I have GOT to get this vent out-isn't independence the name of this game!?
ateal2490
member
I know this is going to sound like I can't mind my own business, and that may be true, but its bugging me so badly that I feel like if I don't write it out, my head is going to implode. Flame away if you feel the need...I'm prepared for it.
Backstory:
My husband's unit is awesome. They have a "no man will miss his child's birth" policy and are extremely considerate of the family. They have much shorter (but much more frequent) deployments then most and while it sucks to say goodbye several times a year, I feel so blessed that I get to see him between his deployments rather than go an entire year without him home.
There is this wife in the unit that I'm pretty familiar with...we were friends for a bit, but the way she acts just pissed me off to the point where I have to keep our interactions short and sweet.
She has 2 kids...one five and the other four. I know it must suck for her husband to deploy so much with two children to raise, but....there's no excuse for what she's been doing.
Within the last year, she has pulled her husband home from not one, but two deployments as well as one 4-month long (in-state) school that was impertinent (and mandatory) for his job.
The school: She decided she was going to leave him whilst he was attending this school, so the unit sent him home 1/2 way through to tend to "family matters." She ended up leaving anyhow, and later almost caused him to miss a rotation because she "changed her mind" and asked him to drive the 6,000 mile round trip distance to bring her home.
Deployment #1: She decided (yes, decided) to have elective surgery to remove her gallbladder. She complained of it hurting, but when I personally took her to the hospital, they told her she was fine. She went to get a second opinion and that doctor said the same thing. The third doctor told her she had one tiny gallstone and could hold off surgery for 6 months at the least to see if it grew large enough for it to actually require removal...or she could have the surgery that week if she didn't want to wait. I promise you, I stayed with her for the weeks prior to these appointments...she was NOT in pain.
So, she got the surgery...pulled her husband out of Afghanistan 3 weeks before he was set to return so she could get it...and then lied and said she was "still healing and couldn't move" for about 3 weeks post-surgery, in which her husband had to take off work to "take care of the kids"...even though she was up and walking around/cleaning/complaining for 2 out of those 3 weeks.
Deployment #2: Her stepmother passes away....its sad, really, and I feel for her, but here's the thing: she decided to pull her 5 yr old out of school, grab a friend who has a 1 yr old, pack up, and drive 3,000 miles to go "help" her dad, three weeks after her stepmom (who she'd never met) passed...3 weeks after the funeral. Until 3 months ago, she hadn't spoken to her dad in 15 years....and claimed to hate him. He had never met her children, called, sent x-mas presents for the kids, nothing. This happens and she jumps at the chance to take a road trip to "help" although her entire family lives in the same state as her dad and were already taking care of the family. She took her friend for help...but apparently that wasn't enough because she PULLED her husband home AGAIN. 2 weeks into a deployment, and hes on a plane back home. W.T.F.
Between those 2 deployments she tried to get him to come back home for a thousand reasons:
1. She believed someone had tapped the lines between her and her deployed husband because she got a prank call...she claimed she was in imminent danger.
2. She went to the hospital for an "elevated heart rate"....of 90 beats per minute.
3. She claimed to have pain from her surgery...that she had almost 9 months ago.
4. She insisted that a lump in her husbands cheek was cancer...and was PISSED to find out it wasn't because "it would have been nice to have him home for Christmas." Umm...
I, myself, have been through a miscarriage, a break-in at my home, three apartment floods that ruined all of our things, a move, two deaths in the family, broken bones, being hit by a car while jogging, and an incident where another unit guy tried to force himself on me...and never have I even considered asking to have DH pulled from a deployment.
My best friend had her husband leave 5 days after her baby was born, before she had even healed...when her baby got sick, she didn't have her husband pulled from his deployment. She took care of it herself.
Please tell me if I'm nuts, but I feel like this is ridiculous. Isn't it part of the job description to learn to stand on your own two feet when DH is gone? To play the role of both parents, and to assure you at least attempt to take care of your problems before stressing DH out with your tales of distress and weakness?
She has NO consideration for the repercussions of her actions. Her DH has been the same rank for 7 years....and she wonders why. The other wives despise her because whenever her DH comes home, one of theirs goes in his place, regardless if he just landed back on U.S soil or not. And her DH has no balls, it seems...if I tried that crap with my husband, he'd call me out in a millisecond. I want my husband to be respected...and I'd never ask him to jeopardize that so I could have some help taking care of people I don't even know. Ugh, I cannot stand it. At this point, I hope they get PCS'd into a unit that does long deployments and won't pull their men for stupid shiit like his current one tends to do.
Omg, that's long...finally my rants over.
Now tell me to mind my own damn business if you please.
Re: I have GOT to get this vent out-isn't independence the name of this game!?
Agree 100%, I have been through some stuff my self, and NEVER called to have red cross (different for Navy) bring my hubby home...
You marry military you marry to be always be #2. I know it sucks, but thats the way it is... And you go in to it know whats going to happen...
IMHO he should have let her stay gone! What a B****, i am pissed thinking about it! And she is very lucky that the wives of the replacement soliders have not cornered her or jumped her in a dark ally! lol
My navy wives are like this, if you pull something that effects one of us, its effects us all, and you better be ready for an a** kicking, so to speak... lol
Good Luck with this one... And I would be seperating my self from her for sure, and as I dont have the word filter, i would also tell her like it is!
Just my opinion for what its worth...
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!
A group of us called out a chick at an FRG meeting for similar actions. It was the first deployment with a new BC. Chick, who is notorious for her bad behavior and actions similar to the chick you mentioned, stands up and asks him when he's going to make AKO more Blackberry friendly because it takes so much time out of her day to go check her email on a computer when she can just check all her other messages on her phone. All of us who had seen her crap for a while let her have it. The BC listened to what we had to say and then asked for her name and her husbands info. She called 4 weeks in saying she was having a m/c but could not produce any paperwork from a doctor. They didn't send him home. She went to the staff duty desk and started pitching a fit. They sent him home. A few weeks later, he was being sent to another unit. Buh-bye
My point is, speak up. Let her have it. In a high tempo unit, there is absolutely no reason to keep someone around who can not do his job to the best of his ability.
It would be a literal a$$kicking if this stuff happened here.
Le sigh, I'd make a horrible commander's wife.
So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"
Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards
First things first, you all deserve some eye candy for reading all of that..so here it is:
On to the matter at hand:
Kdf- I know, right? The first time she stopped a single soldier from being able to go home for the holidays....instead of taking leave to go home,he spent the holidays in Afghanistan. The thought makes my blood boil. The wives despise this chick...I hate that our battalion is so tiny that its literally impossible to avoid even one family..but I'm sure I'll find a way. Or I'll just become an advocate for her and her DH's removal.
Leah- She got super pissed at me because she wrote me on FB saying "the unit is so mad at L, he's "being" sent home again (she always claims its the unit that forces him to go home...right) and I told her how fcking ridiculous that was and told her she better pray it wasn't my DH going in her DH's place. She said she didn't understand, and the unit said themselves that "she'd been through enough already...." like what...a whole week alone!?! Alert the press! What an accomplishment!
Nah, more like... Whatabitch.
iluvmytxt- You have got to be joking...who is that petty to bring that up at a meeting with their BC.. a NEW BC at that!??!?!? Because that's sooo important, isn't it? That biiitch needs an iPad. Problem solved. And I have a feeling this chicks DH is going to get the boot sometime soon as well. Being in his unit is an absolute privilege and he doesn't seem to be showing his appreciation very well. I don't know why the fccck they even deploy him anymore. It would be cheaper just to let him stay at home with his "wife" for the rest of his career...or lack thereof.
Emolm- Do you work for hire!?!?
Sami- Get it girl! Kudos for doing all of that on your own. Girls like you give us all a great name
And I really wish our CO wouldn't allow this to keep happening.....
Pesci12- Agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed. Aren't unit wives supposed to stick together? Not each other into having their husband's yanked from beneath their covers to go cover for someone who wants to go on a road trip? She has got this all wrong..and to think she's been a military wife for 7 years and has done long deployments with her DH before he came to the unit. I really want to know wtf she did when her coffee pot broke....inquire about a Red Cross message?
And wouldn't you think that pulling this crap would cause your husband a great deal of embarrassment? I would part the skies to assure that DH doesn't look like shiit to his unit because its important to him to be respected for his hard work rather than to be known by his lack of integrity and commitment which is fueled by his psychotic wife.
Oh, I adore you all. I seriously expected flames. You guys rock
Wow. Just wow. I agree with all the PPs. And I LOL'd at the eye-candy!
What makes me the most mad about this is for the wives of the replacement soldiers. I would be L.I.V.I.D.!!!
I'd speak up, actually I'd rally some of the other wives and start making a few waves. And I'm a very hands-off, butt-out kind of person when it comes to military stuff especially, but I'd want her the heck out of the unit. Ugh.