Would you drop your five year old off at a birthday party?

EXL311 · January 2012

DD turned 5 in August and is in Kindergarten. She was invited to a classmate's birthday party which is being held at his house. The invitation specifically says it's a drop off party. We've never met the parents and DD is pretty shy around people she doesn't know. I just don't really feel comfortable dropping her off. I do feel bad that she'll miss out on it. In this situation would you drop your kid off at the party or have them skip it?

L D · January 2012

I would not drop my kid off. Is there a phone number to RSVP to? I would call and explain how dd has never been a drop off and you would be more comfortable staying. If mom/dad has an issue with you staying I would then say you are not able to make the party. That or I would walk her in and then go sit in my car. I think 5 is too young for a drop off party if the parents have not met before.

camrude · January 2012

Are you friends with any other parents will have kids at the party? If so, I would ask if they know the parents. If not, I would maybe give the mom/dad a heads up that DD is shy and see if it's OK for you hang around for a little bit just to make sure she's OK. I can't imagine that they would have a problem...I mean she's 5. Also, as a parent, I would not mind having someone hang out if they did not know me. If they do, then I would think that is strange.

LeoChic · January 2012

Yes, DD (also 5 and in Kindergarten) has already been dropped off at 3 different birthday parties. To be fair though, I live in a small, very safe community where everyone knows each other. I don't always know the kids/parents hosting the party but 9 times out of 10 I know one of the other parents who are also dropping off. I'm also more OK with dropping off when the party is being held at a party place versus someone's house.

happy_momma · January 2012

I would ask her how she feels about it. If she's comfortable, I'd probably do it. If she didn't want to, then I wouldn't. Around here, drop-off parties become the normal way of doing things starting in kindergarten. (But for DS's I did tell parents to do what was comfortable for them. A couple dropped off and left immediately, and another few stayed for a little while to make sure their kids were comfortable and then left. I don't recall anyone staying the whole time, although I'd have been fine with it if they did.)

EXL311 · January 2012

I have met a couple parents at other birthday parties but I don't have their contact information nor do I keep in touch with them. DD says she wants to go but I really don't think she completely understands that I would be dropping her off and not staying with her. It takes her a long time to warm up to people. I do have a phone number and e-mail address so I can RSVP. I probably will just let them know that DD isn't at the age where she can be dropped off without me there. Where I grew up I feel like my parents at least knew of the other parents if not personally. Living here it's a lot different.

Angela814 · January 2012

I have. Drop off parties started for us last year when DD1 was in 4K. The first party was a bowling party, and we stayed for about 15 minutes until she was ready for us to leave. For all the parties after that, she was happy to have us drop her off. DD1 is pretty shy too, but somehow she does okay in those situation.

EXL311 · January 2012

Angela814:
I have. Drop off parties started for us last year when DD1 was in 4K. The first party was a bowling party, and we stayed for about 15 minutes until she was ready for us to leave. For all the parties after that, she was happy to have us drop her off. DD1 is pretty shy too, but somehow she does okay in those situation.

I don't know if this seems strange but I would feel more comfortable with something like that, though still not entirely okay. My mind goes to the worst case scenarios with someone's house like if they have attack dogs, keep guns in the house or live with an uncle who is a child molestor. I'm sure I'm sounding extra paranoid now.

rebs · January 2012

I found that 5 was that akward age where parents didn't know if they were supposed to stay or go. The parents may just being trying to make it clear that you can drop your kid off and don't have to stay. Or maybe they don't want tons of people in their house.

I would call and tell her your DD is shy, and you would like to stay for a while until she felt comfortable. B/c she is with school friends she may surprise you with how well she does.

emiliemadison · January 2012

I have and do drop DD (6) off at b-day parties. But if your DD doesnt want to go without you or wouldnt be comfortable, you may want to find out if 1) she would rather not go or) if you could hang around for a bit and not just drop and run.

I think drop off birthday parties are a good opportunity for children to have a bit of independence away from home and school but with people they know (presumably the other kids are from school and assuming you reasonably trust the parents).

lollitots · January 2012

Kindergarten was where drop off parties started. However, I didn't do drop off until first grade.

JOEBunny · January 2012

We don't really let DD go to birthday parties where they invite the whole class, and we don't know the parents. It just takes up too much time, and is usually on the weekend. That said, DD has been going to drop off birthdays of kids she knows since she was 4. I actually dropped my son off at a birthday party today, and took DD to ballet, but I arranged for a father who was there to keep an eye on him, and came back within an hour, and I know the family well. He is 2.

EXL311 · January 2012

I think in a way we're also really protective about stuff like this because we still go with DS to birthday parties and he'll be 7 in March. He has a peanut allergy and we just don't trust parents we don't know to not give him peanut products or know how to deal with a reaction. I think it's because of that I didn't even think of the possibility of drop off parties.

Jodi&Joe · January 2012

Nope.

I have a hard enough time with the thought of my kid going in to my neighbor's house. And I know them. Kind of. I have to build a certain comfort level with you before my kid gets to be under your care. That goes for birthday parties too.

shopgirl78 · January 2012

We had our first drop off party at 6 in 1st grade but I sort knew the mom. We have formally introduced once (at DD's party) and it was at a bounce house we are familiar with. I'd have a harder time at someone's house I didn't know.

Add, DD went to her BFF's brothers bday party when she was 5 (neighborhood friend) and it was a backyard splash/swim party (small pools).

And she went to the BFF's slumberparty (6) : ) I don't even feel like I know the BFF's mom THAT well. We both work but we have hung out/chatted a few times plus have some mutual friends.

shiloh17 · January 2012

No way. My boys have food allergies and although they know what they can and can't eat, it makes me nervous. I would never want to put the responsibility of having another parent have to administer an epi pen. Maybe some day if they outgrow allergies, we could drop off. Its not any time soon.

katie277s · January 2012

I have once. It was a party at an inflatable place. I took him in, he instantly took off to go play. I told him I was leaving and that I'd be back soon, and he said "See ya.". I went grocery shopping. :-).

wellfleet04 · January 2012

I've been dropping DD off at birthday parties since last year, so when the kids were all 3 turning 4. She LOVES drop off parties. It gives her a sense of independence. She is generally kind of a shy kid, but she has zero problem with drop off parties. We've done drop off at bouncy places, kids gyms, home parties, etc. She knows the other kids (usually her preschool classmates) and I know the parents at least a little bit and trust that no one is out to harm my kid. I'm surprised how many people wouldn't drop off a 5 or 6 year old! No one around here seems to be too worried about it--drop off is the norm for 4+ parties (unless you're friends with the parents and WANT to stay to chat).

Jodi&Joe · January 2012

wellfleet - it's like dropping them off with a complete stranger, IMO.

I don't know these people. I don't know their kids. (assuming we are talking about school parties here). I mean, if it were my FRIENDS that I was dropping them off with, sure. No sweat. But for some random kids birthday party -- I might as well pull up to CEC and just drop my kid off with the first parent I see when I walk in. Just because they go to the same school does not mean they are going to be a good caretaker of my child for that hour or two.

kyoto · January 2012

My daughter is 7 and has not attended a drop off party yet. I've always hung around at her parties, but I know the parents. At her 6th birthday party, I was shocked that 3 parents dropped off their children. They did not know me at all.

If she gets invited to a drop off party, I'd still hang out at least a little while if I didn't know the parents. Maybe call the RSVP number and see if that's OK?

wellfleet04 · January 2012

Jodi&Joe:
wellfleet - it's like dropping them off with a complete stranger, IMO.

I don't know these people. I don't know their kids. (assuming we are talking about school parties here). I mean, if it were my FRIENDS that I was dropping them off with, sure. No sweat. But for some random kids birthday party -- I might as well pull up to CEC and just drop my kid off with the first parent I see when I walk in. Just because they go to the same school does not mean they are going to be a good caretaker of my child for that hour or two.

I get that. I have always at least met the parents or someone who's opinion I trust (another parent) knows them and is comfortable dropping off. IDK, I mean, my mind just does not go to the worst case place of attack dogs, guns, and molesters. I tend to just reasonably trust that someone hosting a birthday party for a bunch of kids will keep my kid safe and happy.

Maybe it will change when DD gets to primary school and there are families I and people I know just don't know at all. Right now she's in preschool, and like I said, I know or at least know of all of the parents.

Zenya · January 2012

it's a transition time for us too. drop off seem to be starting. i'm fine with it although we do try to hang out a little at the start.

i'm surprised people aren't dropping their kids at ages 7.. 8? that's weird to me.

Jodi&Joe · January 2012

Z - Joey is 7. I just, for the first time, let him ride his scooter out front without me the other day (and I watched from the living room window the whole time! LOL). I would not drop him off at a party with someone I don't know. I don't even know if I would do that when he's 10, for example.

It's funny - you know I'm WAY laid back on some things. And on others, like them being out of my sight, I'm insanely mama bear about. Strange!

It's not necessarily a good thing either. I know it helps build their confidence and sense of responsibility to do these things on their own. I just need to loosen the rope some, so to speak.

wellfleet04 · January 2012

Zenya:
it's a transition time for us too. drop off seem to be starting. i'm fine with it although we do try to hang out a little at the start.
i'm surprised people aren't dropping their kids at ages 7.. 8? that's weird to me.

Me too, but I guess I don't see the difference between 5 and 7/8, either. If your KID is comfortable with it (mine is) what difference do those extra two years make? I mean, if what you're worried about is molesters, guns and attack dogs, wouldn't those still be factors for an 8 year old?

wellfleet04 · January 2012

Jodi&Joe:
Z - Joey is 7. I just, for the first time, let him ride his scooter out front without me the other day (and I watched from the living room window the whole time! LOL). I would not drop him off at a party with someone I don't know. I don't even know if I would do that when he's 10, for example.

It's funny - you know I'm WAY laid back on some things. And on others, like them being out of my sight, I'm insanely mama bear about. Strange!

It's not necessarily a good thing either. I know it helps build their confidence and sense of responsibility to do these things on their own. I just need to loosen the rope some, so to speak.

I do think this is kind of funny, Jodi. I wouldn't say I'm laid back about anything, really, and drop off parties just aren't on my radar as something to worry about. I just assume it will go fine. But I'd NEVER let my kids ride quads, like I know yours do. But I will let them (age 2.5 and 4.5) play outside while I'm inside (can see them, but not always watching). Everyone has their strange things that get their parenting hackles up

BubblyToes · January 2012

If I know the parents, then I would have no issue whatsoever. But not knowing the parents, then nope. Wouldn't do it.

idoinjuly · January 2012

Jodi&Joe:
Z - Joey is 7. I just, for the first time, let him ride his scooter out front without me the other day (and I watched from the living room window the whole time! LOL). I would not drop him off at a party with someone I don't know. I don't even know if I would do that when he's 10, for example.

It's funny - you know I'm WAY laid back on some things. And on others, like them being out of my sight, I'm insanely mama bear about. Strange!

It's not necessarily a good thing either. I know it helps build their confidence and sense of responsibility to do these things on their own. I just need to loosen the rope some, so to speak.

idoinjuly · January 2012

Jodi&Joe:
Z - Joey is 7. I just, for the first time, let him ride his scooter out front without me the other day (and I watched from the living room window the whole time! LOL). I would not drop him off at a party with someone I don't know. I don't even know if I would do that when he's 10, for example.

It's funny - you know I'm WAY laid back on some things. And on others, like them being out of my sight, I'm insanely mama bear about. Strange!

It's not necessarily a good thing either. I know it helps build their confidence and sense of responsibility to do these things on their own. I just need to loosen the rope some, so to speak.

Jodi&Joe · January 2012

They play outside all the time by themselves. And have since they were about 2yrs old (well, Cam was that young. Joey was older but he was the first!)

Just not out front. We do live on a main road, so that ties in to it. But my backyard is like an extension of my home (fenced completely, etc). The front yard? Big bad mean world and they are out there all by themselves! (And honestly, I don't have a clue what my fear even is?!?! The white van pulling up and stealing my kids? Sure. It crosses my mind. But I know it's not likely. And I can dismiss it. So what AM I afraid of?!)

thumper57 · January 2012

my kids are not five yet but I think its too young to be dropped off, especially if I did not know the parents.

I might think about it if if was a friend of mine and I knew their background more. Otherwise I would not want to rely on a complete stranger to watch my child.

jlw2505 · January 2012

I would call or email and ask the parents if you could stay at least for part of it given that your child is young/shy? My DD is in PreK and I know about half the parents did drop off last year for the 5 year old parties but I never did and still don't plan to with DD this year (will be 6 in June and is in PreK again).,

cristiana · January 2012

smeame14:
Zenya:

it's a transition time for us too. drop off seem to be starting. i'm fine with it although we do try to hang out a little at the start.

i'm surprised people aren't dropping their kids at ages 7.. 8? that's weird to me.

I agree.

DD (7) hasn't been to a drop-off party yet, and we haven't held drop-off specific parties yet either. It just hasn't come up. I don't really want to be responsible for a bunch of extra little kids beyond my own anyway.

FormerlyKrista555 · January 2012

It's kind of weird that they would specifically say that it's a drop off only party. If I were throwing a 5-year-old birthday party and I didn't know the guests' parents very well, I would absolutely expect them to stay.

Not only that, but I wouldn't want to be watching a bunch of 5 year olds by myself. I'd prefer for the parents to stay so they can reign in their own kid.

The whole thing is weird.

Anyway, I agree with PP who said you should just call the parents.

Want a personalized experience?

Would you drop your five year old off at a birthday party?

Re: Would you drop your five year old off at a birthday party?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards