I can't stop crying. (Sad, related to loss on September board)

christyjane17 · January 2012

I cannot imagine what the mom who lost her three month old must be going through.

I have been crying ever since I read the story. DH read it and he teared up, too.

I have been complaining about my child getting up at 3 am to eat. I have complained about his fussiness with gas. I have complained that he spits up too much. Then something like this puts things in perspective.

No real point to this post. And I can't put into words how vulnerable I feel right now and I how I feel the need to hold my sweet baby ALL NIGHT. I feel so blessed to have a healthy baby and my heart hurts for that mom, dad, and sweet angel baby.

luvmyducks · January 2012

sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.

Uhhh, you can say you are so sorry and give ((hugs)).

I haven't lost an infant, but I've lost babies, and believe me, condolences are very appreciated.

ETA: Odd, the title of this post says "Sad" but yet you opened it and responded. But you can't do it for someone that is grieving. Real sensitive.

OP, I agree, it puts everything into perspective.

jmo866 · January 2012

I just looked up her post, I don't even know what to say, I am crying too, that is so sad. I have lost a parent, far too young, but I don't believe that ANYTHING could ever compare to the devastation of losing a child, and so young. This is absolutely heartbreaking.

SailorGray · January 2012

I cannot get that poor mom out my head. I had a lot of tourble letting go of DS1 tonight at bedtime and DS2 is still sitting here with me. I can't stop thinking of that poor baby and that poor family.

Rawr08 · January 2012

It is sad. Instead of making your own thread to make you feel better, how about you offer her the support she needs right now? That Mom is a dear friend of mine, and needs all the support she can get. Offer her a *hug*, send her some love, anything is better than nothing.

amymccoy1217 · January 2012

I cant stop hugging my son. I cant even imagine, it makes me feel sick to think about.

itsmegin · January 2012

luvmyducks:
sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.
Uhhh, you can say you are so sorry and give ((hugs)).
I haven't lost an infant, but I've lost babies, and believe me, condolences are very appreciated.
ETA: Odd, the title of this post says "Sad" but yet you opened it and responded. But you can't do it for someone that is grieving. Real sensitive.

OP, I agree, it puts everything into perspective.

100% this. I can't believe how many people are reading that post and not even taking two seconds to type out some words of comfort in response. It's sickening.

damabo80 · January 2012

sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.

Since you apparently missed the lesson in common sense and decency, here are a few responses you can choose from:

a) I'm sorry for your loss

b) I'm so sorry for your loss

c) you'll be in my thoughts

d) Hugs to you

e) choose a few from the above and add them together, such as: "I'm sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts."

And, yes, during such a sad event in a person's life, it's nice to know that there are people out there supporting you.

Kimmie Ann · January 2012

I had already cried twice today thinking about sending my own LO to daycare and not being with her all day to smell her and kiss her and see her smiles. I'm distraught at the thought of leaving her for a few hours. I can't imagine...can't even fathom the pain she must be feeling.

Snow1010 · January 2012

This whole freaking post is making me angry. I don't think the OP or the next poster meant any harm. But being a bunch of catty b*itches about responses is just stupid. Not the time to be starting "fights". Considering the topic of this post, just move on if you don't like what someone else has to say.

SailorGray · January 2012

Snow1010:
This whole freaking post is making me angry. I don't think the OP or the next poster meant any harm. But being a bunch of catty b*itches about responses is just stupid. Not the time to be starting "fights". Considering the topic of this post, just move on if you don't like what someone else has to say.

Yea, I am not sure why people are being snarky in this post either. We may not have known the Mom on IRL or on here, but I think this has had a major impact on all of us. Usually this stuff brings people together, not cause friction. I am not sure what is going on in this post.

christyjane17 · January 2012

WOW : ( I just posted up to share feelings. I am truly sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intent at all.

JennyAnne022776 · January 2012

In general, I just find this kind of post tacky and in poor taste.

Right now, it is about the thoughts and prayers needed for that family and that sweet baby. It's not about ME, or feeling sick to MY stomach, or that it makes ME sad, or that I need to hang on to MY boys tighter tonight.

It is about their time of grieving and their incredible loss. No, words from strangers will not take her pain away. But I'm sure the words of support could only help. The fact that people won't take a moment to post a word of reassurance, but will go to other boards to talk about it bothers me.

OP, I know you didn't mean to offend anyone and there's probably a lot of people that aren't offended at all, I just don't generally care for these posts.

babyAutumn · January 2012

I for one since hearing about this am glad that my LO wakes twice at night to feed.

luvmyducks · January 2012

sbrowarny:
Im sure a bunch of people on the internet would make you all feel better...and while as usual TB is full of drama queens jumping on someon, I said nothing you could say would make them feel better...and reading sad posts is something I dont do . why thats so earth shattering is beyond me. I still expressed my sorrow for her loss to her post.

Since you didn't get the intent of my post, I will break it down for you.

Offering ((hugs)), sympathy, T&Ps, etc. is helpful and appreciated for the ones grieving. I know this bc I have been there. And unfortunately so have some of my friends from the loss boards. The ones grieving are moved when we offer support and a lot of times they get more support from us here on TB then they do IRL. It does make them feel better. No, nothing can take the pain away, but knowing that people care and are thinking/praying for you makes them feel better.

Have you had a tragedy happen to you while you've been on the boards? Have you received support from posters? If not, then you don't know whether people on the internet make you feel better or not. So maybe you shouldn't say what will make the grieving mother feel better, because you probably haven't been in her shoes. She has thanked us in more than one post for all the responses and messages she has been getting.

And I didn't see where you expressed any sorrow....

luvmyducks · January 2012

Snow1010:
This whole freaking post is making me angry. I don't think the OP or the next poster meant any harm. But being a bunch of catty b*itches about responses is just stupid. Not the time to be starting "fights". Considering the topic of this post, just move on if you don't like what someone else has to say.

Well, maybe you should take your own advice. Who is the one calling names here? Yeah, you.

Regardless of whether harm was the intent or not, some people need to know that their responses and actions are insensitive.

Have you seen how many views the grieving mother's post has? And how few responses? Yeah, it would take a few seconds to respond with something nice.

luvmyducks · January 2012

SailorGray:
Snow1010:
This whole freaking post is making me angry. I don't think the OP or the next poster meant any harm. But being a bunch of catty b*itches about responses is just stupid. Not the time to be starting "fights". Considering the topic of this post, just move on if you don't like what someone else has to say.

Yea, I am not sure why people are being snarky in this post either. We may not have known the Mom on IRL or on here, but I think this has had a major impact on all of us. Usually this stuff brings people together, not cause friction. I am not sure what is going on in this post.

It's called "Sensitivity Fail"

Excited Mrs P · January 2012

Can someone please clicky the link to the original post... I would like to at least offer my condolences, but can't seem to find it?

Thank you

luvmyducks · January 2012

sbrowarny:
i got the point of both your pointless statements Luv. if you had gone to her post you would see where i posted. now why dont you go hug your kid and be thankful for what you have instaed of trying be to snarky about something so pointless.

Yeah, because I don't feel that way or do that already? I've prayed for years for my take home baby, so you bet your @ss I am thankful.

I'm giving my support for someone I know who just lost her baby. And trying to explain to a couple of posters who just don't get it. It's not pointless at all. And if you really got my point, you really wouldn't be calling it pointless.

I'm glad you were able to get over your own issues with "sad" posts and gave her your condolences. I know she appreciates it. Even if you only went and posted over there after I called you out on here.

luvmyducks · January 2012

Excited Mrs P:
Can someone please clicky the link to the original post... I would like to at least offer my condolences, but can't seem to find it?
Thank you

Here is her post telling the story.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62183553.aspx

SailorGray · January 2012

I am not sure why people think we aren't offering our T&P to her. I tried to as soon as it was 1st brought up on this board, but I kept getting error messages (High traffic?). Even then I was apprehanesive b/c I am not a regular on that board and I know how some boards are with non-regualr posters. I did as soon as I got back on tonight and was able and there were several pages of condolensces (sp?). I don't know. This thread is turning weird.

SailorGray · January 2012

itsmegin:
luvmyducks:

sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.

Uhhh, you can say you are so sorry and give ((hugs)).

I haven't lost an infant, but I've lost babies, and believe me, condolences are very appreciated.

ETA: Odd, the title of this post says "Sad" but yet you opened it and responded. But you can't do it for someone that is grieving. Real sensitive.

OP, I agree, it puts everything into perspective.

100% this. I can't believe how many people are reading that post and not even taking two seconds to type out some words of comfort in response. It's sickening.

Are you referring to the post below on this board or the post on the other board?

christyjane17 · January 2012

I'm so sorry everyone. I really didn't intend to upset anyone or cause an argument. I just thought we could share our feelings because we all have small babies and it's hard to hear this story.

The fact that I am sad is not meant to take anything away from the grief of that family and I offered my condolences.

Again, sorry. Please know I did not mean to be insensitive or selfish.

AmorXAeterna · January 2012

sbrowarny:
Keep arguing. you migt make platinum before the night is through.

If I was you I would watch the snark...

JennyAnne022776 · January 2012

christyjane17:
I'm so sorry everyone. I really didn't intend to upset anyone or cause an argument. I just thought we could share our feelings because we all have small babies and it's hard to hear this story.
The fact that I am sad is not meant to take anything away from the grief of that family and I offered my condolences.

Again, sorry. Please know I did not mean to be insensitive or selfish.

I know you didn't. I have no idea what is going on with the rest of the tomfoolery in here.

luvmyducks · January 2012

christyjane17:
I'm so sorry everyone. I really didn't intend to upset anyone or cause an argument. I just thought we could share our feelings because we all have small babies and it's hard to hear this story.
The fact that I am sad is not meant to take anything away from the grief of that family and I offered my condolences.

Again, sorry. Please know I did not mean to be insensitive or selfish.

I never had an issue with you posting this. We all have young babies and when horrible things like this happen, it upsets everyone. You are not the one being incredibly insensitive.

Excited Mrs P · January 2012

luvmyducks:
Excited Mrs P:
Can someone please clicky the link to the original post... I would like to at least offer my condolences, but can't seem to find it?
Thank you
Here is her post telling the story.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62183553.aspx

Thank you

luvmyducks · January 2012

SailorGray:
itsmegin:
luvmyducks:

sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.

Uhhh, you can say you are so sorry and give ((hugs)).

I haven't lost an infant, but I've lost babies, and believe me, condolences are very appreciated.

ETA: Odd, the title of this post says "Sad" but yet you opened it and responded. But you can't do it for someone that is grieving. Real sensitive.

OP, I agree, it puts everything into perspective.

100% this. I can't believe how many people are reading that post and not even taking two seconds to type out some words of comfort in response. It's sickening.

Are you referring to the post below on this board or the post on the other board?

The mother's post. There are over 14K views and just 300+ responses.

SailorGray · January 2012

luvmyducks:
christyjane17:

I'm so sorry everyone. I really didn't intend to upset anyone or cause an argument. I just thought we could share our feelings because we all have small babies and it's hard to hear this story.

The fact that I am sad is not meant to take anything away from the grief of that family and I offered my condolences.

Again, sorry. Please know I did not mean to be insensitive or selfish.

I never had an issue with you posting this. We all have young babies and when horrible things like this happen, it upsets everyone. You are not the one being incredibly insensitive.

Ooohhh, now I think I understand.

SailorGray · January 2012

luvmyducks:
SailorGray:
itsmegin:
luvmyducks:

sbrowarny:
Thats why I don't read those things...as soon as I see someone post something with the header "sad", I dont even go there. You know its not going to be good and there isnt anything you can really say that's going to make that person feel better.

Uhhh, you can say you are so sorry and give ((hugs)).

I haven't lost an infant, but I've lost babies, and believe me, condolences are very appreciated.

ETA: Odd, the title of this post says "Sad" but yet you opened it and responded. But you can't do it for someone that is grieving. Real sensitive.

OP, I agree, it puts everything into perspective.

100% this. I can't believe how many people are reading that post and not even taking two seconds to type out some words of comfort in response. It's sickening.

Are you referring to the post below on this board or the post on the other board?

The mother's post. There are over 14K views and just 300+ responses.

Gotcha. I bet people have read it several times, though. I know I read it a few times. I know it doesn't totally make up for it, but maybe a little?

luvmyducks · January 2012

EmpireMomof3:
sbrowarny:
Keep arguing. you migt make platinum before the night is through.

You truly are in idiot in the full sense. Ducks is not arguing with you to make platinum. That's so ridiculous. She's trying to get you to understand that:
1.) You contradict yourself when you say you don't open post with "sad" in the title, yet you opened this one.
2.) You could and SHOULD offer a few words to the grieving family. It's just what a person should do to another regardless if you know them or not.
3.) You contradict yourself AGAIN when you say how you get the point of her pointless posts. Hmmmm. That statement in itself made you sound so intelligent. /sarcasm

Thank you

But she won't get it. I'm guessing troll.

jmcdionne · January 2012

How did this become so hostile? Why can't people see it for what it is?

Everyone is different and there is a variety of ways to deal with this. They vary and that's ok. We're not all cookie cutters of each other. Consider the intention. I'm sure OP had no bad intentions. Want it or not, that tragedy generates feelings and it is usually favorable to talk about them and some may think that a group setting is beneficial.

And calling people out for not commenting is not necessary. People deal with this differently and some feel that posting their sympathies on a random thread is not beneficial. It would be nice to not have to face such judgement. Harping on this does not make one look any more supportive, just intolerant of differences.

Please, just give your child a hug, post/share condolences if you want and leaves differences of opinion aside- they do not concern anyone and the couple grieving is not benefiting from this cat fight.

jmo866 · January 2012

jmcdionne:
How did this become so hostile? Why can't people see it for what it is?

Everyone is different and there is a variety of ways to deal with this. They vary and that's ok. We're not all cookie cutters of each other. Consider the intention. I'm sure OP had no bad intentions. Want it or not, that tragedy generates feelings and it is usually favorable to talk about them and some may think that a group setting is beneficial.

And calling people out for not commenting is not necessary. People deal with this differently and some feel that posting their sympathies on a random thread is not beneficial. It would be nice to not have to face such judgement. Harping on this does not make one look any more supportive, just intolerant of differences.
Please, just give your child a hug, post/share condolences if you want and leaves differences of opinion aside- they do not concern anyone and the couple grieving is not benefiting from this cat fight.

Yes Yes Yes

SoxFan777 · January 2012

Maybe people are being hostile because it hurts too much to think about the real issue... There is a lot of fear in ourselves when we see someone else lose a child through no fault of their own. It terrifies us. Sometimes people lash out when they're scared.

I hope that this women, who I don't know but lives geographically VERY close to me, gets an explanation and that they daycare "provider" is appropriately punished for lying to her about her credentials. It's scary.

jmcdionne · January 2012

SoxFan777:
Maybe people are being hostile because it hurts too much to think about the real issue... There is a lot of fear in ourselves when we see someone else lose a child through no fault of their own. It terrifies us. Sometimes people lash out when they're scared.

I hope that this women, who I don't know but lives geographically VERY close to me, gets an explanation and that they daycare "provider" is appropriately punished for lying to her about her credentials. It's scary.

Indeed.
I actually wish she (daycare provider) could be exposed to prevent other parents from trusting her with their child. It's so sad. Really, if she lied about everything, how are you, as a parent, supposed to know any better?

I find it sad that mom blames herself for this horrible tragedy.

SailorGray · January 2012

jmcdionne:
SoxFan777:

Maybe people are being hostile because it hurts too much to think about the real issue... There is a lot of fear in ourselves when we see someone else lose a child through no fault of their own. It terrifies us. Sometimes people lash out when they're scared.

I hope that this women, who I don't know but lives geographically VERY close to me, gets an explanation and that they daycare "provider" is appropriately punished for lying to her about her credentials. It's scary.

Indeed.
I actually wish she (daycare provider) could be exposed to prevent other parents from trusting her with their child. It's so sad. Really, if she lied about everything, how are you, as a parent, supposed to know any better?

I find it sad that mom blames herself for this horrible tragedy.

whittier06 · January 2012

sbrowarny:
Right. I'm the idiot. Not you both who seem to have issues with reading comprehension. I'm pretty sure I said now 4 times that I posted I was sorry to her post. And who are you to judge what others should do and what they shouldn't when something.horrible happens to someone they don't know on the internet. I think you should f off and try to get a grip. I'm done justifying my actions to a bunch of morons looking to boost their post counts.

I agree! I don't see anything wrong with what you said, sbrowarny. Snarky snarky b!tches all over TB.

indytara · January 2012

JennyAnne022776:
In general, I just find this kind of post tacky and in poor taste.
Right now, it is about the thoughts and prayers needed for that family and that sweet baby. It's not about ME, or feeling sick to MY stomach, or that it makes ME sad, or that I need to hang on to MY boys tighter tonight.
It is about their time of grieving and their incredible loss. No, words from strangers will not take her pain away. But I'm sure the words of support could only help. The fact that people won't take a moment to post a word of reassurance, but will go to other boards to talk about it bothers me.
OP, I know you didn't mean to offend anyone and there's probably a lot of people that aren't offended at all, I just don't generally care for these posts.

this.

indytara · January 2012

JennyAnne022776:
christyjane17:
I'm so sorry everyone. I really didn't intend to upset anyone or cause an argument. I just thought we could share our feelings because we all have small babies and it's hard to hear this story.
The fact that I am sad is not meant to take anything away from the grief of that family and I offered my condolences.

Again, sorry. Please know I did not mean to be insensitive or selfish.
I know you didn't. I have no idea what is going on with the rest of the tomfoolery in here.

And this!

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