- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting after 35
Pesky
member
Okay -- help me work this out...
Pesky
member
Our kids are finally getting to an easier stage and so I am looking at the little babies with a sense of wistful longing. DH and I have always been varying from 75-95% done. But I can't quite pull the trigger on either of us taking permanent BC steps. Lately we've both been more on the fence, both kind of "well, if you really wanted it, I would consider it." We don't feel that we would regret not having a third, it would just be what it is. And there are a LOT of cons against a third: tough on my body (6 mos of physical therapy after every birth), irritable uterus which thus far hasn't caused pre-term babies but easily could, prognosis of worse pg (fine with DD relatively speaking, PTL contractions (so on terb and modified bed rest) and almost unbearable edema with DS), age-related concerns (I'm 40 and it would be about a 4 year age-gap between my youngest and the new one), just gave away all our baby stuff, financial strain, DH travels frequently and I work FT in a stressful job so solo parenting is tough as it is, likely have to go through tubes and tonsillectomy with a third if the first 2 are any indication, loathe the thought of going through the sleeplessness and so on again, etc. Plus every time we ask DD if she wants another baby brother or sister, her response is unvarying -- "No. I just want DS."
Also, when I had DS, I remember standing in our bathroom holding him and thinking "we're done. our family is complete." which surprised me but felt very right. FWIW, I would be open to adopting another child too but DH isn't as on board with that.
So, for those of you who are done, normal to feel kind of wistful and have that baby fever again? Do you ever have some baby fever now and again?
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Okay -- help me work this out...
I know what you mean as I had similar longings. I had our second when I was 39 and over the course of the next year I would go through stages where I thought ?wouldn?t it be nice to have a third?? From the beginning, DH never wanted more than two kids and I was good with that too, until I hit that 40 mark and the permanence of it all hit me. I?ll never be pregnant again, I?ll never hold a newborn in the middle of the night, I?ll never?and the list went on. I don?t mean this to sound dramatic, but I considered this to be a grieving of sorts and accepted it for what it was?our family is complete. I am grateful for the two healthy kids we do have and hope to live long enough to enjoy grandchildren!
FWIW, you never know if the third may turn into three and four (higher chance of multiples), so be careful what you wish for. (I know someone in this situation)
It sounds to me like you're done. It's always easy to daydream about another or nostalgic for cutie pie babies or toddlers, but you know that the reality is different.
If you're really wanting another but are worried about the concerns you mentioned, all of which are valid, then take some time to really do some soul searching with DH about adding to your family.
Good luck!
My Blog
Now most of the time when someone posts this question, I say, "Go for it." Especially if it's a one-and-done vs. having a sibling for the LO.
But boy, you do have a laundry list of negatives there. Most of which are very valid health concerns for both your pregnancy and the child's health.
I do know my 40-something neighbor had a much tougher time with #3 (forced bedrest, premature birth, much more tiring with 3, etc) and says while she loves her daughter, she kind of wishes they'd stopped at 2.
Not much help here... sorry.
I won't be much of a help either, but here is my case. We have only DS and I know it is a little early to make a decision if we are one and done, but I am honestly thinking we might be done. I had an easy pregnancy with complicated delivery and some post partum complications. My bigger consideration is that both me and DH are still graduate students and will have to look for jobs in a year or so. So not settled at all. By the time we get settled I will be 40 and I am not sure if I want to be pregnant then. Like I said, I have not closed the door, especially since I think DH would like one more. But if I had 2 and have had issues like you did in your pregnancies, I would definitely know that I am done.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I still feel like the bolded part once in a while, and I'm truly done. It's sad to think you'll never experience the wonderful parts again at each age, and I do worry that I'll forget what it was like (even though I haven't). But I'm okay with it and I'm able to see and hold other babies and think just for that half second that maybe it would be nice......and then I get home and think not a snowballs chance in hell.