To go for a third? Worried about having a middle child.

MyLucky7s · January 2012

I have 2 amazing daughters and would love more children. The only thing holding me back is feeling like this will be very hard for my younger daughter making her a middle child. I am one of 2 so I have no experience living with a middle. It doesn't help that my husband is one of 3 and his middle sister was/ is very difficult and a picture of a "lost middle." Thus, he is happy with his two girls. This is the only reason holding us back from having another. Please give me positive ( or realistic) stories about having three kids or by being one of three yourself. I would like to have them all 2 years apart.

thanks!

marielovestimothy03 · January 2012

Both DH and I are from families with 3 siblings. He's the youngest and I'm the oldest but both our middle siblings are amazing, smart, well rounded young women. Probably the most level headed ones in both our families ;-) No "Jan" syndrome with either! We're expecting #3 and I have no doubts that DD2 will be a wonderful big sister and little sister! In fact, I can't think of a single middle sibling who has suffered from being in the middle. I think it would be fun!

andrea911 · January 2012

Both DH and I are from four child families, mine a little more spaced out in age than his. We were both "middle" children at one point or another, with me being child #2, daughter #1; and him being child #3, son #3. Our plan is to have no more than 2 children. We like to say that we will see how this one turns out before we decide for sure if we're having another and when.

My opinion on the middle child syndrome is this- it's BS brought on by parents, siblings, other family, etc.

In my situation, my mother remarried after having my brother and I, and naturally my stepfather loved my brother and I, but wanted a child biologically. I was 9 and my brother 12 when my sister was born, so looking back, it was completely understandable that they would have another child, but at the time, my sentiments were "why would you want another kid when you have a perfectly good boy and girl already?". Unfortunately, instead of reassuring my childhood insecurities, my parents (mainly my stepfather) teased me about how I would be the left-out middle child and I would be so jealous of my little sister, etc.

Long story short- If you have another child, don't play into the middle child syndrome. Each child is different and special in their own way, and birth order does not dictate personality, as long as it isn't perpetuated.

Hope that answers your question.

ohioroots · January 2012

I am the youngest of 3 girls and as a result will only be having an even number of children

lolalillie · January 2012

I am worried about DD being the only girl and the middle child. I am the youngest of three and I think whether you are the oldest, middle, or youngest each spot has both positives and negatives. I told DH that I want to raise our kids as a set of three siblings and try our hardest not to focus on who is the oldest, middle, and youngest, or that DD in the only girl, etc. I know that it will be easier said than done but since they are 3 1/2 years apart from top to bottom, I think that works to our benefit

Bride2b2004 · January 2012

I worried about this a little and thought we would stop at 2... but I saw many examples of well adjusted 3 kid families and messed up 1 or 2 kid families and decided not to buy into the middle child stuff, there's just a lot more to it. Ultimately, we decided we wanted another child and we wanted our DC to have more than just one sibling. We are very happy with that decision.

firefly0711 · January 2012

::sorry lurking:: I'm a middle child and definitely exhibit behaviors and tendencies of being one. The behaviors and tendencies I attribute to having been a middle child are that I am co-operative, a good problem solver, and a great mediator. I think being a middle child has created strong personality traits not weak ones. ::butts out::

LDQAM516 · January 2012

I don't get this whole middle child issue. But anyways...if it is an issue...have four kids!

jlthompson19 · January 2012

I 100% believe it's the parents who turn a middle child into the "middle child". DH is a classic middle child, but I blame his mother. It's so obvious he's the least favorite and I've talked about it with his father and grandparents and apparently it's always been that way. He was the one who got blamed for everything, thus making him "rebel" child. He's obviously become a well adjusted adult, but I think he could have done better in life had it not been for the way he was treated.

However, if you're aware of it at the forefront, I think all your kids will be just fine. Just make sure none of them ever know who your favorite is, even if you have one:)

BethPSU · January 2012

I am the third child and my older sister is definitely a well-adjusted person without any middle child insecurities (if that is the fear). We have a close family and all feel equally favored My DH on the other hand comes from a family with only 2 kids (he and his sister). They rarely ever talk and are not close at all except everyone pretends (SIL) that they have the best relationship. I love being around my family because there is always a lot of activity (7 grandkids 8 and under). I feel sort of bad for DH's side of the family. We are always torn on holidays because if we don't stay around to be with his family then his parents are all alone (if SIL and her family don't grace us with their presence).

My philosophy is that each child is a blessing and brings added joy. I loved having 2 siblings. Heck, I would probably have more than 3 kids if I felt like I could physically and mentally handle it. I think there is an additional bond between sisters and between brothers that is lost with sister/brother relationships. I am close with my brother, but way closer to my sister just by the nature of the things we have in common. I always hear people say when they have 1 of each that they "have the perfect family", but I feel a little sad for them for some reason because I feel like even if they get along great as adults it will still be different. If you have a third child, you are guaranteed a sister/sister or brother/brother combo (in your case you already have sister/sister so that is great). The prospects of a full house filled with grandchildren are even greater too.

moonfaerie · January 2012

I am the middle child of three girls. My older sister is 16 months older, and my little sister is 15 months yougner than I ,so we were all born close together. I did feel lost at times, as my older sister was a goodie two shoe and my younger sister was the baby, so I got the brunt of most of the trouble we got into. However a lot of my lost feelings are more due to being in a rather dysfunctional family, not due to being a middle child.

I loved growing up as one of three kids! We always had someone to play with, even if one of us was being grumpy and didn't want to play. We went through things around the same times so we could sort of help each other through things. As adults, we're all besties. I love my sisters and would not change having them for the world. I loved growing up that way so much that I am having 3u3 myself, in hopes that my kids also have that special bond with their siblings that i do with mine.

moonfaerie · January 2012

jlthompson19:

I 100% believe it's the parents who turn a middle child into the "middle child".

However, if you're aware of it at the forefront, I think all your kids will be just fine. Just make sure none of them every know who your favorite it, even if you have one:)

I agree with all of this 100%.

12bailey18 · January 2012

My roommate in college always described herself as "the lost middle." I've always thought about that after knowing her. However, I believe it's how you are raised and made to feel in your family so we're not going to let that worry hold us back. And who knows, we may try for a fourth!

BrittKav · January 2012

My grandma is the middle child in a family of all girls, and she says she hated it. She's a wonderful woman, the best I've ever known, but she had a hard childhood being the "mediator" and always lost in the middle. This is one of the main reasons I want 4 kids instead of 3.

mamainseptember · January 2012

I honestly believe it depends on the specific child, age gap and the gender. I am the middle child having an older brother (5 years older) and a younger brother (4 years younger). I do not have "middle child" syndrome and I always got along with my brother's growing up. They both have been very protective of me growing up. Now on the other hand, DH is the oldest of 3, his next sister in 18 months younger then the next sister is 20 months younger then the 2nd. His middle sister IS THE DEFINITION of middle child syndrome. She is 22 and still tells her parents that she didn't get this or that growing up because she is the middle child. DH and I decided if our next baby is a girl we are done because we couldn't make her a middle child lol

Unknown · January 2012

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