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2nd Trimester
Suern9870
member
Am I being strange for not wanting to announce gender?
Suern9870
member
We're expecting our 3rd child in May. We found out the gender at the 18 week a/s. My husband and I decided we did not want to tell everyone the gender and would rather wait until the baby is born to make an announcement. For myself, my reasoning is that I'm 41 yrs old, although all screening shows baby is healthy, I guess I'm having some anxiety 'something' could go wrong, and don't want to count my blessings until they've 'hatched', so to speak, KWIM? Maybe I'm being superstitious and silly, but it's just how I feel.
Anyway, I was talking to mom earlier (she is one of only 2 people who know babies gender) And she was repeating a conversation she had with my aunt. Mom was telling me she wishes I would just tell everyone, saying my aunt has been harassing her and making statements to the effect of "what does she thing she's the 1st woman to ever have a baby? what's the big deal?". I'm a little put off that my mother even repeated the conversation to me, let alone didn't defend my right to choose whether or not to reveal. But now I'm wondering, am I being silly? If I were your relative or friend, would you care if I said we've decided to wait until baby is born to announce gender?? TIA
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Re: Am I being strange for not wanting to announce gender?
Totally ur choice. Tell your mom you would appreciate it if she helped supprt your choice to keep it to yourself. Tell ur aunt to f off.
That is a big secret for your mom to keep though. I hope she sticks with it!
I feel kind of the same way. After my ectopic last year I often get very nervous when it comes to telling anyone anything about baby. I get nervous to buy stuff or plan ahead because I'm afraid something might go wrong. My mom, MIL and my grandmother are kind of upset that I'm finding out what the sex is. I try telling them that its much as a surprise now as it will be at delivery. Also I'm a photographer and I want to know the sex to plan ahead for my LO's newborn shoot. I'm still deciding whether or not to share with everyone else when I find out.
So I say don't tell them if you don't want to. Its your pregnancy and you should enjoy it. Its kind of nice having that little private secret to yourself and hubby. Its your journey not everyone else's. As much as they love you and want to be there for you, they should just step back a bit and let you enjoy your time with your baby.
It's 100% up to you & your DH whether or not to share! I'm glad your mother is respecting your decision & not giving in to pressure!
We were team green with DS but my FIL kept acting like we knew & just weren't telling anyone. We said "No, but even if we did, we wouldn't tell!" It's up to the parents what info to share & when. Just because you're not the 1st woman to have a baby doesn't mean you don't have your personal reasons for your choices! (Honestly, I wish we had been team green this time too because I thought it was really exciting to tell everyone it was a boy after we had him!)
I understand being nervous about something going wrong, but how is that related to the baby's sex?
I do think it's a little silly to know and not tell anyone, but it's your kid, so it's up to you. Try not to let the aunt bother you.
Photo courtesy of mrs_b
Honestly without knowing your reason I would find it off putting for a couple to know the sex and not want to tell anyone. My feeling would be that if they didn't want be to be involved in their excitement then fine, I would channel my energy elsewhere.
It really is up to you. But I think we get so wrapped up in what WE want that we forget how our decisions affect others.
So what if people buy clothes that you don't want to put on your baby. Just thank them for their generosity and put the outfit at the back of the closet until the baby grows out of it and then donate it.
FWIW, I don't want to know the gender of our baby until birth because I feel like having a healthy baby is my #1 priority and I don't want anything to detract from that. If heaven forbid something goes wrong will it matter more or less depending on the gender? Certainly not. But I'm not doing this to prevent people from buying pink or blue clothing. Maybe my reason isn't any better than yours. That is why I say it is up to you. But I do think you might want to consider how others are receiving the "we know but we're not telling" message.
Same here! FTM and I don't want everyone to go crazy buying clothes and gender specific items when i could have gotten things i need off my registry. So i decided that since i am not the best at keeping a secret i will tell who ever is planning the baby shower the sex so they can plan appropriately but send out a neutral invitation to guests. So when everyone arrives for shower it will be a gender surprise at same time! At least thats the plan but we will see if i shout it from the rooftops after the US in 6 weeks! :-P
Most people keep the name a secret, but it's pretty rare to know the gender and not share that. So, I can understand why people are super curious and bugging you.
That said, if you want to keep the gender a secret, wouldn't it be easiest to tell people that you yourself didn't even find out? It's one thing to make it a fun surprise, but I think it rubs people (i.e. close relatives who probably already love this baby) the wrong way to play the "I know something you don't know" game.
Bottom line, it is your body, your baby, your choice. But I avoid confrontation, so moving forward, if it were me, I'd pretend that I didn't know the gender either.