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How to backdown as a Bridesmaid? HELP!

BabyBliss2012BabyBliss2012 member
in July 2012 Moms

A girl I used to work with asked me in July to stand up in her wedding in Sept of 2012!  She's not even that close to me so I was VERY surprised and she moved 5 hours away so we rarely talk.... only through e-mail and text messages every once in a while.  Well, I was kind of put on the spot and said yes, even though I knew we were starting a family.  I want to tell her that it will be too hard for me to stand up in her wedding, and I won't be able to travel 5 hours away for all her bridal events.  How should I tell her that I want to back down?  And... is it bad for me to write it in an E-mail?  I kind of want to avoid the whole phone conversation-- but I also think it's kind of rude.  (luckily, the bridesmaid dresses haven't been ordered yet and I haven't committed myself to anything else) 

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Re: How to backdown as a Bridesmaid? HELP!

  • one more makes fourone more makes four
    I would definitely call her.  I know it will be a bit uncomfortable, but it really is the polite and respectful thing to do.  Maybe you can tell her that it is just too much for you to take on since you will have a new baby and a new way of life to adjust to.  Plus the traveling is not so simple with a newborn.  If she is a real friend, she will understand.  Good luck!
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  • MrsOjoButtonsMrsOjoButtons member
    Since your conversation normally happens via email and text, I don't think it's rude to tell her in an email. "Sally, I've got good news and bad news.  The good news is that Johnny and I are expecting a baby in August!  The bad news is that I won't be able to travel for your wedding and shower.  I do wish I could go, I know it'll be an awesome wedding!  I hope to see pictures of everything!  XOXO BabyBliss"
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  • blane2011blane2011
    I would e-mail her. I mean if thats how you guys communicate now. I'd do it quick though if you're wanting out. I planned my own wedding and I had somone back out on me 3 months before which jacked all my plans up so yeah. lol But, I don't think its rude. If you are like me, its easier to explain yourself through writing than being put on the spot to tell someone something lol You have time to change and go back and see how it sounds and all that.
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  • blane2011blane2011

    imageMrsOjoButtons:
    Since your conversation normally happens via email and text, I don't think it's rude to tell her in an email. "Sally, I've got good news and bad news.  The good news is that Johnny and I are expecting a baby in August!  The bad news is that I won't be able to travel for your wedding and shower.  I do wish I could go, I know it'll be an awesome wedding!  I hope to see pictures of everything!  XOXO BabyBliss"

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  • BabyBliss2012BabyBliss2012 member

    imageblane2011:
    I would e-mail her. I mean if thats how you guys communicate now. I'd do it quick though if you're wanting out. I planned my own wedding and I had somone back out on me 3 months before which jacked all my plans up so yeah. lol But, I don't think its rude. If you are like me, its easier to explain yourself through writing than being put on the spot to tell someone something lol You have time to change and go back and see how it sounds and all that.

    LOL looks like we're a lot alike... we haven't talked on the phone once since she's moved so I think it would be easier to just E-mail her... I mean, I'm really NOT that close to her... I feel bad saying this, but I didn't even want to stand up...

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  • SallySunriseSallySunrise member
    In general I would say yes, it would be rude not to call her, but if that's how you normally correspond with her then I think it would be ok to send an email.  Definitely stress that you're honored that she wanted you to be a part of it and that you wish you could, but the logistics just won't be workable with a newborn.  And I agree with the other ladies; do it ASAP!
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  • Kayte317Kayte317
    Are you planning on attending the wedding even if you're not a bridesmaid?  I only ask because one of my bridesmaids lives across the country for school so she wasn't able to attend any of the pre-wedding stuff.  I was totally fine with it because I knew the situation.  What mattered to me was that she was there for the wedding.  Good luck!  
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