- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
December 2011 Moms
NoodleM
member
How much does your SO help out with the baby?
NoodleM
member
I was wondering how much your SO helps out with the baby, I'm curious as to how you guys share night time responsibilities and what your days look like, etc.
What we do right now is I take night time feedings and changes during the week, but if she's up at 4 am my husband will get up and take over as he gets up around 5 am anyways. He leaves at 6 am and then it's just me and her until he get's home just before 6pm. He then takes over so I can make some dinner, after we eat he'll play with her and have daddy-daughter time. Around 7:30 or so we'll get her changed and fed and start getting her ready for bed. Every other night we'll give her a bath and we help each other with this process.
On weekends though, he takes over the night time feedings. I find he doesn't get up as easily as I do so I often wake him up to let him know she needs something. I usually end up making up a bottle whie he changes her to help out, but he will do the actual feeding. I actually don't mind getting up just to make a bottle, I don't have to but to me it's a break from having to do it all. During the day on the weekend we split things pretty evenly.
What do you guys do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How much does your SO help out with the baby?
When H gets home from work he usually plays with A since she's more of a challenge than C at this point. We'll have dinner then he'll take C so I can play with A for a bit. Once they're both asleep, we alternate who has which girl that night. So last night I had C and was in charge of all feedings and changing throughout the night. H had A, so he was in charge of all her wakeups, which are still 1-6 a night. Tonight we'll switch. Over the weekend, he'll take either one or both of the girls so I can get a break out of the house. If he's around he's more than willing to do any changings or feedings that need to be done on either kid.
When it was just A, we would still alternate nights, so one parent was getting a full night sleep (or at least not getting out of bed since I would always wake up when she was awake). A was never a good sleeper though, so we're used to waking up multiple times a night and alternating who has to get up with her.
I do all nighttime feedings, because I am EBF and haven't started pumping yet. DH will help if I need him, like if LO is really fussy and I am exhausted. He will also rub my back while I nurse if I ask him to. Mostly I handle it solo because DH is working and I am not, and I can't justify waking him up.
During the days when DH is home, he holds im a lot, does a lot of diaper changes, and helps with cleaning. Overall, I feel we have a really good, healthy balance. I am totally satisfied with it.
I do it all until DH gets home at 6pm. He will do a feeding or change her if need be and get our older ones under control. He does a lot of the night time routine with our older kids, bath (every other night), brush teeth, read book and tuck them in. I do the one night feeding we have. I don't mind it actually. DH works very hard so I don't have to work. He's up at 330am and out the door by 430am to get to work.
But when he sees me getting stressed out or overwhelmed, he will tell me to go out by myself, even if I just go to the grocery store or Target. Its nice to go out without any kids. On the weekends he will wake up with DD#1 and DS so I can "sleep in". I'm usually awake but I just lay there in bed, which is just as nice.
He's awesome, I don't know what I'd do without him!
Because of him I can go to bed between 9 and 10pm. he stays up til 12 or 1am anyway, so he takes over baby duties. (He's lucked out though, LO usually sleeps the whole time!)
He also has taken over all household tasks... cooking, cleaning, taking down Christmas stuff... without even being asked.
Not to mention he's been my rock emotionally. I don't think I have ever loved him more. He's surpassed every expectation I ever had for him as a father / husband. I am a lucky girl.
Uh oh. Hugs?
and after 82 days in the NICU, our little girl is home!
DH is a huge help! He gets home from work between 4 and 5 and he immediately takes over-- he misses being able to play with DS while he's at work so the two of them usually play and he will hold Maggie while I finish cooking dinner. He will also usually do her 6pm feeding and he does DS' bedtime (which is usually the two of them showering together, DH getting him his night time bottle, giving him his evening shot, diaper change and put on pjs and read 1 book). He usually is doing this while I pick up the living room and clean the kitchen from dinner.
After DS is down we share taking care of Maggie--at this age she is SO easy, just lays on one of us or sleeps in her swing. She eats again at 9pm and one of us just does it (no real schedule for this), then DH usually goes to bed around 10pm or so while I stay up to do her midnight feeding. So DH gets to sleep from 10pm-3am when he will do her 3am feeding and then sleep some more from 3:30-6:30 when he gets up for work. Since I stay up to do the late night feeding at midnight I get to sleep from midnight until her early morning feed at 6am. In the beginning DH was doing the midnight feeding and I did the 3am and 6am but DH said that he was actually getting woken up and had a harder time getting back to sleep at 3am and said he would rather do that feeding than stay up until midnight every night which is easy for me to do b/c I have insomnia and am a night owl. Our schedule works really well for us and I think we both feel like we are getting a pretty good amount of sleep. Once Maggie starts sleeping from like midnight to 6am I will be in charge of all night wake-ups. Basically once the kids are considered STTN, I am in charge of getting up with them on the occasions that they randomly wake up and need comforting or a bottle or something which is what I do now with DS-- if he wakes up at all after being put down to bed, its on me to deal with him.
When it comes to diaper changes-- whoever realizes the diaper is dirty is the one to change it. Neither of us care to change diapers since it only takes a few minutes :-)
Almost this exactly. It will change up once I go back to work though. He will have to help more during the week nights.
My DH is amazing. While he's working and I'm home on maternity leave I do the bulk of the nighttime feedings, he does about one a night but we'll split them evenly when I go back to work.
He takes care of the two dogs completely right now, walks them every morning and after work and comes home at lunch to take them out as well. He also ASKS what he can do to help when he gets home at night in terms of chores and will do anything I ask without hesitation. I knew he was awesome but he's really stepped up since DS arrived and I'm so grateful for him, I definitely married the right guy!
DH doesn't do very much with our newborn...he will change his diapers and hold him sometimes to let me have a moment to eat or get something done. Mostly he helps with our toddler...playing with him while I do stuff with our new little guy, and that is a big help.
Overnight, I do everything. DH has to wake up very early for his physical trades job so I don't want to wake him up every couple hours! I could see him falling off a ladder or dropping something heavy on himself if he gets too sleep-deprived haha. I can catch a bit of a nap during the day when both the kids sleep (though this is kind of rare haha..)
Hubby and I do everything with LO together. We are both off of work still, he took 5 weeks and me 12 weeks. Hubby and I get up and do the feedings together. We alternate changing LO's diaper and feeding her. While one of us is taking care of her the other is washing/sanitizing bottles and doing small cleaning projects around the house until the feeding is over then back to bed we go!! During the day hubby makes our meals and takes care of the dogs and does the cleaning since I am still recovering from my c section... We both take care of LO during the day, hubby is feeding her right now. It is absolutely wonderful that he is such a hands on daddy! Without him I don't even want to think about ever having to do everything solo!! He is the best hubby I could ever ask for and the best daddy LO could ask for!!
I feel you with this one. I'm actually staring a pile of pine needles DH tracked in when he took the dogs out (don't get excited, he took them out as an addition to his going out for a cigarette...) and hasn't cleaned up. He actually tried to say the DOGS brought it in, even though it was still under his shoes.... (and I vaccuumed yesterday).
Feedings, I can't remember the last time DH fed T. I think he may have changed him once yesterday, but it could have been the day before. I'm basically doing it alone right now. After the baby monitor incident last week, he did tell my neighbor that he sucks and that he should be helping more, but I have yet to see him doing anything about it.
DH has been a huge help, mostly in supporting me. He knows that I am sleep deprived and is always telling me I'm doing a great job and asking what he can do. He works long hours during the day so I do all the nighttime feedings, but on the weekends DH takes over and does the nighttime feedings while I pump. When he gets home from work (usually 5:30) he usually takes over baby duty while I cook dinner, and is always sensitive to my needs especially if I am overly exhausted that night.
Don't get me wrong, we have had our share of arguments and issues since LO arrived, but we are working them out and working out a system that works for us.
DH is absolutely amazing, he does so much more than I ever expected.
I BF so I do all the feedings and usually handle DS alone at night, especially M-F when DH has to get up for work. I don't see a point in him getting up in the middle of the night too since he can't help feed him. On the weekends he will get up if DS won't go back to sleep after a feeding, DH will get up and rock him to sleep and then put him to bed so that I can go right back to sleep.
When DH gets home from work around 4 he immediately grabs DS and plays with him. He also helps with the laundry (which he has never, ever done before), dishes, cooking, and cleaning. I love it.
On the weekends DH will take DS downstairs after his last feeding of the night/morning (usually around 7) so that I can get some sleep without having to worry about waking up with every grunt and moan DS makes.
I do pretty much everything, since I BF and right now am a SAHM.
DH has been good about fixing dinner for us right now until we get into more of a routine with her, at which point I'll take over. He'll usually hang out with her for a bit afterwards so I can have a break.
During the night he'll help with diaper changes and if she's being particularly fussy we'll take turns as to who is up with her. But since he has to get up for work most mornings I usually do the bulk of the work at night too.
Ella born 12/21/11
My husband has been super dad. To the point where I feel guilty! I had a c-section and did well...but had a hard time at night. So since day one he's been taking nighttime feedings and diaper changes.
I'm a SAHM. I have full responsibility of LO from 7am-6pm. DH and I share responsibilities until bedtime. Then DH has been on duty from about 1am-7am. I should be taking care of middle night feedings/diaper changes. But DH doesn't seem to mind and I really love my sleep!
Everything is 50/50 Sunday night through Thursday morning. He is amazing! I am so lucky! My hubby works Thursday through saturday night 13 hour shifts. He's a cop so I make sure to let him sleep uninterrupted during his work week; too dangerous of a job to be sleep deprived!
I am also one of the lucky ones with an amazing DH. He works retail so his schedule varies. During the first few weeks he had off, and he would do all the "heavy lifting" so to speak, we split diaper duty pretty evenly, and when she fussed at night he would bring her to me becuase getting in/out of bed was difficult. Now that he is back to work, we have a bit of a routine.
DH leaves for work at 7:30, so from 6:45am when he starts getting ready for work, until 8:30pm when he gets home, I'm on my own. I usually have supper ready when he gets home so he comes home, changes out of his work clothes, then we sit down to eat. (Monkey is usually content to sit in bouncy seat during this time.) Then after dinner he feeds her a bottle of pumped BM (her only bottle of the day) then change her and put her in her crib. He will help me with cuddling/rocking if she needs it until midnight, then I make him go to bed since he has to work. If she is up and not hungry after 6am he will get up early to snuggle with her until he has to get ready for work.
On his non-work days things are split pretty evenly 50/50 except feedings. He will do diaper changes, snuggle, tummy time, etc. I will work on paperwork/thank yous/etc. And during the night if she doesn't go right back to sleep after a feeding he will rock her until shes asleep or its time to eat again so i can get a little rest. He's amazing, and I don't know what I would do if i didn't have his help!
When I go back to work in 2 weeks, I will set my schedule so that i am working on his days off, I will need to be pumping more so on his nights off he will be in charge all night (like I am now) and then when he has to work i will take the night shift.
I type this as my husband is in the kitchen washing at least 15 dr. Brown bottles and all of the parts that go with them. I won't go into all the details but to make a long story short, I'd be ready to bash my face through a brick wall if it wasn't for him.
P.s. he's even kept her overnight alone! I just love him!
I do everything since H works and I SAH. H will usually take him when he gets home from work and change him and feed him a pumped bottle when he gets home from work, but that's the extent of it. When M got circ'ed, H pretty much did all the diaper changes per my request. The few I did change the first few days after H helped.
I was looking forward to some "me" time tonight but H was so tired from being up late with me he passed out on the couch at around 8. I understand the distribution of responsibilities, but sometimes I can't help but feel a tad resentful.