Tough decision to make

amanda_holbird@hotmail.com · January 2012

I'm contemplating quitting my job by the end of April. Dh pretty much gave me the green light to do it. I've been at my job for going on 13 years. I love the people that I work for and they are very good to me. I work full time and cannot work part time due to the small size of my firm.

I'm having a hard time deciding if I should do this. I make good money and I know that the absence of my paycheck will affect us and cause us to have to really tighten things up and it's going to be a little hard to get use to a new way of life.

The biggest reason I'm thinking about quitting is that I'm tired of my boys being in daycare. They've been there since they were 10 weeks/13 weeks old. Ethan will be wrapping up pre-k at the end of April and the thought of putting him in another daycare bothers me. Unfortunately, I do not have any family to turn to for help so the only option would be a daycare type situation. I would like for him to enjoy his summers. I also don't want him to have to go to afterschool care once school starts over again.

So, I guess I just was wanting some advice from the ladies who worked full time and then decided to become SAHM. Are you happy with your decision? Are any of you planning on going back to work when your kids are older and start elementary school? I know I'm kind of doing things a little backwards...working while my kids were babies and then contemplating quitting when they are school age.

I told dh that I need to make my mind up by the end of January. If I choose to quit, I want to give around a 3 month notice in case my bosses would like to re-hire and have me train the new person.

Thanks, ladies.

susangilchrist · January 2012

I was a SPED teacher before Emma was born, and resigned right before I had her. I haven't regretted it for a second. I haven't missed a single milestone. I've been there for every "first" and love knowing that I'm the one that she's learning from during her most formulative years. I certainly miss the paycheck (we're living VERY modestly off of savings that I put away in preparation for staying at home), and am just now looking for something to do on weekends/summers to bring in a little extra income. I plan to go back for sure once they're in school, but may not be able to make it that far financially. It would kill me to put them in daycare. That's just me, and I know there's certainly nothing wrong with daycare. It's just not right for our family.

That.Just.Happened · January 2012

I quit a job that sounds similar to yours: I had been there a long time, small firm, amazing people that I loved and treated me wonderfully. I didn't quit to be a SAHM exactly, I quit in order to go into real estate, but part of the reason for that was so that when I did have kids I would be able to have a more flexible schedule and spend more time with them.

It was REALLY hard emotionally, as well as terrifying WRT the financial aspect of it. It was really tough mentally going from being an architect (people were always impressed with, took tons of schooling/training) to being a real estate agent (you don't even have to have a highschool diploma to do). But once I got over the pride issue and sort of released that, it has been absolutely wonderful and I am so glad I did it. I have an incredibly flexible schedule that allows me to stay home with E for the most part, only putting her in childcare one day a week so that I can go into the office.

I don't think you are necessarily doing it backwards. I have actually heard from a bunch of people that that it is exponentially more difficult to work once the kids are in school due to their schedules, vacations, extracurricular activities, etc.

I say, if you can swing it financially, go for it. You can always go back to work later if you want or if it isn't working out. If you have as good of a relationship with your current job as it sounds like, be totally honest with them and hopefully they will leave the door open for you in the future if possible.

Good luck, I know how scary it can be!

UGAbride · January 2012

That is certaintly a hard decision to make! I think if you are even considering it (and you know you'll be "ok" financially, in a way that you can accept), then you should try it...you can't get these years back, the chance to give your kids the kind of childhood you want for them. Not saying there's anything wrong with daycare, of course, some moms really really want to work...but since you are wishing you could be home, I'd definitely give it a try. Like the other poster said, you have a great relationship with your firm, so leaving on great terms with them could leave the door open if you decide it wasn't the best thing for your family. I will say that sometimes I WISH I could go to work for a little break, but the good days far, far outweigh the bad ones. The being thankful that I can be with my children, even when they are driving me crazy

BuckheadBride06 · January 2012

It's been a year since I quit my job from nursing and it's been the best thing for my family. There are a few times when I do miss working but mainly because I miss using my knowledge and work skills. I worked part time when I had Macy but it was very hard on my family life. I had to work some weekends and holidays plus be on call on top of my 12 +hour days. She would be so tired and cranky after daycare, and we didn't get to spend much time with her before bedtime. Now that I've been home for a year, I got to see Molly take her first step and see how much fun the girls have being around each other. Plus having two kids now, I do not miss having to call in sick all the time because one or both of my kids are sick.

If your DH gave you the okay and your family can mange it financially then I say do it. You can always go back if you need to. IMO the boys would benefit it more now that they are older. You can help with homework and take them to any sport or activities.

Mrs.Guz · January 2012

I don't think it will be something you'll regret. You can always go back to work, but you can never get these years back with your boys. I say, if you can swing it and you're willing to make the sacrifices, do it. I know it's scary, but it will be worth it.

But take my opinion for what it's worth. I had a job not a career before being a SAHM and my job would barely even cover childcare, so it was an easy decision for us.

tmhopkins13 · January 2012

I was actually facing this same thing I was quitting in August-we will be debt free except for our house then, but then our dream house went on the market so while we are still on track for that goal it just is going to take longer. All that being said Cassidy is going to be 13 and I've missed everything and I hate it!! She now calls me when she gets home to see what I want her to cook our family for dinner because I work too late. I want to be around for the rest of her school years and for all of the years for the boys. I will be doing it and not looking back and I'm content....do it do it now lol

Temp925407062502290 · January 2012

my reply is short and sweet. Do it. Your kids will benefit from it and so will you.

tracigator · January 2012

If you are able to do so and your DH gave you the go ahead, I'd go ahead and do it. Even on the days where the boys drive me up a wall, I treasure being home with them. I definitely miss my salary and I do miss using my brain (I was an HR Director) and I really miss the social interaction with adults but I love my kids more. You'll never regret spending more time with your kids but you'll always wonder "what if" if you decide to stay. Good luck with your decision. I know it's a hard one to make!

hthomas02 · January 2012

Do it! you can always go back to work if it doesn't work out.

our plan was always (god willing) to have three kids and for me to go back to work after the first was born and then stay home once the second was born, which is what we did. I honestly did not think I was going to like being at home. So much so that I completed my PMP certification after our first was born. I just really thought it wouldn't be for me. I do not regret the decision at all, I am so glad that I gave it a try, and *most* days I love my new job. I have no idea when I'll go back to work, but I do plan to do that, eventually. granted I still do wedding planning part-time (which was not my actual career pre-SAHM), so I have a little bit of something to keep my brain working and such. but I'll figure the rest out as it unfolds.

it doesn't hurt to try!

ascbride · January 2012

I am not a stay at home mom, but would give anything to be able to be one. DO IT! Absolutel do it if you can. Everyday when I drop my precious babies off at daycare I pray without ceasing for a miracle that God will grant me the opportunity to be with my girls. Like someone else said, work will always be there but your children's childhood will not. Best to you, what an absolute blessing you have to be with your children.

amanda_holbird@hotmail.com · January 2012

Thanks so much everyone for your responses. My dh and I were talking more about it last night and he's just so nervous at the thought of me quitting my job, but he also knows how important it is to me to be with them. We are planning on sitting down and really go over everything, look at things we really don't need, etc., and then going the next three months completely living off his income while I save mine. We shall see, though, but I'm hopeful that maybe I can become a SAHM. Even though I live on the southside, I may actually be able to finally drive up to Atlanta and meet up with some of you ladies for zoo outings, etc.

KT&John · January 2012

I am late to this, but just wanted to wish you peace as you finalize this decision. I still work 15 hours, but it was a big change financially for us. I know how scary it is to let go of a good, stable, full-time job!

The change has done a world of good for our family though. The weekdays had become somewhat of a drudgery and the weekends a mad dash to do all the stuff we didn't have time to do during the week. With me home so much more it gives us both more time to enjoy our kids.

slwprincess · January 2012

I feel for you. The decision to continue working full time has been something I have struggled with since before Gavin was born. There are times when I love working and there are times when I think its crazy and I desperately crave more time with my children. Back and forth back and forth. Technically, we could afford it. But it would be tight. But I feel like I am always going to be playing the what if game if I don't do it. I have a pretty strict policy of living a life of no regrets and I'm fairly certain this choice will end up on the regret side for me at some point. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like the way you are doing it is not backwards at all. I think our kids need us MORE once they start real school! Good luck girl- I must admit I kind of wish I was brave enough to do it too :-)

mrsd0907 · January 2012

Honestly if you can afford it, I'd say go for it. I agree with all the pp's saying it's something you won't ever regret. My DH stays at home and I work because it's what works best for us but we were in your same position when Parker was born and he said he wouldn't trade our situation for anything. I think what you're doing will be perfect because like you said, they get older and have more activities and need more time or carpooling so I definitely don't think you're doing it backwards. You're just doing what is best for your family.

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