- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Adoption
Didn't know a scam could hurt this much...
We were just taken by a couple who is shopping around twins, fraternal boy & girl out of Wisconsin. They were in North Carolin prior. They have been in our lives since Nov. 18 and I went to two ultrasounds. She is due Feb. 23. It's like I am having an out of body experience. They want money for the babies, we wouldn't break the law, which they knew all along and tonight they told us they weren't going with us. Not even an I am sorry. I bought their kids Christmas presents and shared meals with them. I spent hours on the phone talking to her and working through all of this. I called her a friend at one point. Our lawyer said we might be the third or fourth couple they got on this pregnancy alone.
We are devastated, but most of all just want to warn people that as good/safe as a situation may seem, protect yourselves. Protect your hearts.
I have to believe that we are going through this for a reason.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Didn't know a scam could hurt this much...
I'm so sorry.
I could have just about written this post word for word (except not twins and not in WI.). We found out in Nov, flew up to meet them, Christmas gifts for her two kids and them, thousands of dollars lost.
And she tells me today (although we knew it was coming) "we're going to step away from the adoption for now." Code for, we're going to find another couple to bleed dry.
It REALLY sucks. For months you think this is your baby and suddenly that dream is gone. Back to square one. Except not really, because now you're grieving the loss of what you thought you had. It's awful and for me, hurt a lot more than I would have ever imagined.
Actually, what hurts the most for me is knowing that someone most likely WILL end up adopting this baby. The last man standing when she is born, so to speak. We lost money, did things by the book, and it won't be us.
There are plenty of things I'd like to say to her...
Hugs to you. Know that you aren't alone. Our babies are out there. (none of this makes things better now... But still.)
(((hugs)))
There's a special place in hell for people that scam others in such a vulnerable situation. I'm so sorry
Mommy to DS#1 7/1/04 and DS#2 6/15/07
M/C 2/16/10 at 9wks 5 days~ D&C 2/18/10
BFP#4 5/17/11 C/P.
BFP#5 11/30/12 Surprise! DS#3 born 7/29/13
I'm so, so sorry. That makes me sick.
Wishing you peace.
I agree with PP about the letter. It may cause you more hurt, because you likely won't get an apology . Unless you think it will help you heal.
I can't even imagine how hurt you are. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry and agree w/PPs. Walk away and don't send a letter. Who knows.. she might feed on such attention.
We had three failed matches. At least one of them was a scam.. perhaps two. It is so painful to put your heart out there and have it stomped on. It's also painful to look at your checkbook go down as you invest dollars into a scam.
I know you don't want to hear this now... but all of the bumps and scams you encouter are steps closer to your baby. When you meet your baby and see her/him grow in your home, you'll know it was meant to be. I was a bitter and cynical person by the time we met our DD1. Now I look at her and I'd suffer a million times over in order for her to be on our life. She's the match that was meant to be my daughter.
Prayers for your healing and for the babies at stake in this awful scam.
If you google Quad A (American Academy of Adoption Attorneys)- it's a group of attorneys in every state that do solely adoption work- technically and legally in my state if an adoptive couple gives a birthmother living expenses and then she places with another couple the next couple needs to reimburse the first couple without exceeding the state max. (I am NOT an attorney- so this is NOT legal advice I just work in adoption)
Anywho...if you contact one of the lawyers in your state in the Quad A and alert them of this scam they will let their whole network of attorneys and (in my state) agencies doing adoptions and everyone can be on the look out for this woman.
Sorry this happened, it's a really heart wrenching situation- one that I would hope never to see anyone go through again
dx: Male Factor Infertility, low sperm count, low motility
History:
3 Clomid IUI's=3 BFN
took a break from trying for the last 3 years
Currently:
met with doctor 2/2/16, actively TTC #1 again, excited
***Fost/Adopt Parents, 1 y/o, 3 y/o***
I am so sorry this has happened to you. We were matched with Birth Parents who did the same to us. We were matched in her third month, and we went to meet her and attended an ultrasound with her. About 2 months after the match, she started threatening to leave us if we didn't give her more money. We called the agency and discontinued the match. We found out later that she had placed 4 other children (doing the same thing). She actually went through 2 more families after us until the last family standing was placed with the baby.
It did hurt and I felt like someone had died for a while. We even stepped away from adoption for about 10 months until we were emotionally able to try again (we did some IF treatments during that time). When we decided to try to adopt again. We updated our home study and 2 weeks later got the call about a 1 day old baby. You can see in my siggy that that call was successful. I truly believe God led us through all those dark times to get to Ben.
I will be praying for you, but know that your baby will find you and you will look back and know that all of this did happen for a reason.
I'm so sorry for you... Hugs!