Any polite way?

happywifemomofone · January 2012

I have a coworker that's about 4 months PG with her second-she's in her early 30's. Yesterday she found out that she's having a girl-and I felt like all day long I had to overhear all the baby talk. This is getting much much harder for me, as I'm beginning to think that this will never happen for me. I was finding all the talk hurtful and just wanted to shout-"you know not everyone's as lucky as you!!! Would appreciate if you could talk baby in private, or at least out of my earshot." Instead I avoided, and just tried to stay away. She's on her way to 2 under 2, and I'm super envious. Any ideas?.....I know that I can avoid-but I cann't continue to overhear the baby talk day in and day out right now. Unfortunately, I don't have an office where I can just shut the door. All this conversation was taking place at the nurses station-which is the only place I have computer access

brooklynesque · January 2012

I'm sorry -- that's really tough.

In a meeting yesterday I found out a co-worker's wife had just had their baby. A couple other (male) lawyers at my firm have recently had babies as well. One of my bosses said "wow, we're a fertile bunch around here these days!" Thank God I was in a fairly good mood yesterday or I would have slammed my head down on the table in front of everybody.

Llamamama · January 2012

She is never going to realize how hurtful it is to you unless she is told...and that could get very tricky. You can either suffer in silence (which sounds like torture) or tell her how you feel (which could make work more uncomfortable than it is). I think I personally would just try to limit the amount of time I was in that area and hope that the excitement gets old and a new topic to talk about starts soon. I would also hope that someone asks me something that would give me an "in" to discuss how I was feeling--like "Happy wife, are you planning to go to the lunch with Sally to plan the baby shower?" Then THAT person could be told about how sad you are to hear about it all and then THAT person would surely do something to cut back on the public discussion.

I am so sorry I didn't have any super ideas...it must be really hard for you.

Mrs.McIrish · January 2012

I have no good advice but I know how tough it is. I had a girl standing outside my doorway for 9 months talking incessantly. I do have a door though and used it often. For the first time since I started TTC, no one in my office is currently pg.

pillowass · January 2012

I'm so sorry - I have been in this situation before and it feels like the world is just punching you in the face for no reason. I don't think there is an easy solution that doesn't involve outing yourself (not sure how private you are about your situation) If your pregnant coworker is sensitive, you may try to find an opportunity to tell her what you are going through, with the hope that she will tone down the baby talk when you are around. If she's not sensitive this could backfire, though.

Having lost a child a little over a year ago, I know what it's like to have people walking on eggshells around me, afraid to talk about their children. It's incredibly painful and uncomfortable either way, but ultimately I decided I would rather people not censor themselves around me. She's going to feel joy, and you're going to feel pain, and you're both entitled to these very legitimate reactions to her pregnancy. I think that the most important thing you can do is to be kind to yourself during these really tough moments and make sure you are well-supported. ((hugs))

KZ2010 · January 2012

I don't have any good words of advice, aside from avoiding her as much as possible when this is the topic of conversation, but I just wanted to say I've been there and understand how hard this is for you. I'm sorry this is so in-your-face at work...that's really difficult. ((hugs)) to you!

MelleTX · January 2012

pillowass:
She's going to feel joy, and you're going to feel pain, and you're both entitled to these very legitimate reactions to her pregnancy. I think that the most important thing you can do is to be kind to yourself during these really tough moments and make sure you are well-supported. ((hugs))

This.

I am so sorry this will be tough for you at work for a while. I wish there was good advice for how to get through it, but there's not. It's not fair and it sucks. I'm sorry!

Adi · January 2012

The previous posters are right. She is understandably excited about it, just as you are very understandably unpset by it. Is it possible to talk to some in HR? They may be able to talk to the supervisors and help keep the personal conversations to break times, while keeping your name anonymous.

mtlaurel · January 2012

I'm sorry you have to deal with that at work. I would just avoid her as much as possible. It feels incredibly unfair, but it would be the easiest path in my opinion.

ForTheLoveOf Pink · January 2012

It is so hard to listen to the baby and kid talk. The days when I can deal are the days that I can tune it all out and go to the fantasy world! In this world I tell myself not to worry and it is okay others are pg or Mom's. I let myself know that in that moment my time will come. I've told myself this for so long brain believes it .......it is just the fact that my heart knows it is not likely.

ksmielitz · January 2012

SIGGY WARNING!

I gave this some great thought...as I do have children...and so I pretended that I was pregnant again and thought about how it would feel for someone to approach me and ask me not to talk about it.

I pride myself on being empathetic. I would welcome being told that it bothers you, so that I could avoid making you uncomfortable. Probably the simplest way to go about it (assuming you trust this coworker enough to share the info) is to say "Congratulations on your baby girl. Listen, I'm struggling with trying to get pregnant and talk about upcoming babies is really difficult on me. Would you please do me a favor and try and keep it to a minimum around me?"

I'm not saying she's going to jump for joy or be excited about not talking about her coming baby, but if she has ANY common courtesy she will respect your wishes.

Good luck!!

Julie581 · January 2012

Just try to be nice, and politely ask her to keep it down. If she's a decent person she'll respect your wishes. If she's a ***, then you're probably SOL

I use to work in an office where there was always someone pregnant. We had over 50 women working there so it was very common. They use to have a running joke that there was something in the water until I broke down in tears one day and left early. That kinda put a stop to all the crap. After refusing to visit my in-laws in for months my father-in-law even decided that wasn't a very funny joke. (He worked there too.)

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