Professional help

2moms2twins · January 2012

So I am working on my resume and my cover letter anyone want to help or edit it? I feel like its been so long since I have done this I have no idea -

here is it bump keeps changing the formatting so i tried to adjust for that

what do you think for a cover letter i am not crazy about the I AM's but not sure how else to say it with out it being fragmented?

Dear Shelley;

My name is John Doe and I submitted an application via the The XXXXX website for the XXXXXr position advertised. The website did not give me a confirmation of receipt so I am just attaching a PDF copy

Please accept my attached resume in consideration of the XXXX opportunity you advertised. I am seeking an opportunity wherein I could contribute and help cultivate a shared vision.

I am a motivated, personable business professional with multiple college degrees. I have talent for quickly mastering technology and proprietary software. I am diplomatic and tactful with professionals and non-professionals at all levels. Accustomed to handling sensitive, confidential records and maintaining strict patient confidentiality guidelines. {Need help here with flow} Demonstrated history of producing accurate, timely reports meeting stringent guidelines. I have a large knowledge of medical terminology.

I am flexible and versatile ? able to maintain a sense of humor under pressure. Poised and competent with demonstrated ability to easily transcend cultural differences. I thrive in a deadline-driven and stressful environment and I have excellent team-building skills.

If you are looking for a key employee who will "make a difference", kindly review my resume which will provide you with a brief overview of my professional background and qualifications. I would be happy to discuss this opportunity and further detail other considerations and requirements that we both may have. I thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

You can reach me on my cell XXXXXXX ( this seems a lil weird to me i might remove it )

Thank you for your time,

John Doe

so tell me what you think you can also send me a PM here or two moms (number2) twins at gmail dot com

Meegs10.13.06 · January 2012

My edits in bold. Also, make sure you are using key words from the job description. It can also help to add a brief paragraph giving an example of a time you used a specific skill they are looking for.

Tongue-in-cheek Example: My time spent deworming orphans in Somalia shows that I possess that unique combination of charity and strong stomach you are looking for.

Dear Shelley;

My name is John Doe and I submitted an application via the The XXXXX website for the XXXXXr position advertised, on XXX date. Since the website did not give me a confirmation of receipt, you will also find a PDF version attached.

[delete paragraph, redundant]

As my resume will show, I am a motivated, personable business professional with multiple college degrees, who possesses a talent for quickly mastering technology and proprietary software. Diplomatic and tactful with professionals and non-professionals at all levels, I am accustomed to handling sensitive, confidential records and maintaining strict patient confidentiality guidelines. My references can attest to my demonstrated history of producing accurate, timely reports meeting stringent guidelines; as well as my large knowledge of medical terminology.

I have received praise regarding my flexibility and versatility, specifically my ability to maintain a sense of humor under pressure. Poised and competent with demonstrated ability to easily transcend cultural differences, I thrive in a deadline-driven, stressful environment and I have excellent team-building skills.

If you are looking for a key employee who will "make a difference", kindly review my resume which will provide you with a brief overview of my professional background and qualifications. I would be happy to discuss this opportunity and further detail other considerations and requirements that we both may have. I thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

[Remove line about cell, as the number you can be reached at should be on your resume (no need to list as cell... just list one number).]

Thank you for your time,

John Doe

citygirl311 · January 2012

i wouldnt even take the time to read a cover letter than long. plus your doesnt say anything about how you are different. its the same stuff everyone writes.

2brides · January 2012

I would add specifics. (ie. "In my role as XYZ, I was praised for my flexibility and versatility in XYZ (leading a team of whatever, managing a budget of XXX, carrying a caseload of XXX, etc.)

You need to make it personal and how what you have done in the past will contribute to the new employer. It sounds like you copied it directly from "How to Write a Cover Letter" and you could be describing anyone who wants a job. Unfortunately, I can't help with the specifics part since I don't know your work history or what you are applying for.

cookiemonster03 · January 2012

I agree with Meegs edits, but also agree you need less fluff and more specifics about how your prior experience pertains to the job you're applying for.

2moms2twins · January 2012

Thanks everyone for the edits and feedback guess its back to the drawing board.

I am so not good at selling myself- and my experience is all over the place.

Ugg- I hate this part of job seeking.

- J

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