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Husband potentially relocating- I am scared to do so.
My husband is currently in the interview process for a job that would cause us to relocate. We currently live in Louisville, KY and the new position would require us to move to Columbus, OH.
I am a SAHM and have a 2 month old. My family and his live within 20 minutes of us. My mother helps greatly and we plan on having another baby sooner than later.
I am freaking out that we would have to move to Columbus. My husband applied to the job on a whim, not really thinking they would consider him, but now it looks like they might offer the job to him. It is a significant salary raise, but for me that is the only perk to the job. I do not want to leave my family and stay at home all day in a city that I have no family or friends. Of course it would be different for my husband because he would be working and therefore socializing.
I would feel guilty asking my husband to turn down the position for my selfish reasons. But I am truly afraid I would be unhappy in Columbus and I do not want my baby to grow up not being around her extended family. Anyone else been through this and/or has any advice as to what I should do? I know it isn't my ultimate decision, but if I told him absolutely not he would listen.
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Re: Husband potentially relocating- I am scared to do so.
We are preparing for a location- (international)
Family really isn't an issue- even though I live really close to them now- we don't see them often- so leaving really doesn't have an impact.
Personally I am looking forward to the experience. Try having an open mind and really try sitting down and having a conversation with your DH. I think it's natural to be unsure when facing a major change- even if it's one that really could turn out being awesome.
Doing anything out of your comfort zone is hard at first-
We moved after I became a SAHM and it is hard to meet new people. But Columbus isn't a small town so there should be plenty of things to do.Lots of Moms groups etc.
As far as family goes, it is great to be near them, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I am across country and it sucks but I know that our next move should be closer. It isn't permanent.
And anytime you move, give yourself at least a year to decide if you are happy or not. Moving always sucks and I've found it takes about a year to settle in completely.
OK, so I just did a mapquest from Louisville to Columbus. Obviously you would have to take into account actual addresses but you are looking at 3.5hr maybe. This is an EASY drive for either your family (as in you guys visiting either family) or for your families visiting you. Seriously you are talking a half day drive. Leave in the morning and you are there for lunch type thing.
In that respect I think you are making WAAAAAAAAAY too big a deal about it. But I am also a military wife who has to relocate whenever the Army tells us we are moving. I'd kill to only be 3.5hr away from family.
Other then that, you are fully capable of making friends. Have the new coworkers and their spouses/families over for dinner so you get to know them. Join mom groups. Join other groups that correspond to hobbies you have. You will only be miserable in a new town if you don't make any efforts. Believe me, I know from first hand experience.
Moving 3.5hr away is not a death sentence and if it put our family into a better financial situation then I'd put my selfishness and fears aside and move. And lets be serious here, I don't think it is selfishness I think it is full on fear of the potential change and unknown. But you could do it. :-)
The relocating would not bother me too much. It would suck in the beginning, but it is still close enough that you could visit.
What part of Columbus are you looking at? I think a lot of it would depend on how much money he would be making. There are only a few areas near Columbus I would want to live and they are $$$.
All of this - except sub in Air Force for Army.
Have you ever moved and made new friends? College? It's not as hard as you'd think and it's actually a lot easier when you have kids. Go to Gymboree or the park or any other child-oriented place and you will have tons of opportunities to make friends. In the military community I generally hear a lot more complaints from ladies who don't have kids because they have no easy way to meet people.
H and I moved 4 years ago for him to take a promotion. We are both very close to our families and had lived in the same town our whole lives. It was definitely scary and I was very unsure about it at first. It has turned out to be a great move for H's career and I have made the best of it. We have moved twice since then for him to take another promotion.
Meeting people and making friends has helped a lot. It is nice to have things to do and people to do them with. In KY we lived in a very small town without much to do but found a great group of friends for myself and my kids at library story time. We are in a much bigger city now with more to. I joined the MOMS club here and have met people through DS's preschool and story time. We get out a lot for playdates and other things which helps.
It is hard some days especially now that we are a 12 hour drive from our family but H is very happy with his job, the kids have adjusted and are doing great, and I really feel like it was the best move for our family. It was easier when we were in KY and only a 4 hour drive from our families. A 4-hour drive is not bad and we could go for a weekend. H was/is okay with the kids and I going to visit without him so the kids and I would go spend a week with my parents every 6-8 weeks. I am guessing Columbus is not more than 3 or 4 hours from Louisville so it would be easy to visit for a few days.
I am going to be honest, the first move was HARD. I had a toddler and was 6 months pg. Although I supported DH and I agreed to moved, I was not happy and that was my fault. It was hard at first but I also was not trying to adjust or meet people. I didn't go out very often and overall had a bad attitude. When we moved for the second time I decided I was going to make the most of it and be happy. I was much happier and we were all happier overall. So my advice is if you decide to move with H, have an open mind and a positive attitude. Make an effort to meet people and get out and about with your LO.
It is important that you and H are both on the same page though. You need to sit down and discuss your concerns with your H.
Sorry this is so long but I hope it helps. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask. I have been where you are and now how it feels.
We moved from PA to MA this summer. We went from being 2 hours from MIL to 7. My family lives across the country anyway. The bonus was that it's easier for them to fly in to see us now.
I actually have more adult interaction now that we're here. I joined a couple of moms groups, as well as the Y, and regularly take DD out to see/do stuff that wasn't available to us in our old town.
As a military brat, I was never physically close to extended family, and it was never an issue. In my world at least, it's not a dealbreaker.
Hate to say it, but IMO you should have discussed this as an issue before your DH applied for the job. In my experience, you don't apply for a job unless you have a good idea you're interested in actually taking it.
We just went through this exercise this weekend, after DH was offered a position with his current company 2,200 miles away. We had to decide over the weekend, since they wanted him to start right away. While the schools in the new location where a major plus in favor, we ultimately decided not to move. Here, we can drive 6 hours and see family. My friends are here. There, everything required an airline trip. I was not worried about the making friends part really, but the economics and the future potential for DH in the company (same company he works for now, but is headquartered here). The job out there would have been the only job at that company for him, with no further growth potential, which would mean we would likely have to move back in 5 or 6 years when DD is in middle school, which would not be great IMO.
I would move 3.5 hours from family. I would make new friends, if the position is a good one and the opportunities for promotion and success were there long term. I would not move for a job that doesn't have a lot of upside/ long term opportunity, or is possible to get in my current town.
I am glad DH decided not to move. I left the decision up to him, after telling him the pluses and minuses, as I saw them. I am a grow where I am planted sort of person, and he needs to manage his career for all of our benefit.
I live in Louisville too! Personally, I think C-bus is a way more interesting city than The Ville. It's really only four hours away, even in bad traffic. You could visit pretty frequently. And, if you moved away, you wouldn't have to listen to everyone biitch about the bridge for another five years. lol
Truthfully, I am from around Bowling Green and I never even considered that I would one day live in Louisville. Louisville was for airport trips only. We moved here when we got married for my husband's business. At first, I didn't leave the house without my H, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back home. Now, six years later, it's hard for me to imagine living anywhere else. Being away from my family stinks sometimes, even though they're just two hours away, but sometimes, it's so nice not to be involved in the family drama, and my family gets along pretty well.
Also, I have some friends in C-bus if you need some "break the ice" contacts, I will send them your number/email.
We live 4 hours from my family and still see them very often. They still live where I grew up and we settled in a different state when we got married. It was an adjustment but it helped that a couple of college friends live in this area. Also, I joined some playgroups and my college allumni chapter to meet people. It has been fine and really the distance has helped me.
Before telling your DH to turn it down, sit and talk this through with him. Because we have settled here and made lots of friends, it would be hard to move away, but if it meant a significant increase in DH's salary and a bump to his career, I'd take it on as an adventure. Since I am SAH right now, we have the ability to relocate for his career (that is helping the entire family) without me having to also find a different job.
My DH and I are facing something similar this summer, except it will be similar to a military deployment- we get a list of places that will pick up DH, and we have to prioritize from that. I'm not cherishing the idea of moving- right now my parents are 15 minutes away from us and are an incredible support, but it is what we need to do to get DH's career established. Once he has 3-5 years of experience, we can move back. Nothing is forever, and a 3.5 hour drive is hardly a insurmountable distance. We're that far from my IL's now, and we see them at least once a month.
On the one hand the relocation doesn't seem that far.
On the other, it seems like this should be a semi-mutual decision, right? I mean, yes, he brings in the money, but this is definitely a family/household change, not just going to work for another company across town. Are you afraid to even bring up your concerns to him? That seems a little silly, he is your husband and you are a family.
Talk to him and share your feelings and discuss all the pros/cons. You will probably feel better.
I hear Columbus is awesome! I wish my partner had the opportunity to relocate.
If you really don't like it, you can always move back. Your baby is young and it's a great time to start out in a new city. I say go for it!
DO NOT DO IT !!
If there is any way to avoid it (and still keep your marriage). I had to do that (move away from all family) and it has been hell on our marriage. Staying at home is hard enough, and in a new place you will be super isolated. Yes, someday the kids will be in school, but in the meantime it will be very, very hard.
It was a last-ditch effort for me and I find myself resenting my hubby often. ps... run a Cost-of-Living calculator to see if that raise is really a raise after all.
We went through the same thing -- husband applied for a dream job, thinking he didn't really have a chance, and then it came through. We had six weeks to decide and move here (Chicago to New Jersey).
It's a little different for me because this puts me closer to family in NYC (although not my parents or his). I had been wanting to get back to the East Coast after living away for 20 years. At the same time, I'm not going to lie, it has been a big adjustment. I have made friends, but not the kind of super-close friends I had in Chicago. Almost 3 years since moving, I still miss them and everything about my old neighborhood.
But Louisville to Columbus isn't that far, is it? You could still visit family pretty regularly. I say take the plunge. You will learn a ton of new things about yourself by being in a new situation. And you can always move back (DH and I are considering it), especially with your DH's great job experience under his belt.
That's not anywhere near the same thing as having a team of people available to help you. Sorry - I have no one to ever watch my child and it would be WAAAY easier if I did.
OP - is this an important opportunity for your husband, or is it just about the money? Are you struggling financially now? If it's just about money and having more things I would be hesitant as well.