Is attachment parenting only about cosleeping?

avalovesart · January 2012

It seems most of the posts her are primarily about cosleeping. Is that the primary component of attachment parenting? I'm not going to be cosleeping, but love all the other aspects of parenting that the Dr. Sears website promotes.

I wanted to cosleep, but have exhausted the possibility and finally decided it's just not going to work out. LO will be sleeping in her crib less than 3 feet away from the bed, so she's not far and I plan to nurse her as needed throughout the night. I'm a little worried about nursing her in the bed though, since I've decided not to cosleep, because if I nurse her in bed I'm thinking we will both fall asleep and create a dangerous situation. Am I going to regret it if I just nurse her while sitting up in the bed or on a chair? (Maybe "regret" isn't quite the right word, but I hope you understand my question...)

avalovesart · January 2012

MandJS:
Also, there ARE ways to safely cosleep. I didn't intend to do so, but it just worked out best for S, DH, and myself - we all got more sleep that way. Do your research and then do what works for your family.

Yes, I'm aware there are ways to safely cosleep...but after doing my research for the past 3 months we have decided it isn't going to work out for our family (for a variety of reasons.) So because we aren't installing any safety measures for cosleeping, that is why I'm worried about laying down to nurse and accidentally falling asleep. Maybe my question relates more to the breastfeeding board, not sure...because what I'm trying to ask is, will I be any less likely to fall asleep while sitting up during the night to breastfeed as opposed to laying down?

BlindysWife · January 2012

Haha I can see why you would think so, given the amount of sleep posts recently. But nope, it's just one component of AP. Most of us don't see AP as an all-or-nothing style of parenting. MandJS is right, some of us BF and some don't, some BW and some don't, etc etc. I think we have a lot of sleep posts because it's just one of those topics that folks are always looking for advice on.

Nothing wrong with not co-sleeping. No need to feel guilty, or regret your choice. Happy mama= happy baby. Just do what works for you, your LO and your family. Yes

BlindysWife · January 2012

avalovesart:
MandJS:
Also, there ARE ways to safely cosleep. I didn't intend to do so, but it just worked out best for S, DH, and myself - we all got more sleep that way. Do your research and then do what works for your family.
Yes, I'm aware there are ways to safely cosleep...but after doing my research for the past 3 months we have decided it isn't going to work out for our family (for a variety of reasons.) So because we aren't installing any safety measures for cosleeping, that is why I'm worried about laying down to nurse and accidentally falling asleep. Maybe my question relates more to the breastfeeding board, not sure...because what I'm trying to ask is, will I be any less likely to fall asleep while sitting up during the night to breastfeed as opposed to laying down?

The times that I sat up to nurse LO, I was never as comfy as I was laying down. So for me, it would have been difficult to fall asleep nursing while I sat up. I mean, never underestimate the sleepiness of an exhausted mama, but I think you'll be fine!

avalovesart · January 2012

MandJS:
The times that I sat up to nurse LO, I was never as comfy as I was laying down. So for me, it would have been difficult to fall asleep nursing while I sat up. I mean, never underestimate the sleepiness of an exhausted mama, but I think you'll be fine!

Thanks for the advice. Do you think it is possible to nurse laying down and not fall asleep? Are there any sure-proof methods to make sure that doesn't happen if I do lay down to nurse? Ultimately, my concern is that I don't want to create a dangerous situation for baby, so for now I plan to nurse sitting up, but just trying to learn if that is truly my only option or what.

ToastieSimons · January 2012

DS hated bed-sharing. He cannot sleep in bed with us, therefore, none of us can.

There are many ways to develop an AP bond with your child, it's not solely reliant on bedsharing.

We did lots of baby wearing, we never CIO (and he's a great sleeper), we listen to him and follow his cues as far as our schedule and activities we plan.

For me, AP is about a relationship with your child. I'm in a relationship with DH, we both listen to what the other wants, at times we disagree and one of us has to "win", but we try to cooperate and compromise. I feel I do the same with DS. This isn't about me JUST being a parent, forcing him to nap and sleep on command, and teaching him things. This is about letting him develop and teach me who he is, helping his nap and sleep on his body's demand and be a happy well adjusted child.

avalovesart · January 2012

Thanks for the advice everyone! And confirmation that cosleeping isn't the only component of AP

LittleDucky · January 2012

I would also say that I think there are lots of moms on here who have not 100% of the co-slept or have gone back and forth. I was not comfortable with DS cosleeping when he was tiny. I just could not fall asleep if he was in the bed with me because I was so nervous about rolling over on him or something (I know this is way unlikely, but I was too anxious about it). However, after around 6 months old, DS would sleep with me for an hour or two after DH got up. Then, at around 8 months, we started co-sleeping when it was the only way anyone could get any sleep. I was more comfortable with is because DS was bigger and seemed less fragile to me. Now we co-sleep every night (something I never anticipated I'd be doing with a 13-month old). So, as you can see, you can go back and forth about these things.

BlindysWife · January 2012

avalovesart:
MandJS:
The times that I sat up to nurse LO, I was never as comfy as I was laying down. So for me, it would have been difficult to fall asleep nursing while I sat up. I mean, never underestimate the sleepiness of an exhausted mama, but I think you'll be fine!
Thanks for the advice. Do you think it is possible to nurse laying down and not fall asleep? Are there any sure-proof methods to make sure that doesn't happen if I do lay down to nurse? Ultimately, my concern is that I don't want to create a dangerous situation for baby, so for now I plan to nurse sitting up, but just trying to learn if that is truly my only option or what.

Maybe turning on a side table lamp, or the television softly might help keep you from falling asleep. For me, even when I nursed side-lying, I was only half asleep, because I always remained aware enough to pop L's binky back in his mouth when he finished up. But I know there are mamas on here who sleep through the nursing sessions well enough to not remember how many time their LO ate in the night. That was never the case for me. So it might depend on your individual sleep tendencies. I would start out nursing sitting up like you plan, and see how it goes, and don't be afraid to try something new, or scrap what isn't working. I always figured I'd nurse in the comfy, expensive gllider we got for L's room in the middle of the night, and that never once happened. Go with the flow and follow your instincts and you'll make the right decisions.

pixieprincss · January 2012

No, it's not. Bedding near baby is just one of the "Baby Bs" that foster a close attachment between members of the family. I think there is a sticky at the top of the AP page that gives the key points of AP and the book Attachment Parenting by Sears also explains it. As for cosleeping, you actuallty will be cosleeping with the room setup you've described. What you will not be doing is bedsharing. Wink

As for not falling asleep, that might be tough. But, even moms who don't cosleep and have baby in another room fall asleep nursing baby while sitting up in a rocker or chair sometimes! When baby is here, you will be able to navigate how tired you are, what works for you and baby and your partner, etc.

It is good to think about, but don't sweat it. It will all fall into place when baby is here, and then you may go through 700 variationsto really find out what works, only to have baby change on you. That is when AP really comes in--learning to grow and change and roll with whatever works for your unique family dynamic as a whole.

Congratulations on your forthcoming LO!

SirSleepsALot · January 2012

I get stuck on pregnant women who "know" what they will or won't be doing. BAHAHHAHAHA. Sorry. I just remember "knowing". LOL.

TiffanyBerry · January 2012

We had a cosleeper attached to the bed (so she had her own space, and wasn't in our bed) for the first few months. I would sit up to nurse and it was har don't to fall asleep, but we are all different, and I was exhausted! We moved her into the bed later (when it's easier to cosleeper safely, IMHO), but it wasn't until closer to 9 months.

GypsyEsq · January 2012

Just reiterating, cosleeping does not = AP but, you actually are planning on cosleeping just not bedsharing. For me, side lying nursing at night always = sleeping. But, we bedshared so it wasn't a concern for me not to fall asleep KWIM? If it is for you, and sounds like it will be then I'd just try it out and see what happens. I will say that an importanting part of parenting, much less AP, is just being open to what the experience brings. The boards in general are filled with "I'll never co-sleep/bedshare moms" who ultimately did one or the other or both. Just going with the flow and doing what works best for baby will automatically result in what works best for you and yours IMO. Good luck!

p.s. I also routinely fell asleep nursing DD in our rocking chair...maybe I was just extra sleepy.

Sinafey · January 2012

Looks like you got a lot of great advice already so I'll keep it short. I've never been the type to fall asleep anywhere other than laying in my bed, but when DD was tiny and sleep was rare I would always start to doze off while feeding her in a rocker. It's a lot safer to cosleep than it is to fall asleep in a chair with LO.

Try not to have too many "I'll nevers" and be willing to reassess the situation.

jcsumm0 · January 2012

DD slept in the PNP in our room until she was 6 1/2 months old. I never nursed her in bed--I would go to the couch in the living room. I watched TV and read during the long nursing sessions of newbornhood. Now our middle of the night nursing sessions are so short that I don't need to do anything to keep myself awake, but I still go to the couch.

We weren't--and still aren't--comfortable w/bedsharing but loved having her in our room.

So what you are describing worked for us!

tokenhoser · January 2012

You could also consider side-carring the crib to give baby a separate but attached sleeping surface.

I can't feed lying down without sleeping. I ended up moving to another bed with baby for the first few months because it wasn't really safe in our room for a variety of reasons (memory foam mattress, cat in the bed, DH is a big guy that makes the mattress dent down). I didn't intend to cosleep, but I caved to more sleep within a week of being home.

sweetpealee · January 2012

Sinafey:
Looks like you got a lot of great advice already so I'll keep it short. I've never been the type to fall asleep anywhere other than laying in my bed, but when DD was tiny and sleep was rare I would always start to doze off while feeding her in a rocker. It's a lot safer to cosleep than it is to fall asleep in a chair with LO.
Try not to have too many "I'll nevers" and be willing to reassess the situation.

We intended to have Henry sleep in a PNP right next to our bed, but I find/ found it easier to just bedshare- that's what worked for us, you have to figure out what works for you once LO arrives. I would not BF on the couch at night for fear of falling asleep on the couch, I was that sleep deprived for the first few weeks, and physically tired from delivery.

avalovesart · January 2012

Thanks everyone!

I hope I didn't come across as saying "I'll never bedshare/cosleep" as that wasn't my intention, but it seems some interpreted it that way. Without trying to explain every detail, DH and I have considered so many possibilities of how to bedshare and it just doesn't seem like it will work out for us. Seriously for three months we've tried to work out some way....but again, I'm open to it, just have not yet seen any feasible solution for our scenario due to a few restrictions with our bed, living space, etc.

Anyhow, thanks for the suggestions on nighttime nursing, and we'll see how it goes once she gets here!

tokenhoser · January 2012

https://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/

Not saying you must do anything, but that's an example of someone setting up a sidecar crib. They couldn't bedshare because the DH has sleep apnea and a CPAP machine. If you find all the up-and-down with a separate crib is too tiring, it's an alternative.

webMistress0609 · January 2012

Sinafey:
Looks like you got a lot of great advice already so I'll keep it short. I've never been the type to fall asleep anywhere other than laying in my bed, but when DD was tiny and sleep was rare I would always start to doze off while feeding her in a rocker. It's a lot safer to cosleep than it is to fall asleep in a chair with LO.
Try not to have too many "I'll nevers" and be willing to reassess the situation.

I was just about to mention the safety factor of falling asleep while in a rocking chair or on the couch, etc. That is actually how a high percentage of co-sleeping deaths happen.

We started bedsharing b/c I worked FT & Ari was a committed reverse cycler till he was just over a year. He also slept way, way better in bed with us. You do whatever gets you the most sleep, period.

We would put him in the co-sleeper (Arm's Reach) at the start of the night. 1st nursing after I went to bed, I just fell asleep while he nursed. If he woke again & needed to nurse, I relatched & fell back asleep. I would only be awake for a matter of seconds.

The co-sleeper acted like a bed rail. He slept between me & the co-sleeper, all blankets at waist level for safety. Easy peasy & a co-sleeper takes up less room than a crib.

I'm not necessarily saying bedsharing is the only way & it doesn't work for everybody. If it doesn't work for you, fine, but IMHO it just strikes me as overthinking it to try to work at something very simple for 3 months & figure there's no way.

kyethra · January 2012

No. There are aspects of attachment parenting I like, and I will use those. I, however, plan on totally avoiding co-sleeping. I have a sleep disorder. For us it would be a real risk for the baby and a very bad idea. But we will keep the baby in a cradle in our room for the fist few months. Mostly I plan on seeing what works out for us-- in terms of life style and parenting style. Some AP stuff is great, some of it just doesn't mesh with me. And of all the things for me to feel guilty about, right now I don't plan on making this one of them

Birdies08 · January 2012

Re: nighttime nursing- I like the idea of sitting up. I actually had trouble side lying nursing at first, and would just sit in bed with the boppy and nurse her while I watched TV. If you want to lay down and not fall asleep, definitely do something other than just nurse, ha ha. Nursing is very relaxing sometimes! Have your phone, or laptop, or a TV on that you are watching, or a soft light and a book. Then you'll be less likely to doze off and you'll notice when LO is done so you can put her back in her bed.

Mrs.Teddy · January 2012

I think the other mama's covered the AP part of it.

I've never really known where I "fit in" when it comes to that, but we are cosleepers here. Never ever planned it, it just happened.

I woke up a few times in the glider with DS asleep on the boppy and it scared me, what if he had fallen off my lap onto the floor!? SO I started sitting up in bed, at least he'd fall a shorter distance onto a soft mattress?! (this was seriously my thinking) and then I started side laying and putting him in a bassinet beside the bed in between.

He didn't start FT co sleeping until 6/7 months and has gone back and forth since then.

I think for more a huge part of parenting (AP or whatever) is being sensitive to your childs needs and trying to do whats best for you and your family. I don't think you can really plan for all that entails during the pregnancy (I think its great that your thinking of these things) but there is so much you would never consider.

DS is 2 and a half I NEVER thought he woudl be full time bedsharing with us, and its only been the last 6ish months he's been back in our bed. However its a need he has right now, and he can actually verbalize that. When he's ready he'll go back to his bed, until then we will make it work.

emolm · January 2012

tokenhoser:
https://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/
Not saying you must do anything, but that's an example of someone setting up a sidecar crib. They couldn't bedshare because the DH has sleep apnea and a CPAP machine. If you find all the up-and-down with a separate crib is too tiring, it's an alternative.

This is working fantastically for us and the space constrains in our bedroom.

I could never stay awake while feeding him the first few weeks. Even now that he's FF, I still fall asleep while feeding him at night. (The side car makes this easier for everyone in the house though.)

thatsmary · January 2012

I didn't read all of the replies, but I wanted to say that I actually started bed-sharing partly because of falling asleep while nursing. I used to get up and nurse DD in the glider in the nursery, but I kept falling asleep with her in my arms. I thought the possible fall from my arms from the chair was scarier than having her in bed with me.

x0stephanie · January 2012

I was open to the idea but it didn't work for us. We all sleep better in our own beds. I'm still a VERY attached parent though, it definitely doesn't make or break it

Want a personalized experience?

Is attachment parenting only about cosleeping?

Re: Is attachment parenting only about cosleeping?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards