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3rd Trimester
had my first hormonal breakdown, still upset.
I feel guilty because I feel like the baby is stressed out now.
My SO got frustrated because he was having issues telling the local court that he couldn't do his scheduled jury duty (he isn't allowed because he is a police officer). He kept telling the woman on the phone the wrong thing, and I can't call for him since 1) I'm not the person being summoned and 2) we aren't married. I said that, and then added "I can't do everything for you, you have to listen to me and tell her the right information." He, again, called her and told her the wrong thing. When I told him that he'd relayed the wrong information (this was like the third time in 10 minutes that he had), he literally FREAKED out and took whatever he wanted to take out on them out on me. Apparently what I had said was 'demeaning' to him and he told me that I "don't do everything for him anyway." I wasn't trying to demean him at all, I said it because he happened to mention the other night that he didn't know what he would do if I "didn't do everything around here." I pay the bills, clean every inch of this house, make sure all of his documents are filed in proper folders, make sure his insurance is all taken care of, cook, and the list goes on. I do everything but go down to the jail and work for him. So, it hurt my feelings times 1,000 that he would say "you don't do everything anyway," and I had such a giant meltdown that I am seriously embarrassed. I never cry like this 
And our poor baby is stuck in my stressed out body because I can't calm down.
Thanks for letting me vent 
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Re: had my first hormonal breakdown, still upset.
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It is. And I never would say that to him, but heaven forbid if I mention (after he does) that I do a lot around here...instantly he is demeaned. I didn't even say it in a mean or 'matter of fact' way, I just said it. Maybe I should have just not said anything. I'm hoping he realizes I am legitimately hurt by what he said, probably more than anything he's ever 'snarked' at me before, and apologizes for real. He was walking back into work and saying he just wanted me to be fine again... It's not just that easy after this argument, and I can't just give him instant forgiveness so that HE feels better.
Ugh.
I'm sorry you are stressed out, and I would be pissed off, too..... but:
Even though it does seem like you do 99 percent of everything, it's completely different for someone to say "you do everything for me" as a kind of round about thank you, and for them to hear you say "I do everything for you." Like you said, you weren't trying to demean him, and I'm sure in normal circumstances you two wouldn't have batted an eye over semantics like that. But you were both stressed out, and if I were him that would have really rubbed me the wrong way hearing my SO say something like that.
Also, I'm very particular how I give information on the phone, and I almost always feel like DH leaves out 90 percent of what is important when he's talking to someone (electric company, whatever.) It drives me NUTS that he wont just tell them what I say to tell them. But I have to remind myself that different people interpret information in different ways, so in DH's mind, he's giving the most simple, straightforward explanation he can think of, it's just not the way I would have explained things.
I think you both deserve an apology- he needs to apologize to you for snapping and yelling at you, and you need to apologize to him for devaluing his ability to be an adult on his own- even though that's not what you meant, that's most likely how he perceived it.
This sounds like the kind of thing that would happen with me and my SO, right down to the part about how you'd do it for him if you could, but you can't because you two aren't married and you're not the one being summoned.
I try to do "everything" for J because he works and I am at home trying to take care of everything else. It's hard.
I have no advice, but I totally understand.
Men! My DH and I have this argument at times. I legitimately do WAY more of the bill paying, housework, etc. It drives me nuts sometimes but his definition of clean and acceptable is very different than mine so I've gotten over it EXCEPT now I am 9 months PG, in grad school and working full time and when I suggest that I need him to do MORE around the house I get a hostile retort of "Yeah, because I do NOTHING around here"-
I never said nothing, I said not enough...for me, now, as I am the size of a house.
I truly believe that this comes down to a couple of things- one-he just doesn't care if the counters are spotless etc and 2, he feels helpless (men hate that) because he can't fix my PG woes (carpal tunnel, pelvic pain, etc) but his brain doesn't seem to make the connection that wiping down the counters or paying a bill would make me feel better in a less direct way. Men can be cranky jerks when they can't fix something but rather than admit that they feel inadequate they soemtimes just say dumb things. When your calm, I find, trying to explain to DH what it is like to be me right now helps.
Mine but the crib together after a fight (without me) which sent me into an emotional tailspin because I didn't get to be a part of doing that (god bless hormones) which I think was the moment he finally figured out that you cannot "reason" with a PG lady's hormones
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Thank you all for the words of wisdom! After reading your replies, I believe I see where I went wrong, and he knows where he went wrong, so when he gets home tonight I'm going to try to talk it out with him.
Also, hormones suck? I cried for two hours over this, and then wanted to cry in Publix because people were staring and smiling at my belly....<- normally something I would be happy about, lol.