A bit frustrated with DH

chicagobride_07 · January 2012

We just started TTC- but due to extremely low AMH (less than 0.16), GYN thinks I need an RE consult. She gave a very bad prognosis to me using my own eggs, but thought I could benefit from a specialists opinion.

DH is very supportive and excited about the TTC plans, but he is in denial about possible IF. I am almost 42 and I know it will not be easy (I kind of guessed this even before the AMH results). I've wanted to have some discussions about our options (DE vs. adoption, etc.) and he listens but doesn't fully engage in the conversation. He wants to see what the RE says about our chances of conceiving naturally. I know that he is holding out hope, but I just don't think it is going to happen- and I want him more fully engaged in what we will do next. Also, I'd like to start treatment sooner rather than later, given my age. Does this make sense?

His sister has 4 kids- one born at 39, another at 41- both without fertility treatments. Unfortunately, I just don't think it will be that easy for us.

What would you do in my situation? He is a sweet guy; he just does not want to face reality, I suppose.

happywifemomofone · January 2012

I hear your frustration-but husband's typically catch on to IF, and all things IF related, much slower than the ladies experiencing it do. I feel that after a year of IF treatment, my husband is just now starting to see some of the picture....including how important this is to me. He may need to see you cycle failures, before he understands in a concrete way and is able to consider other alternatives. There are quite a few ladies with low AMH like yours, but this result is NOT the end all tell all. Some ladies have gotten PG on their own, but many more have struggle the multiple cycles hoping to find that one egg that can result in a healthy pregnancy. Would look for a RE who has ALOT of experience working with DOR and AMA. Your husband will likely come around in his own time, would give him the space to reach his conclusions in his own time.

Temp556193750005695 · January 2012

My DH is 6 yrs younger than me and it took him 2 yrs. to agree to TTC. After not getting pg, it took the MFI dx and another year for him to agree to IVF. Even that was a process, because he couldn't believe that we, in particular he, wasn't going to have a family the old fashioned way. In the last two to three months, he's been very supportive and now he's starting to really get involved. It's frustrating but try to educate him and include him as much as you can. I'm glad to see you reaching out for support --I really wish I had known about this board sooner because it would've prevented me from spending the past 18 months feeling very alone about our IF.

Amyaggie97 · January 2012

I agree with the others it does take a while for them to catch on sometimes. For my DH it was about the time I had surgery and ended up on Lupron. We went to an RE and he started really listening and participating then. Maybe it was the prices that scared him, who knows but he is actively participating in all discussions now.

mtlaurel · January 2012

As others said, it seems most men are slower to engage in the process. My DH didn't respond to much until he heard from a doctor (no matter how many times I might have said the same things in advance). So, my advice is to make sure he sees the RE with you and that you ask the RE to put everything out on the table.

Even now, when we know we are DOR and MFI, have 2 failed IVFs under our belts and are pursuing DE, my DH still makes comments about how we might get PG naturally. I'm never sure if he's trying to be positive for me, or if he really holds out that much hope. Regardless, he clearly just handles it all very differently.

Maybe Joleisa · January 2012

Like others have mentioned, my DH just didn't get it and thought it would just happen for us. He was supportive, but not in the way I needed him to be.

Last weekend I bought him the book, "How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup: A Guy's Guide to the World of Infertility" and he finally gets it! He crammed to finish it before our appointment this morning and it was refreshing to have him know exactly what the RE was saying right along with me.

He said he wishes he would've had that book last year when we started treatments, so that he would've known all that I was going through. I would tell him, but somehow the author (a guy whose wife went through IF treatments) got through to him in a way I wasn't able to.

Best of luck to you!

Julie581 · January 2012

I'm almost always frustrated with my hubby. Occasionally, it's even baby related lol It took years for him to understand that it's not normal to have unprotected sex for years and not get pregnant. The final straw for him was listening to my best friends mom say that she didn't think she's ever get to be a grandmother (her kids don't have kids by choice). Then he was like "wow, I don't ever want you to say that". Now he's on board with the idea, but I think he thinks that since I just did my first round of clomid that I should be pregnant now. Not realizing that nothing ever works that easily for me.

Just be patient with yours and I'm sure he'll come around. Good luck!! *hugs*

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