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Austin Babies
s-a-r-a-h
member
TTC WWYD?
s-a-r-a-h
member
Now that DH and I almost have this move behind us, we'd like to start seriously TTC #2. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding on October 21 so if I was to get PG on this cycle, I would be due around October 15. I had pre-eclampsia last time so I ended up having DD two weeks early, plus I was on bedrest two weeks before that. So if I had a similar scenario play out this time, I could be anywhere from 1-3 weeks PP on the day of the wedding. Or if I didn't have any complications and went overdue, I could be seriously pregnant or miss the wedding all together if I had the baby on or around the wedding date.
If we sat out this cycle and were successful next cycle, I could potentially be 8 1/2 months pregnant around the wedding date (and again, risk the possibility of missing the wedding). Oh, and H's birthday is December 29 so if we sat out two cycles, we'd really only have one more chance to TTC before we're encroaching on her birth date. So we'd probably sit out another cycle, as to not have another December/holiday baby.
So, WWYD? Sit this month out, sit out the next two cycles or take your chances and TTC both cycles?
ETA: I should also mention that I got pregnant with DD on the second try. I've been off birth control for a few months now and we haven't been avoiding, even around peak ovulation times. But we certainly haven't been touring Singapore as much as we should if we were really TTC. And I think my friend would totally understand. It's just that we've been friends since second grade and I would really love to be there for her. She was also one of my bridesmaids. Oh, and the wedding is in Austin, which certainly helps in this situation.
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Re: TTC WWYD?
But you are a mature adult. You should see how many pregnant bridesmaid rant posts we see on TK on a daily basis. I guess it depends on the bride.
OP, I'd TTC right away regardless of the wedding.
Unless you'll be a bridesmaid for family, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Start TTC and just see what happens! I've done random polls of people married for 30+ years and aside from sisters/cousins, few could recall their other bridesmaids because those relationships had come and gone already.
You can play "what if" until you drive yourself crazy and still not account for every last situation. The only part I'd try to account for is when would be a "good' time to be on bedrest! Never right? I didn't exactly want Emily to have a Christmas birthday but I wanted another baby and I wasn't willing to wait out another cycle after my miscarriage (that baby was due on my birthday, 10/18). Life is too short.
Besides, hello? 2012 tax writeoff!!
Yeah, this is what I would do, too. The only thing that we planned baby making around was DH's absolute busiest month at work --14-16 hr days/7 days/week. Other than that, everything is fair game. In fact, he was supposed to be a groomsman in a wedding on June 2 in PA--that's obviously not happening now. Good luck!
Oh yeah, I just remembered my high school best friend was due 2-3 weeks after my wedding! She asked that she not be made to spend money on a huge satin gown she for sure would never wear again. I actually ended up having her 7 year old stand in as a Jr Bridesmaid (It was listed in the program that she was "Standing up for :Mom's name here:". She wore the same gown as the flower girl ($19 off eBay!). Made everyone happy and obviously, I didn't even remember it being a problem because it took Sarahplz talking about bridezillas for me to even remember it.
And you can ask OrangeFelt, she looked SO freaking cute walking out proudly with one of the tall groomsmen. Quite the show stopper
I think I would wait a couple months. In my world, a few months wouldn't make much of a difference. And any friend of mine would understand if I missed her wedding but I wouldn't want to. I'd be really disappointed if I had to miss it OR if I was so hugely 8.5 months pregnant that I would just be miserable the whole day.
My friend is waiting to TTC #2 until after her sister's wedding...which isn't until September! She doesn't want to be a pregnant bridesmaid at all so they are just going to put it off. So its not totally crazy to plan a baby around a wedding
I would not plan my family around someone else's wedding. If you get PG right away, AWESOME... if you don't, still awesome because then you can be a part of the wedding without worrying about ustaging the bride by going into labor.
That said, if you do get PG right away and still want to be a part of the wedding, talk to the bride honestly and realistically. I had a bridesmaid who got PG and was due 2 weeks before the wedding. I was THRILLED for her and assumed that she would need to take on a different role or just be there as a guest... she insisted that she still wanted to be a bridesmaid and would be able to be there. I mean, insisted. Even told me it would hurt her feelings to be "cut" from the festivities, this is her second baby so she knows what to expect and will be fine. So we went along with planning for her to be in it, she helped pick out dresses, I helped pay for the dresses/shoes, I ordered personalized bridesmaids gifts, planned the programs, etc etc etc and not a month before the wedding she backed out. I was out $$$$ and at that point couldn't make arrangements to have someone else in the wedding party. Had to reprint the programs, was out the money for her altered dress... I was so upset. So, whatever happens.. be realistic and forthcoming with her. If you've been friends for so long, she should be understanding and happy for you and your good news.
The O'Baby Blog
I'd also consider how old you are. If I were under 30, I'd hold off for a cycle or two for a wedding. If I were over 35, especially if approaching 40, I would not hold off at all.
If the wedding is in the same place you live, you could still be in the wedding even if hugely pregnant or immediately postpartum. You just have to be okay with how you may feel or look and find out how the bride would feel if you had to bow out at the last minute.
I personally would not worry at all about a Christmas baby or about both kids having the same birthday. DD #2's due date was 14 days after DD #1's first birthday, and, while I hoped they would have different birthdays, I didn't think it would be a big deal if they did have the same birthday.
They ended up having birthdays nine days apart, which does have certain advantages, If they share mutual friends, we can have one big party rather than two smaller parties. The grandparents can do a birthday visit on the same trip. DH and I can get them a big shared present for birthdays as well as Christmas (something like a play kitchen, yard play set, etc that we would obviously not buy two of).
There is always going to be some reason to put off TTC. It's very hard to have the perfect due date. Even if you put off TTC for the wedding, you could be dealing with morning sickness/bedrest/etc.
It was 3 1/2 years between our starting TTC and DD #1's birth, so I am coming from the perspective of someone who just wanted to have a baby and stopped worrying at all about when I would be due. I certainly would not have planned to have kids 374 days apart, with birthdays in the hottest part of the summer.
I also wanted to add that you don't have to tour Singapore very much to get pregnant. I think we visited twice the month that DD #2 was conceived. Our timing wasn't even that great.
Ditto this. I would just go for it and whatever happens happens. Your friend will understand if you do end up having to miss the wedding.