Bradely book stings already

RandiDeeAnn · January 2012

I know I'm just emotional,but I'm sure you ladies understand these emotions. I just finished the introduction and it says that babies delivered naturally are the only ones that have true birth-days. All others have delivery days. It just stung a little ;I've always kind of felt that my daughter was not birthed, but delivered. Just part of continuing through the healing, right?

iris427 · January 2012

Are you kidding me? I hate those stupid books. What an awful thing to say.

I completely understand what you mean about feeling your child was delivered, not birthed. I didn't really feel like I gave birth during my c/s because that sounds active and I was just lying there. But I would NEVER tell another mother that she did not give birth or that her baby didn't have a birthday. And if anyone told me that, I would be very upset.

I think sometimes natural birth advocates get so caught up in their own ideology they forget the reason their movement arose in the first place. And I say that as someone who had her VBAC at home in a tub with a doula. SMH.

cchill01 · January 2012

iris427:

Are you kidding me? I hate those stupid books. What an awful thing to say.

This! What a crock. I want a VBAC mostly for selfish reasons. I don't feel like my DD was harmed one bit by the c-section experience.

RandiDeeAnn · January 2012

In all fairness, I do think the writer of the introduction was not even considering VBAC patients. The only copy I could get (through inter-library loan, not even just at my library!!!!) is copyrighted 1981. I got choked up just before I got pregnant when a preacher from my church, not the pastor, preached about labor pains in regards to new things coming. I think he said that women who've given birth know xyz. I remember saying to my DH, I don't. Nothing against his message, things like that just still sting. I've said several times already with this pregnancy that I have no idea what to expect because I've never even been in labor! Seriously, just a few hours of getting started contractions.

Harper'smom · January 2012

I'm taking the classes and we have other books that are required reading but am not reading that one. However the neither the workbook or the classes have been off putting in regards to having a prior c-section. This probably has a lot to do with the instructor and the fact that 2 out 10 moms are VBACs in the class. I was worried that the class would be a downer but we just got through the interventions section and it was approached in a matter that was informative and matter of fact, no guilt no preaching. Anyways if you are interested in the method I'm getting a lot out of it and think it is worth pursuing despite that text.

RandiDeeAnn · January 2012

Harper'smom:
I'm taking the classes and we have other books that are required reading but am not reading that one. However the neither the workbook or the classes have been off putting in regards to having a prior c-section. This probably has a lot to do with the instructor and the fact that 2 out 10 moms are VBACs in the class. I was worried that the class would be a downer but we just got through the interventions section and it was approached in a matter that was informative and matter of fact, no guilt no preaching. Anyways if you are interested in the method I'm getting a lot out of it and think it is worth pursuing despite that text.

I'm definitely pursuing what I can. There are no classes available where I live, so the books are all I have found and a few videos on YouTube. The comment just stung, more because I felt like it was true.

Newport617 · January 2012

My midwife likes to call it a VBACB vaginal birth after cesarean birth

I though that was sweet.... She looks at me and says you birthed your baby too! I though it was kinda corny at the time but I can see why she says that.

iris427 · January 2012

RandiDeeAnn:
In all fairness, I do think the writer of the introduction was not even considering VBAC patients. The only copy I could get (through inter-library loan, not even just at my library!!!!) is copyrighted 1981. I got choked up just before I got pregnant when a preacher from my church, not the pastor, preached about labor pains in regards to new things coming. I think he said that women who've given birth know xyz. I remember saying to my DH, I don't. Nothing against his message, things like that just still sting. I've said several times already with this pregnancy that I have no idea what to expect because I've never even been in labor! Seriously, just a few hours of getting started contractions.

Well it's not even just about VBAC moms. It's inevitable that a certain percentage of women preparing for natural childbirth will end up with interventions or a cesarean that they didn't want. When natural birth rhetoric goes too far in painting those things in a negative light, I think they make it harder on those mothers that do end up needing them.

But this is a 30 year old book so hopefully the newer editions don't say that a c/s is not really a birth.

I can definitely relate to what you are saying about feeling like you missed out on something. I felt that way for a long time after my c/s too.

Kristine Schilling · January 2012

I know what you mean. The Bradley method book is rather opinionated. My sister went Bradley for her first child, took the classes and everything. She loved her birth experience, but she said that the classes and book seemed to attempt to "brainwash" the mommys into thinking hospitals were evil, and if your couldnt go totally natural you were a bad mom.

Out of curiousity, I read the bradley book at some point during my PG with DD. I couldnt stand the judgments and the snide comments. I did however finish the book because some of their methods for pain managment are great.

Take the good from the book, but toss the rest out the window. Thats what I have been doing with all the different birth methods I have been researching for this PG.

Harper'smom · January 2012

RandiDeeAnn:
Harper'smom:
I'm taking the classes and we have other books that are required reading but am not reading that one. However the neither the workbook or the classes have been off putting in regards to having a prior c-section. This probably has a lot to do with the instructor and the fact that 2 out 10 moms are VBACs in the class. I was worried that the class would be a downer but we just got through the interventions section and it was approached in a matter that was informative and matter of fact, no guilt no preaching. Anyways if you are interested in the method I'm getting a lot out of it and think it is worth pursuing despite that text.
I'm definitely pursuing what I can. There are no classes available where I live, so the books are all I have found and a few videos on YouTube. The comment just stung, more because I felt like it was true.

I think that Birthing From Within might be a better choice for you. The methods were developed by a Midwife whose first birth ended up in C-section and it is the most sensitive to VBAC moms (from my natural birth readings thus far). I think this method would have been the best for me as an individual but Bradley was needed to help get DH where I need him to be. The only issue we have with our Bradley class is that one of the last classes is scheduled at the exact time of SuperBowl kick off, there has been zero "brain washing".

We are also required to read Mind Over Labor which I think would be helpful for someone doing self study.

pepomntpat · January 2012

Coming out of lurking! I had forgotten that part of the book. I think that was a horrible thing for him to write-especially as a HIM. I remember when I had to have my unplanned c/s how my doula kept saying that it was still a birth. And she reminded DH to tell me all that was happening just like we would have had it been a vaginal birth. It didn't quite work like that since DH was a bit shell shocked, but all children have birth days.

I still believe pretty strongly in the Bradley Method, but I liked it because it helped me always take a minute to make as informed a decision as I could. I kinda pushed aside the stupid parts. I am sorry that phrase hit you badly. {hugs}

Kaisa07 · January 2012

I didn't like having to have my first c/s .. my little one was breech .. my OB gave me choices of which day I wanted to schedule my c/s, but my only options were Friday the 13th or Friday the 20th .. It felt so weird to me "picking" my child's birthday .. I struggled with it for a few days, but ended up going into preterm labor on the 4th .. c/s babies have birthdays just as any other baby .. and what of induced labors??? People are so cruel!

cheerleader.08 · January 2012

This reminds me of teaching Macbeth this year. When we got to the end and Macduff said he was not born of a woman since he was taken from her womb. Reading that the first time after having my babies, I was surprised at the power of the words.

RandiDeeAnn · January 2012

cheerleader.08:
This reminds me of teaching Macbeth this year. When we got to the end and Macduff said he was not born of a woman since he was taken from her womb. Reading that the first time after having my babies, I was surprised at the power of the words.

Wow!! Totally forgot about that line! It is really powerful. I feel awkward telling people that I think I'm going to go "overdue" because it is my first labor/birth. Especially to people who don't really know my situation with DD or my plans with this LO. It really does come up.

aerotigergirl · January 2012

iris427:
Well it's not even just about VBAC moms. It's inevitable that a certain percentage of women preparing for natural childbirth will end up with interventions or a cesarean that they didn't want. When natural birth rhetoric goes too far in painting those things in a negative light, I think they make it harder on those mothers that do end up needing them.
But this is a 30 year old book so hopefully the newer editions don't say that a c/s is not really a birth.
I can definitely relate to what you are saying about feeling like you missed out on something. I felt that way for a long time after my c/s too.

This exactly. My DH and I took Bradley classes, and were very much preparing for a natural birth experience. I labored at home until I was at 9cm, then progressed quickly to 10cm after being admitted. I managed to labor way better than I ever imagined that I could, surprising myself with hidden strength and resolve. The midwife was breaking my water so that I could succumb to the urge to push when she discovered (!) that my DS was breech. I was heartbroken. I felt like I'd run the first 26 miles of a marathon, then gotten pulled off the course with the finish line in sight! There was one doctor in town who may have been willing to deliver a frank breech, but that wasn't even a sure thing since he may have declined us due to my being a first time mom. With every surge, I couldn't stop myself from pushing, and we felt like there wasn't enough time to fully explore our options, so we agreed to the cesarean.

Our DS was born healthy, which I know (I know, I know) is all that matters. But our first meeting wasn't the one I wanted. I didn't want to meet him in recovery, when I was all tangled up in wires and tubes and monitors. I didn't want to hold him for the first time with someone else assisting because I had no sensation in the better part of my body.

I have beaten myself up so many times for the way our DS was born. I have blamed myself and wondered if I didn't stick to my guns long enough before agreeing to the surgery. I have wondered if I damaged my son in ways that aren't yet apparent. And I have felt, always, like I didn't "give birth." I don't need anyone, a book or a person, to remind me of that.

Whew! I didn't even know I was still holding onto all of that, but it feels really good to get it out.

iris427 · January 2012

cheerleader.08:
This reminds me of teaching Macbeth this year. When we got to the end and Macduff said he was not born of a woman since he was taken from her womb. Reading that the first time after having my babies, I was surprised at the power of the words.

"...from his mother's womb untimely ripped," right? Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt about my c/s. Powerful words indeed.

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