they never come out here to see her. They smoke around her and oblivously dont watch her. The crib they had for her was the crib that DH used when he was a baby! we even offered to buy a new one for their house but nope it was good enough for their kids so its good enough for mine. DH has this thinking too with a lot of things and there is a lot of issues with the family (FIL has a menal illness and is very unstable) so a lot of things cant be done or said because someone will get upset and have hurt feelings. Or FIL gets crazy and has become violent.
All of these reasons are why i dont want DD there. Thank god for my wonderful loving parents and my family. This house is more than safe and clean and child proofed no one will become violent and my mom and i are on the same page with everything.
PS sorry this is so long of a post ( if you stuck this far) and i apologize for my grammar and spelling and punctuation. but DD is awake and needs a changing 
gotta love seeing that little smiling face after a nap!
H and i discussed and he is talking to my MIL right now about everything we found out yesterday. They can still see her but only between lunch and naptime. I was never trying to endager my child nor am i a horrbile mother. I changed everything almost when it happened and followed what my pedi said. infact my pedi had said he hasnt seen a more happyier healthier well ajusted loving child as mine is. Most of these things that recently happened i got told my SIL yesterday afternoon ( the milk thing and the food thing and the burn) sorry if i upset any of you. i was just hoping that someone had crazy inlaws and yes i guilty of falling asleep once or twice while watching DD at my home so i know how easy it can be. When i first came on here i thought i found some understanding individuals. i just need to let off some steam before i talked to H about this. thats all this post was about.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Rant about ILS (LONG!)
Ive tried. I have to leave when she is there. I don't want them to not be able to see DD and H had tried to talk to them about listening to me we have even not brought her over for 2 months because of their actions and things got better for a bit but now back to how it used to be.
I agree with PP, DD is YOUR child and YOU decide what is best for her. Your ILs sound toxic and I would not allow my child to be alone with them. What does your DH say on the matter?
Now having said that, it took me almost two years to be able to stand up to my ILs (but they're just controlling not endangering my child). I have come to realize everyone looks out for their own best interest and you are the one that is looking out for your DD. I give ILs as little information as possible so that they can't argue every decision I make. They still argue but now I brush it off or nod and do what I want anyway.
I wish I had some real advice for you, but I wish you the best of luck! And don't let them come in between you and your DH!
I am not sure exactly what you are looking for with this post but, unfortunately, if it is sympathy, you will not be getting any from me.
Based on what you wrote, you have allowed this behaviour to continue and, as a result, your child has suffered, along with yourself. At this point, you have two choices: either take a stand, or continue to live with the situation as it presents itself.
You really let your ILs STARVE your kid because you "don't want to upset them?" Grow up and be a mother. Protect her from those people and if they want to see her they can come visit you for brief time periods. Do not let her go over to your ILs ever again and never let them babysit.
You're the mom, not your ILs and if your DH or ILs get upset tell him to suck it. Your baby, your choice.
This, these people are nuts. I have crazy IL's but nothing takes the cake quite like yours. I wouldn't bring her to see them unless they follow your rules, not to mention the smoking...is super bad. Root beer?? They need an intervention.
Ok, I didnt read the whole thing, but from what I gather, you ALLOW your ILs to make decisions about your daughter. The formula thing blows my mind. Not that your FIL got the wrong kind, but that you didnt want that kind but gave it to your baby anyway? Why can't you just say "Sorry, that's the wrong kind. DH will go back and get the correct one." If you dont like what they do, then dont allow it. If your ILs dont listen and wont comply with your decisions and you dont trust them? Then DONT ALLOW THEM TO WATCH HER ALONE.
This is really much more simple than you're making it out to be. You are the parent. You get to make the decisions.
Jesus, I just read your other post about your DD's finger getting burned.
You are a mother. It's your job to protect your child. Right now, you're doing a pretty shoddy job of that. Your ILs might be crazy and dangerous, but YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO THIS SH!T to your kid. Allowing your ILs to do whatever they want so you dont hurt their feelings makes you just as dangerous as they are.
YOU are putting your child in harm's way. If you can't say no, then you might as well leave a hot toaster on the ground yourself, give her food she shouldnt have, leave her unattended, etc. You are just as bad as they are; or worse.
Repeat this to yourself, as many times as necessary: It's my job to protect my daughter.
So DO IT.
Ditto this and all other PPs, too. I am sorry your ILs are like this to begin with but you cannot act like your hands are tied and allow them to endanger your LO. If you ever need babysitting, you have to make other arrangements at this point.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
THIS. I am a very big supporter of grandparents rights, but child you need to grow up and cut them off.
I do have crazy in-laws but, as the parent, I have taken steps to ensure the safety of my child(ren), and will continue to do so.
The fact that you let "alot of this slide" because you had never been around a baby is no excuse. You are the mother and, as such, are the voice for your child. Now that you have been made aware of everything, and know what has been going on and what should or should not be tolerated, it is up to you to take a stand and look out for the best interests of your child which, of course, is their health, safety, and happiness.
ETA: Grandparents do not have the right to see a grandchild, especially if they are the reason that her safety is in danger.
Big fat ditto.
oops, dbl post
2012 Races: 3/18 Shamrock Shuffle 5k; 4/14 E.R. Race for Autism 5k (PR! 25:58); 6/9 Riudoso Sprint Triathlon; 6/24 Chunky Monkey 10K; 7/29 Cochiti Lake Olympic Triathlon; 9/16 Chips & Salsa 1/2 Marathon; 10/21 Duke City 1/2 Marathon; 12/2 Rock & Roll 1/2 Marathon in Vegas!
You are the voice that your child doesn't have, and it is your responsibility to keep her safe above all other concerns.
Saying this has been taken out of context has no bearing on anyone's judgement. Context has nothing to do with burns, giving her (or not giving her) food you don't approve of, and neglecting her while under their care. Those things are wrong any way you slice it.
2012 Races: 3/18 Shamrock Shuffle 5k; 4/14 E.R. Race for Autism 5k (PR! 25:58); 6/9 Riudoso Sprint Triathlon; 6/24 Chunky Monkey 10K; 7/29 Cochiti Lake Olympic Triathlon; 9/16 Chips & Salsa 1/2 Marathon; 10/21 Duke City 1/2 Marathon; 12/2 Rock & Roll 1/2 Marathon in Vegas!
your baby your rules. Do not let them see DD. Do not feel bad. My son is 4.5 and he only went to my ILs house twice and that was right around new years. and it was ONLY because DD and I were SOOO sick and my husband had to go. I did not like it very much.
They are HARMING your childs health. And you are LETTING them do it by giving them access and letting them give her rootbeer rather than milk.
You know what is best, not them.
Bull. You are the mom. You HAVE TO STAY THERE if you're going to have them interact so you can keep your DD safe. And you are putting their desires to see your daughter over her health and safety. I know it will cause arguing and drama, but that is your responsibility! You might try talking with a counselor for a few sessions to help you get the courage and strength you need to do what is best for your DD.
OP, ok, sure, they have the right to see their grandkid, but that doesn't mean that they have to be with her unsupervised. Take her over to see them once or twice a week, but stay there with her. If Grandma tries to shove root beer down her throat or Grandpa leaves the hot toaster on the ground, you'll be there to control the situation. If they don't respect your choices than you can politely say, "I'm sorry but I won't bring DD here if you keep doing xxx" and then take your kid and leave. It stinks that you have to deal with this, but avoiding it won't help!! Good luck to you and I'm glad you don't live with them anymore!
No, they don't.
AGREED. You and your husband need to be on the same page as far as your decisions on parenting. AND, once you're in agreement, HE needs to put his foot down with his family.
Crazy ILs are one thing. Child endangerment is another. If your ILs want to see your kid again maybe just meet up at a restaurant or a park. There is no way you should leave your child with them for a very long time, until they can prove they are responsible adults and won't kill your child. I didn't see your post about the burning but imagine if it was more than just a finger. If something else happens and you have to take your LO to the doctor or the emergency room because of it, you know that Child Protective Services could full well be involved and you are 100% allowing your child to be in a known dangerous environment with people who are not fit to be watching her. And then your child could full well be taken from you.
You said your child has had stomach issues and what not. How do you know your ILs haven't been giving her crap like Root Beer for the past year? Pretty much every single thing you said they do is 100% unacceptable. And your pedi was telling you it was unacceptable.
I surely hope you choose never to put your child in danger with these "crazy" and unfit people. Stand up for your child. Or next time you may not be so lucky with a poor burned finger.
This is like a train wreck. Didnt you learn anything the first time? They disregarded your wishes and bought the wrong kind of formula. Then they gave your newborn 8 bottles of water a day! That's extremely dangerous. I wouldn't have allowed them to be alone with my baby after the very first bottle of water.
Either this is mud (every possible crazy IL complaint is in this post) or you're completely clueless. Do not allow your ILs to be alone with your baby. Period. No exceptions. If you do, you're just as guilty of child neglect/endangerment as they are.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Wow, there sure are alot of self-righteous parents on here. I agree that her DD shouldn't be left with her in laws, but there are issues of the heart and mind that can make those decisions very difficult, regardless of what is going on. If the original poster was such a terrible mother, she wouldn't have posted her angst re: the situation in the first place.
To the OP, I really do agree that it is too dangerous to leave your DD there unattended. I don't know what kind of strife it would cause...but maybe you can bring her over there and hang out with them for a few hours once a week (or every other week...to be though, it's not detrimental to their relationship for them not to see her every week).
Make a pregnancy ticker
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:26-27&33-34
Make a pregnancy ticker
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:26-27&33-34
This is where you say "Thank you for trying to help FIL, but i sent DH to return the formula you bought, since we've decided to use X brand". And send your DH to get the stuff you wanted.
How did it "turn into" 8 bottles of water a day? Were you not feeding and supervising your own child? Seriously. One bottle I can see, oh you were napping or something and they gave it to her. But 8 bottles is them doing it ALL DAY LONG. Why are you not taking your child from them and saying "No, no, water. I'm going to feed her formula."?
Again, how are they feeding her stuff you don't want. If you're there, just take away the offending item and say "She's not supposed to have pizza crust" and feed her the jar food. Stand firm and assertive.
Why are you allowing these people to watch your child if they don't follow your and your dr's wishes?
Again, why are you allowing these people to watch your LO if you feel it is that unsafe?