Pityville. Population: Me.

Re: Pityville. Population: Me.

• stever member

  January 2012

  I have no advice other than to follow your heart. If you love your job then stick with it and know LO will be just fine. If you really want to stay home then do that
  

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• Strunella member

  January 2012

  Going back to work for me was difficult for two reasons:  I knew I would miss DS and I don't love my job.  On the first morning when I said goodbye to him (at 13 weeks), I cried.  But I also missed having a structured day, interacting with my co-workers, and the intellectual challenges.  It really did get easier as time went on and you get back into the groove.  And if I loved my job, as you do, I think it would have been even easier! 

  We have a nanny and I think that helped with the transition as I didn't have to change my work routine at all...no packing up DS' things, no pick up/drop offs to figure out.  I don't know if that is an option for you, but it has certainly made my life a lot easier.  I also started working from home 2 days a week when I returned to work, so those days I also feel like I can check in on DS, get some hugs, whatever.

  I would say give yourself some time to get acclimated once you go back to work.  You might find that it's not as bad as you thought and that you enjoy being back. If you find it truly unbearable, then you'll have your answer.  

   

  

   

   

  

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• PinkNoise123 member

  January 2012

  Definitely follow your heart... I was planning on going back to work very part time this month, but this mama's just not ready! I know I can work any time for the rest of my life, but I'll never get this first year back. I will probably go back after she turns a year, though. I'm sure I'll be ready by then!

  
  

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• aglenn member

  January 2012

  You sound like me when I was facing the end of my maternity leave with DD.  I came thisclose to quitting and staying at home, which was the hugest shock ever to me (and DH) because I never, ever, in a million years thought I would have those feelings.  I have graduate degrees, I've worked my butt off to get where I am in my career, and I never had any desire to be a SAHM at all.  Still, I was absolutely freaking out towards the end of my leave and nearly decided to quit. 

  Ultimately, what I did was to change daycare centers and go back on a trial basis.  I wasn't really comfortable with the center we had originally picked.  Once DD was here, it just wasn't what I wanted for her.  I went on a mad search for alternatives and found a fantastic place; that made all the difference in the world, really.  Then I committed to going back to work for a few months.  I set a target date a few months out where I would re-evaluate, but until then I would commit to going and getting back in the swing of things.  As time went on, I was really glad that I didn't give up my job.  DD has absolutely thrived in daycare and has gotten so much out of it that I wouldn't have been able to provide on my own, and I really do like my job and enjoy the benefits it provides to me on a personal level and to my family as well.  From a long-term perspective, I can't see myself being a SAHM forever and I know that if I skipped out of the workforce for several years I'd never get back to where I am in my career.  It just doesn't work that way in my field.  I'm glad I gave myself some time to work through all this because I think I would have really regretted it if I quit.

  All that said, I know exactly how hard it is for you right now.  It is gut wrenching to think about leaving your baby and nothing seems as important as that.  I don't mean to minimize that; I felt like everyone kept telling me, "it'll get better," but that wasn't really what I wanted to hear.  I was talking with someone one day about it and she said, "Listen.  Your feelings are totally valid, and the reasons you are going back to work are totally valid, too.  Trust your instincts and everything is going to be OK."  It made me cry. because it really hit home.

  I also recommend this book.  Parts of it are a clear sales pitch for Bright Horizons, but I got a lot of practical, no-nonsense good advice from it and it made me feel a lot better.  Good luck to you whatever you decide!

  

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• dionnemd10 member

  January 2012

  we had the discussion when we were dating that should we ever have 2 kids i could stay home with them.   the worst day at home for me is still better than the best day at work.   i love staying home with my kids and wouldn't trade this time for anything else in the world.   it can be a very hard decision--economics, job loss, others views, etc etc etc.  

  however, even today i had another mom friend (who will be turning 30 this spring) tell me how she was envious that i had spent time working in my chosen career field and then i had kids so i could now stay home knowing i had used my education etc.   given that view point i felt pretty good  

  i also look at it this way--jobs will always be there (even at the gas station/walmart/mcdonalds) but my kids are only going to be little, want to cuddle, want to spend time with me, go to the parks, watch cartoons and giggle with me for so long!    

  ask on the sahm board for more help or support.   you could always give work a chance for a bit then decide, but trust your gut, talk with your hubby--where does he stand.  ultimately you do what is best for you and for your family! 

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• WBMom member

  January 2012

  Strunella:

  I would say give yourself some time to get acclimated once you go back to work.  You might find that it's not as bad as you thought and that you enjoy being back. If you find it truly unbearable, then you'll have your answer.  

  This is good advice.  The intital transition back to work is very emotional - you will cry but you will be OK.  Give yourself some time to get acclimated - you will know if its not right for you or your family.  For me finding the right daycare eased the worries and now I don't regret my decision to go back at all. Good Luck!

  

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• racampbell1

  January 2012

  aglenn:

  You sound like me when I was facing the end of my maternity leave with DD.  I came thisclose to quitting and staying at home, which was the hugest shock ever to me (and DH) because I never, ever, in a million years thought I would have those feelings.  I have graduate degrees, I've worked my butt off to get where I am in my career, and I never had any desire to be a SAHM at all.  Still, I was absolutely freaking out towards the end of my leave and nearly decided to quit. 

  Ultimately, what I did was to change daycare centers and go back on a trial basis.  I wasn't really comfortable with the center we had originally picked.  Once DD was here, it just wasn't what I wanted for her.  I went on a mad search for alternatives and found a fantastic place; that made all the difference in the world, really.  Then I committed to going back to work for a few months.  I set a target date a few months out where I would re-evaluate, but until then I would commit to going and getting back in the swing of things.  As time went on, I was really glad that I didn't give up my job.  DD has absolutely thrived in daycare and has gotten so much out of it that I wouldn't have been able to provide on my own, and I really do like my job and enjoy the benefits it provides to me on a personal level and to my family as well.  From a long-term perspective, I can't see myself being a SAHM forever and I know that if I skipped out of the workforce for several years I'd never get back to where I am in my career.  It just doesn't work that way in my field.  I'm glad I gave myself some time to work through all this because I think I would have really regretted it if I quit.

  All that said, I know exactly how hard it is for you right now.  It is gut wrenching to think about leaving your baby and nothing seems as important as that.  I don't mean to minimize that; I felt like everyone kept telling me, "it'll get better," but that wasn't really what I wanted to hear.  I was talking with someone one day about it and she said, "Listen.  Your feelings are totally valid, and the reasons you are going back to work are totally valid, too.  Trust your instincts and everything is going to be OK."  It made me cry. because it really hit home.

  I couldn't have said this better.  For me going back was really hard, but I am so glad I did.  Like aglenn, I can't just leave my field and jump back in after a few years off - honestly I don't think ANYONE can in a professional setting, so that is something to consider, if it is important to you. I was saved from the agony of having to make a decision because we simply can't afford for me to SAH, I am the primary moneymaker in our family.  Once I got back into the swing of things, I was happy to be working.  DD is really happy at her school and I am a happier and better mom to her because I have something that is all mine and can feel really proud of the way I take care of our family.  If you do go back, know that you will never be replaced as LO's number one (that was a big fear of mine, and was not realized at all!)   But definitely follow your heart and do what is right for your family - there's no "right" answer here, just the right answer for you.  GL and remember it will all be okay, no matter what you do.  

  

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• Chelz

  January 2012

  I was semi-fortunate that when my maternity leave was over my DH was home from Kuwait and unemployed, so he stayed home with DS.  After 6 months of unemployment, we were desperate for DH to find a job, so he took a job and we moved cross-country for it.  I now SAH, but I do need to find a job soon. (or go back to school).

  I know I've been blessed to have this time with DS at home.  I'm terrified to go back to work about as much as I'm terrified to stay away from a job for too long.  We decided I'd try a part-time job for a transition and see how that goes.  Ultimately, it would be really smart if I went back to school to finish my degree, but I didn't think about that year and the financial aid cutoff was back in November.

  I agree that you should go back to work and see how it works out for you and your family.  If you have a solid plan to SAH and can afford it, then maybe you'll decide to that.

  Good luck!

  Take a chance. Take a risk. Take the initiative. Make your wishes a reality and make your dreams come true!
  
  

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• Haribo1

  January 2012

  I know exactly how you feel since I am struggling with this same exact thing right now.  I returned to work (on call) yesterday, but I spent most of Friday crying and feeling like my heart was breaking.  It killed me to think I would not be the one who got to spend every day with DD, that someone else would know her better than me, or that instead of me being the one who told others what she liked or didn't like, someone else would be telling me.  It is an awful feeling!  At the same time, I have worked so hard and so long to get where I am in my career.  I am exactly where I wanted to be before having a child.  Am I really ready to give it all up?  I think about wanting  to give DD everything she needs/wants in terms of education, opportunity, etc., and I am in a position to do that.  I still do not have the answer, and as pp have said, I plan to give it a few weeks/months and reevaluate later.  I will have to say that when I went in yesterday and today, I did ok.  It was only for about 2-3 hours, but I was happy to have that part of my life back.  I will see how the week goes when I am back for regular work hours.  I have been told to negate the first week because it will probably be awful, but that things would definitely get better.  I know nothing I am saying is really helpful, but know that you are not alone struggling with this decision.  GL!!!

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