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Parenting after 35
jigglyjelloo
member
Thinking we might have to be one and done :( (a bit of a vent)
jigglyjelloo
member
We were really hoping to have a 2nd child and when we had DD we talked about ttc when she was about 6 months old. With all of our unstability with our jobs (we both are still now working) and looking at where we want to go in life I just don't see us being able to afford to have a 2nd.
We have decided that we are going to move back to Canada to be closer to my family who will give us a lot more support then what we have here. But it is not like we can just pick up an leave. We have to wait until April to apply for my husband to immigrate, and that process can take 6-12 months. We could move earlier, but he wouldn't be able to work (or go to school) at all so I don't think we would get any further ahead doing that. So by the time we get there, get settled in jobs and get to a place where we can begin saving to buy a house, I will already be pushing 41. I never want to be in a financial position like we are again, and I want to be able to set up an account for LO and build that up so hopefully she won't either.
I go shopping and see all the squishy little babies and see all the people posting their BFP's on here and my heart breaks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thinking we might have to be one and done :( (a bit of a vent)
It doesn't sound like you're ready to make that final call yet. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the age of moms around here, you're hardly an old lady. Our low risk mat clinic here doesn't take age alone as a risk factor, they may only screen you once more than the under 35s via u/s and that's it. A close friend just had a baby....she's 46.
I get the school, moving, financial situation and housing situation. I think you have enough to worry about with that than deciding on kids. Personally, I'd shelve it until you're moved, settled and sorted. It's easier to be taking precautions and then say, yep, I am totally done, than to say, I don't think it is going to work because of xyz. Your job and financial situation isn't permanent and you are making an effort to improve it, permanent birth control is extremely difficult to undo.
Your last comment leads me to think you aren't ready to close that door. And don't forget, the job situation here is far better than TN. Wages are much higher too....and O&G is really picking up, and you can already start to notice the trickle down effect. Keep in mind the recession hasn't hit here like south of the border. Stay positive, you'll reach your goals.
Don't talk yourself out of something that hasn't even happened yet.
(Speaking on behalf of all the moms who were 42 when they had their first kid. Not sure if we're one-and-done yet, but I guess I'd better get crackin' since I'm 44 now.)
Heh, I am 41 now (got my BFP with DS just after turning 40) and we're considering having #2, but probably won't TTC til late 2012, if then (though if we're going to try I'd like to start before I hit 43 in Aug 2013). Finances are tight so we're not sure if we can swing it, which bums me out _a lot_. But like pps have said, since we're not "there" yet, we're not making a final ruling yet either. I'd say in our case TTC#2 does feel more like an "if" than a "when," which makes me sad. I too don't like thinking we're done. I'd at least like to try trying again. So I think I understand some of what you're feeling.
I hope you can figure out a way to make it work -- good luck!
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kikijbunny (formerly kikijbird)
Our jbunny born April 17, 2011 at 34w 1d (EDD May 28) due to irritable ute + early dilation
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I really do want to have another, but I also want to have a life where we are not living from pay check to pay check, or like now having absolutely nothing.
I hope it will work out better for us in Canada and we will be moving to Edmonton, so I know there is a ton of work up there and the pay is quite good. We are going to move in with my sister for the first little while to get settled and save up a bit, then we may move into a home that they rent. But I definitely want to get our own place sooner then later.
I guess a lot of it will come down to how long it will take us to get there and both get working.
Keep us posted when you get close to going back. I do know people there!! What field did you say your dh works in....and what kind of position are you looking for. I still have contacts in Edmonton....I can shoot postings your way if I know what I'm looking for. Or even the hiring contact info, if it's the right industry (I know you work for a manufacturer of the K-cup Tassimo type thingy....does it necessarily have to be the same industry...details!).
If you plan well, you won't be living strapped. There is still decent housing in places around Edmonton that you'll be able to swing on a low down and reasonable monthly payments. If your family can help out with the rental situation so you can save, even better. Hang tough, and keep your worries to one at a time!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. My background is kind of varied, I have a Diploma in Architectural Technology but I never really worked in that field. I got a job working at a high tech firm doing assembly drawings for manufacturing. I knew how to use AutoCAD and knew some people at the firm so that got me in and I learned everything else on the job. By the time I left in 2009 I was doing Mechanical design as well. I have worked retail and I did do a few small things in architecture, but that was a long time ago and I am sure I would need to do a ton of upgrading to get back into that.
My husband has been pretty much a career soldier (13yrs in the British army and 5 in the US). In the US army he was a medic so he had an EMT license(which has expired and I am sure he would need to do some sort of transition to get licenced in Canada as well and I think they only hire paramedics now anyway). Other then that he has only worked in retail or a warehouse type setting. He has been talking about maybe trying to go to NAIT and doing a welding apprenticeship since that is what my Dad does and he has all the equipment for him to get started without having to fork out a bunch of money. Ultimately he would love to get a nursing degree, but I think that might have to wait until we are a little more settled.
I have looked into some CAD upgrading programs at NAIT as well. I have been browsing some job sites and have come across several jobs for that type of work.
Thanks for your support. I am actually very excited to be possibly moving back. I miss home!
Well, if you were here right now, I'd be able to send you jobs, your education would be just fine, they are entry level. One is up with Atco - starts at $19/hr. Peanuts, but permanent with benefits. And lots of growing room. I'll keep an eye out on my company too, we hire for your skill set. And it's well worth it. And we have an office that is just off Whitemud and the new ring road, very quick from where you'll be at.
As for your DH, he only needs the EMT course, it's 1 year, part time, so he could still work. Not all positions require EMT-A. Why not look into firefighting? He fits the bill. DH was an army reserve medic as well, and has the EMR, etc background that your DH has, and that's a route that pays well, and seems to fit well with ex-army. They go from wearing a target on their head rescuing people from the line of fire to actually running into a fire to rescue people. Apparently, it's an adrenaline junkie sort of thing. And welding is a good option that is always in need of trained guys (and a side career of a lot of firefighters). Nursing...is expensive. And will likely take 5 years with how they have set up the BN courses here. I wouldn't discourage it, but the rate of pay and end scale is nowhere near welding.
Let me know when you're close to applying, I'll keep my ear to the ground.