How often are they tested for STDs?

themains2009 · December 2011

Ok, so long story short, I had my first appointment on Monday and just got a call that I am positive for gonorrhea. I have only ever been with my husband, and he's only been with me for the past 6 years. They said it doesn't lay dormant and then pop up. It's one that you can not have symptoms or know it, but it would have shown up on a test throughout the years if he's had it that long. He's been faithful to me, I have no question of that. And I just had a baby a year ago, and was tested at the begining of that pregnancy and had nothing. So the nurse is thinking it might be a false positive.

I am wondering though, if anyone knows how often they are tested for STDs? He is a marine reserve if that helps at all. He said quite often, in fact he says just 2 months ago they did blood tests. But I don't know if it would show up on a blood test unless they were looking for that specifically?

I don't know... I am just so lost at the moment. I don't even know what to think.

Lissa832 · December 2011

It could be an error. It wouldn't be the first time. If it's not, then one of you is lying about being with another. If it's not you, then there is only one other option. I don't want to be harsh, but if it is accurate, don't be blind to it. Get tested again and go from there. Good luck. I'm sure this is a very confusing and difficult thing to go through.

GreenFlamingo7 · December 2011

My husband is an Army PCM. I asked him "how often are males tested for gonorrhea?". His reply was "as requested". As far as the Army and males go, there are no routine tests for STDs. Females are tested during their annual pap appointment.

In other words...unless your H went in and requested the testing, it hasn't been done.

iluvmytxrgr · December 2011

GreenFlamingo7:

My husband is an Army PCM. I asked him "how often are males tested for gonorrhea?". His reply was "as requested". As far as the Army and males go, there are no routine tests for STDs. Females are tested during their annual pap appointment.

In other words...unless your H went in and requested the testing, it hasn't been done.

I was going to post similar information, so I'll just say DITTO.

If I were you, I would go get re-tested. There is a possibility that it was a false positive. If it still comes back positive again, you need to sit down with your H and have a long talk.

Joie80 · December 2011

I really hope it's just a mistake. I'm wishing you the best

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. That would be awful.

ETA: I would edit your bio and remove your name and your husband's. Just for PERSEC reasons.

iluvmytxrgr · December 2011

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. That would be awful.

ETA: I would edit your bio and remove your name and your husband's. Just for PERSEC reasons.

Yes

MaxandRuby · December 2011

Get tested again to rule out a possible false positive. If it comes out positive again, then I'd be sitting down with my H and telling him that he WILL get tested. Anyone can say they have been faithful. Words are words. Even though there is a chance it was a false positive, there is also the chance that he has not been faithful. Hoping he has been and that a 2nd test will clear it up.

karelaorange · December 2011

Has your husband been deployed recently? As a former military female, I saw many men do things that were out of character for themselves. I'm not saying this is your husband, but for your own protection please don't rule it out. And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

NSL · December 2011

karelaorange:
Has your husband been deployed recently? As a former military female, I saw many men do things that were out of character for themselves. I'm not saying this is your husband, but for your own protection please don't rule it out. And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

So cheating during a deployment is a-okay if he chalks it up to stress and loneliness? OP, please don't listen to this nonsense.

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

karelaorange:
And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

Um, what? Yes combat and distance is stressful, but that doesn't justify cheating. This advice makes me sad. Deployments are not a free pass to be cruel and break vows.

LemonLover33 · December 2011

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
karelaorange:
And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.
Um, what? Yes combat and distance is stressful, but that doesn't justify cheating. This advice makes me sad. Deployments are not a free pass to be cruel and break vows.

...and pass an STD onto your pregnant wife...

Excited Mrs P · December 2011

While I agree with all of you about deployments not being a justification for being unfaithful - she was simply trying to give another perspective in the event it was not an error.

My husband is active duty marine corps - so I'm not sure if it is the same as the reserves - but he is tested routinely at least once a year for EVERYTHING, and after every deployment (MEU included), they have a full panel done including testing for STDs and HIV.

I would have the test done again, and I wish you the best of luck (because personally, if this ever happened to me, either the testing company would be owing me a big time apology and my husband would be begging for me to take the test again, or my husband could go find a new wife). As a wife, you know your own husband's behavior. Take a good look at how he's reacting to your results and you should know the answer!

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

Excited Mrs P:
While I agree with all of you about deployments not being a justification for being unfaithful - she was simply trying to give another perspective in the event it was not an error.

A perspective justifying infidelity is a bad perspective, and she has no idea if it'll predict future behavior or not, so to toss that in is just ridiculous. Only the OP can decide if she wants to stay with her husband if the test results are a true positive. No one needs to justify absolutely awful behavior by her husband, if in fact he cheated.

iluvmytxrgr · December 2011

karelaorange:
Has your husband been deployed recently? As a former military female, I saw many men do things that were out of character for themselves. I'm not saying this is your husband, but for your own protection please don't rule it out. And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

As a former military female, this is the most ridiculous crap I've read in quite some time. None of that is a justification for douchebaggery, it's an excuse to make themselves feel better for being a**holes. Those are the same people who have the motto, "What happens on TDY stays on TDY."

Gismo123 · December 2011

karelaorange:
Has your husband been deployed recently? As a former military female, I saw many men do things that were out of character for themselves. I'm not saying this is your husband, but for your own protection please don't rule it out. And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

I'm completely shocked that you would say this!! So does that mean that the Marine that raped and almost murdered a fellow Navy personal in Thailand gets a free pass because he was under stress from being in combat? Oh and he was married with kids!(yes that really happened back in 2002 to someone I know, it was all over fox news) Ya....stress is not an excuse for cheating AT ALL. I went on 3 west packs....2 during war times and NEVER once cheated or even thought about it.

*Krista* · December 2011

karelaorange:
And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

My husband and I have several deployments between us. We saw a lot of cheating, so yeah, it happens. But chalking it up to stress and distance is bull_shit. Distance, yes, because they thought they wouldn't get caught. But the primary reason is a basic lack of morals, integrity, and trustworthiness. Don't make excuses for inexcusable behavior.

karelaorange · December 2011

Wow! To answer a few things....

a) Rape is 100% different than infidelity. The comparison is offensive to anyone that has ever been raped or sexually assaulted.

b) I'm not trying to justify anyone's behaviour. I don't know anything about her husband or her, or any of you. I'm simply saying people are more prone to make bad decisions when under the stress of deployment. That is all. And that people that might not otherwise cheat would be prone to cheating in an environment such as that. The decision of whether or not that is forgiveable is up to the two of them, not me.

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

tdc2012 · December 2011

karelaorange:

Wow! To answer a few things....

a) Rape is 100% different than infidelity. The comparison is offensive to anyone that has ever been raped or sexually assaulted.

b) I'm not trying to justify anyone's behaviour. I don't know anything about her husband or her, or any of you. I'm simply saying people are more prone to make bad decisions when under the stress of deployment. That is all. And that people that might not otherwise cheat would be prone to cheating in an environment such as that. The decision of whether or not that is forgiveable is up to the two of them, not me.

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

this is very true. i am AD and it doesnt sound like she is justifying cheating at all, just giving another perspective. I've been deployed and i have seen it. is it horrible? of course! does it happen often? you bet!

and H is air force, he gets tested yearly for HIV but STD's are done by request. females normally get a full pannel (HIV and STD) at there yearly PAP.

MrsOjoButtons · December 2011

tdc2012:

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening.

WHAT?!

karelaorange:
females normally get a full pannel (HIV and STD) at there yearly PAP.

The military is transitioning to the ACOG guidelines and doing PAPs every three years.

*Krista* · December 2011

karelaorange:
c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

seriously?? you thought wrong.

Sookie Stackhouse · December 2011

karelaorange:

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

I have no nervousness of this happening to me. I'm 100% certain that it is absolutely possible to get through a deployment without cheating, especially since we've now done two deployments and I'm pretty positive he hasn't cheated. If you are nervous about it happening, I'm sorry that you're lacking some trust in your marriage and hope that everything works out with rainbows and puppies.

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

karelaorange:
And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

I see you're getting a PhD, and not a JD, but that IS you justifying alleged infidelity by OP's H.

And no, I'm not worried about H cheating while he's deployed. He's got an awful mustache right now, no girl would go near it.

Gismo123 · December 2011

karelaorange:
Wow! To answer a few things....

a) Rape is 100% different than infidelity. The comparison is offensive to anyone that has ever been raped or sexually assaulted.

b) I'm not trying to justify anyone's behaviour. I don't know anything about her husband or her, or any of you. I'm simply saying people are more prone to make bad decisions when under the stress of deployment. That is all. And that people that might not otherwise cheat would be prone to cheating in an environment such as that. The decision of whether or not that is forgiveable is up to the two of them, not me.

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

People who cheat on their spouses while on deployment do it because they think they won't get caught. I saw mannnnnnyyyyy guys do it on my 3 deployments and I always shook my head in disgust.

It's WRONG to cheat under ANY circumstance period. And that's not me being defensive it's me having something that you clearly lack, MORALES.

rt4life · December 2011

iluvmytxrgr:

karelaorange:
Has your husband been deployed recently? As a former military female, I saw many men do things that were out of character for themselves. I'm not saying this is your husband, but for your own protection please don't rule it out. And if at some point you find out it was your husband, just remember that close quarters, stress of combat and distance from loved ones can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise do. It's not necessarily a predictor of the future.

As a former military female, this is the most ridiculous crap I've read in quite some time. None of that is a justification for douchebaggery, it's an excuse to make themselves feel better for being a**holes. Those are the same people who have the motto, "What happens on TDY stays on TDY."

Yeah some guys are total asses. like the one who asked me if I was TDY. I'm like well I'm deployed so yeah. and hes said so seriously, "no, temporarily divorced for the year" UGH it pissed me off so bad!

I dont know how you tested positive..wouldnt they call you in to get tested again just to be safe? Idk. hopefully it was a false positive...

But before I even went into the Army I had to get a full physical and I would think that if he had it when he enlisted he would have known...

so this is a tricky situation. I'm wishing you the best

Nineoceans · December 2011

I would say it is incredibly unlikely to have a false positive. I would also say my Dh (marines) said he got a hep c and HIV test once a year never was tested for gonorrhea. Please protect yourself.

WeWearCombatBoots · December 2011

karelaorange:
Wow! To answer a few things....

a) Rape is 100% different than infidelity. The comparison is offensive to anyone that has ever been raped or sexually assaulted.

b) I'm not trying to justify anyone's behaviour. I don't know anything about her husband or her, or any of you. I'm simply saying people are more prone to make bad decisions when under the stress of deployment. That is all. And that people that might not otherwise cheat would be prone to cheating in an environment such as that. The decision of whether or not that is forgiveable is up to the two of them, not me.

c) I think everyone's defensiveness is because they, themselves, are nervous of such things happening. Being outraged that it happens doesn't make it any less likely to happen.

Totally agree with ALL of this. She was not saying that it was ok that he cheated for these reasons( and yes I am saying that he cheated, there is no doubt). She is explaining that you may think he would never EVER cheat, but that a deployed environment would make him do something that is normally outside his normal scope of behavior. Being AD myself, I know when you are taken out of your normal environment, away from everything and everyone you love, yes you change and you act differently. Has being away from my husband ever made me cheat, no. But it has made me different and definitely do things I wouldn't normally do. And I agree most wives are paranoid when it comes to cheating, but then when the signs actually point to it, like something as obvious as contracting an STD, they are in complete denial.

MrsOjoButtons · December 2011

So despite women in this thread saying they're not nervous that their husband will cheat, you're insisting they are?

LeonaW12 · December 2011

iluvmytxrgr:
GreenFlamingo7:

My husband is an Army PCM. I asked him "how often are males tested for gonorrhea?". His reply was "as requested". As far as the Army and males go, there are no routine tests for STDs. Females are tested during their annual pap appointment.

In other words...unless your H went in and requested the testing, it hasn't been done.

I was going to post similar information, so I'll just say DITTO.

If I were you, I would go get re-tested. There is a possibility that it was a false positive. If it still comes back positive again, you need to sit down with your H and have a long talk.

Just adding to this: It's the same in the Air Force. Male STD testing only when requested by male service member.

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

See, you both keep saying you're not justifying cheating, but you ARE. Giving reasons for why it might understandably happen, saying it's outside their normal behavior, etc. is justifying it, since the dictionary entry for justify is to prove to be right, just, or REASONABLE. You're both saying there's a reasonable explanation for this. Deployment is so stressful, blah, blah, blah.

I am not even the smallest bit afraid my H will cheat. He knows deployment is not an excuse for even rude behavior towards me, let alone cheating. And his job is plenty stressful, so that excuse doesn't fly either. If someone cheats while on deployment, they would cheat at home, they just have more opportunity to do it deployed. It's not outside the realm of who they are as people.

rachie1019 · December 2011

Hi ladies! I jumped over here because I saw that the OP'er posted on this thread too. She posted the same topic on 1st tri a week or so ago. I gave my honest advice! I seem to agree with a lot of the women on this board. I feel like her husband definitely may be cheating. I posted that on 1st tri, and one of the girls called me "Doomy McGloomerson." Umm ok?? Just being honest! OP never did respond to her own post. So I wanted to see if she responded here, and she didn't. It makes me even more suspicious that something is wrong. I'll feel terrible if her husband is cheating. Don't you all think it's odd that she hasn't posted anything on here in a week? (I looked at her profile.) Haha not to be a creeper! I just wanted to see if she followed-up or not.

The ladies on 1st tri were ALL convinced that the test was either a false positive, OR that she caught the STD from a public toilet. WTH?? I'm glad to see you ladies are more realistic over here...

LeahCK · January 2012

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
See, you both keep saying you're not justifying cheating, but you ARE. Giving reasons for why it might understandably happen, saying it's outside their normal behavior, etc. is justifying it, since the dictionary entry for justify is to prove to be right, just, or REASONABLE. You're both saying there's a reasonable explanation for this. Deployment is so stressful, blah, blah, blah.
I am not even the smallest bit afraid my H will cheat. He knows deployment is not an excuse for even rude behavior towards me, let alone cheating. And his job is plenty stressful, so that excuse doesn't fly either. If someone cheats while on deployment, they would cheat at home, they just have more opportunity to do it deployed. It's not outside the realm of who they are as people.

I see all the perspectives of these posts. I was once active duty and my thoughts of people's "morales" were quite high when I was younger. I didn't realize "life happened" and hardened people, or changed what they thought. I was devastated when I found a highly respected AD friend of mine cheated and was even more appalled to find that her AD H did the same. They had grown apart but had 2 kids. It was heartbreaking and eye opening and was only the start of many things I'd seen over the years. I'm sure NEITHER one ever started out their life or marriage that way. Eventually they grew back together and got over a lot of what each had done but WOW!! Amazing.. what happened on TDY/Deployment stayed there. Very sad.

Life changed them, albeit life with their spouse, the military, doesn't matter. I can say with 1000% certainty my AD H won't cheat because of his moral character, but with that caveat I guess I'm not blind to how people just live, we're young (only in our 30's) but who can tell what can happen. I've known cheaters, I've known faithful people, I've know cheaters that turned faithful and vice versa.

NONE of this makes it right, ever. It will ALWAYS be wrong, just doesn't mean it won't happen and if anyone ever unexpectedly finds themselves in this predicament, it sucks, and it just is. It's just life!

I hope the OP has a false positive but I do know those are rare and the conversations that will have to follow won't be pleasant, especially since she had the tests previously and were negative. My heart goes out to you. It's never easy and you'll have to find in your heart what's right for you. (we can all suggest to leave or stay but you'll do what's right when you're ready!)

Good Luck

How often are they tested for STDs?

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