November 2011 Moms

what is the hardest part?

now that we have been moms for about 6 to 10 weeks...what is the hardest part for you? Was it what you expected?

I am tempted to say the sleep deprivation (not sleeping more than 2 hours in a row is very difficult...) but it honestly I think it's not knowing what do to. DS had a cold last week, still does, and I agonized over if I should take him to the doctor or not.

I think all children should come with an instruction book! It's especially hard for me because I don't live near family or have many friends here yet.

So what about for you, what is the most difficult part of being a parent for you?

b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

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Re: what is the hardest part?

  • For me it has been trying to go places. It's hard to plan around when DS is hungry and if we are about to leave but he should be hungry in the next hour I just wait. I don't want to be out at Target or whatever when he's hungry. The lack of sleep was rough at the beginning but he has gotten much better!
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  • imagebeedawn:
    For me it has been trying to go places. It's hard to plan around when DS is hungry and if we are about to leave but he should be hungry in the next hour I just wait. I don't want to be out at Target or whatever when he's hungry. The lack of sleep was rough at the beginning but he has gotten much better!

    This exactly!  I've been trying to go out and do things more but it's so hard to plan things in the 2/2.5 hour window I have between nursing.  I feel like he always ends up having a melt down in the car at some point because he's hungry.  I've pulled over in parking lots a few times now to nurse because I can't stand to hear him cry.  :( 

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  • For me it has been trying to get things like grocery shopping done.  If I send DH, he comes back with junk, 1/2 the list, and spends way too much.  I run into the problem of DD's feeding schedule.  I have found it impossible to make it out the door quickly after a feeding and it takes me 15+ minutes to make it to the grocery store.  By the time I get there, on a great day, I have to be quick, esp. if I plan to stop by multiple places.

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  • imagesara622:

    imagebeedawn:
    For me it has been trying to go places. It's hard to plan around when DS is hungry and if we are about to leave but he should be hungry in the next hour I just wait. I don't want to be out at Target or whatever when he's hungry. The lack of sleep was rough at the beginning but he has gotten much better!

    This exactly!  I've been trying to go out and do things more but it's so hard to plan things in the 2/2.5 hour window I have between nursing.  I feel like he always ends up having a melt down in the car at some point because he's hungry.  I've pulled over in parking lots a few times now to nurse because I can't stand to hear him cry.  :( 

    Are you nervous to nurse in public? my son eats frequently but I just feed him wherever we go, sometimes in the car if that is the option, but I also feed him in stores and restaurants..

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

    image

  • For me its trying to wake up at night. The first 6 weeks I must had been running off new mom adrenaline. Now I have to beg DH to get up at night. The first few weeks the hardest part was not knowing what to do, but i am able to read her better and she thankfuly never cries.

    Lately its been trying to get her to go to sleep. She wants to be up 10 hours straight a day or doesnt want to go to bed until 11 pm which im working on getting her out of. Id say its pretty hard enforcing a routine, I never did it before and am not sure if im doing it right :/

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  • The hardest part is taking Phin places.  He needs so much stuff and we always have to factor in extra time.  Between the diaper bag and stroller and my breast pump and a cooler (if we're going to be gone awhile), it's like we're going on vacation.  This weekend we had a few errands to run at the mall (about 2 hours worth).  It took nearly 4 hours because Phin got hungry.  I am not comfortable NIP, so I had to take him to the car and feed him.  I love having him out and about, but it's a lot of work and definitely the hardest.
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  • 1. Sleep deprivation - I just don't function well on these short sleep spurts.

    2. Getting out of the house - I'm nervous to NIP but know I need to get over it if I'm going to EBF and have some sort of life.

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  • The hardest part for me is not being able to get anything done lol. Just cleaning the house has been difficult to do since LO did not want to be put down at all for a while. Now I am starting to be able to juggle the two, but it's a big adjustment to make. 
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  • 1. Dealing with PPD.

    2. As much as I hate to admit this..missing my old life =/

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  • Being out and about is the trickiest part for me, too. Mainly that whole eating schedule messing with me. Addy is great in the car and in public unless she starts getting hungry. The chunky little monster goes from just fine to screaming hungry in about 2 minutes flat.

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  • Honestly, we've got a little routine going at this point. So right now the hardest part to me is lecturing the grandparents or DH exactly how I want things done and taking a deep breath and letting them do it their way too. But mentally that stresses the heck out of me.
    Raising a threenager since 11/11
    Baby boy #2 due 5/6/15
  • The hardest part for me is getting her down in the evening. Once she goes to sleep, we're good and the middle-of-the-night feedings don't take too long. But getting her down for the first leg of the night sometimes takes until midnight, 1am, 2am or even 3am.

    Finding time to do things like dishes, laundry, cooking, and straightening up has been another challenge for me. I end up "wearing" LO for most of the day and I still have a hard time negotiating these chores with a baby strapped around my front.

     

    Mom to E, 11/2011 - Severe egg & dairy allergies, soy intolerance *** Stepmom to G, 2001
  • Getting our DD to sleep all the way through the night...she has been in the cusp for the past two weeks, but between the holidays & overnight visits from grandparents, it has strung it out as her schedule was all over the place.  So, now me & DH have to be better advocates & take her away when we know that it's time for bed.  I've had a lot of anxiety over her sleep, but I truly feel now it stems from information overload!  Every book tells you something different & it made me feel guilty for not following timelines, etc.  I have had to learn to take things in stride & use my instincts. 

    Also, not so much getting out of house, but having reasons to go out without spending tons of $$. It was easy during the hustle & bustle of the holidays, but now is dragging & I miss the adult interaction a bit.  Also, getting anxious about going back to work in 4 weeks...that will be another huge change for me & DD.  I get tears when cuddling with her & knowing I will not be with her as much.  Bittersweet for sure!

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  • The hardest part for me has easily been breastfeeding.  We've just had one issue after another from the start, from a poor latch and bruised/cracked/sore nipples, to using and weaning from a nipple shield, to oversupply/forceful letdown and now reflux and DD being uncomfortable at the breast.  I'm still working on the letdown, reflux and discomfort.  If we don't get the hang of this soon, I'm throwing in the towel and it absolutely breaks my heart to think about doing that.

    Second has been sleep deprivation.  I've always needed a good 8-9 hours a night to feel rested and I haven't had that since well before I have birth (thank you pregnancy insomnia).  I'd just about give my left arm for one good night's sleep right now. 

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    Toddler Turtle - November 2011
    Baby Turtle - November 2014

     
  • I totally agree with everything everyone has written. I also tend to focus on everything I think I'm doing wrong instead of being proud of everything I'm doing right.
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  • imageArcadianDreams:
    Honestly, we've got a little routine going at this point. So right now the hardest part to me is lecturing the grandparents or DH exactly how I want things done and taking a deep breath and letting them do it their way too. But mentally that stresses the heck out of me.

    This is it for me too.  I want everyone to care for DS "my way" since I know it works, and I don't want them to bother trying it their way only to have it end in a melt down.  I'm not comfortable leaving my LO because of this and I need to get over it!

    DS 11.24.11
    MMC 3.30.16
  • imagemonkeys2gether:

    Getting our DD to sleep all the way through the night...she has been in the cusp for the past two weeks, but between the holidays & overnight visits from grandparents, it has strung it out as her schedule was all over the place.  

    a baby of that age shouldn't be sleeping through the night..they need to eat more frequently due to their little tummies. I know it sucks, my six week old BF every 2 hours but it's the way it needs to be right now..

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

    image

  • Hardest part right now is figuring out her reflux issues and getting her to nap in the crib. I think I have a fast letdown which adds to her reflux, and waking up during sleep with stuff come back up from her tummy among startling herself as well. She doesn't want to nap at home in the crib, but will nap in PnP at sitter's, of course.

    Also hard is the rush pace now that I'm back at work when DH and I get home. Between fixing dinner, cleaning bottles/pump parts, minimal cleaning as needed, DD's bed routine, getting everything ready for the next day and showering, there's little down time.

    And not working out!! I miss it so! There's just NO time. I've given up and going to wait a few mo. Sigh... I just can't have it all right now, and I'm accepting that.
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  • Trying to juggle it all....especially getting laundry done!  And, most importantly, trying to give my boys enough attention.  That's been hard.
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  • The PPD and anxiety over going back to work. The changing of everything, life isn't what it used to be. I miss my old life, I wish I could have the days of coming and going as I please back again. I wish friends without kids would understand what it's like, I hate having relationships end. Everything seems really hard right now, especially the lack of sleep. My LO likes to wake up and stay up in the middle of the night which equalls a bad time for mom and dad!

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  • imagejb2rn:
    imagesara622:

    imagebeedawn:
    For me it has been trying to go places. It's hard to plan around when DS is hungry and if we are about to leave but he should be hungry in the next hour I just wait. I don't want to be out at Target or whatever when he's hungry. The lack of sleep was rough at the beginning but he has gotten much better!

    This exactly!  I've been trying to go out and do things more but it's so hard to plan things in the 2/2.5 hour window I have between nursing.  I feel like he always ends up having a melt down in the car at some point because he's hungry.  I've pulled over in parking lots a few times now to nurse because I can't stand to hear him cry.  :( 

    Are you nervous to nurse in public? my son eats frequently but I just feed him wherever we go, sometimes in the car if that is the option, but I also feed him in stores and restaurants..

    I hadn't really thought about it but I guess I am a little nervous about NIP.  I'm totally fine in the car.  We haven't even attempted going out to eat yet so that hasn't come up but I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable.  I guess I need to get over it!  Do you use and kind of cover-up or do you just go for it?  My sister gave me something called a hooter-hider but I haven't had a reason to use it yet.

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  • 1. Dealing with DD's reflux.  We get one aspect resolved and it causes another problem or only lasts 2 weeks.  It is so frustrating.  She doesn't scream or cry, but I know she is in pain/uncomfortable.

    2. Taking 2 kids out by myself, it is exhausting.  Thank goodness DD#1 listens well! 

     

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  • 1. Evening fussiness

    2. Paying for daycare and the impact on our overall budget

    3. Not having the as much (or any) alone time with DH

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  • From the beginning, it has always had something to do with some aspect of sleeping..the lack of sleep for me in the beginning to trying to get ds to sleep some where other than on me to going to sleep at night to napping during the day. And the lack of spark between dh and I. 
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  • imagejb2rn:

    I think all children should come with an instruction book! It's especially hard for me because I don't live near family or have many friends here yet.

    Not living near family and friends

    Guilt about not breastfeeding/my milk not coming in

    Trying to figure out how to handle the constant pain my son seems to be in from gas

    Dealing with colic

    Feeling like an awful mom because when DS cries for 12 hours straight, I don't enjoy being a mom

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  • Wow.  Yet again I thank my November mommies for helping me not feel completely alone and guilty for the thoughts I have.  You have pretty much summed it up for me, too.

    1)  Just generally knowing what to do with DD- and hating that I don't.

    2)  Missing what I had before her and what DH and I did and were able to do.  I "miss" him...know what I mean?

    3)  The lack of sleep.  It sucks.  I'm not good at it and I get physical symptoms of the deprivation.  I think that about 80% of my tears have been because of the sleep deprivation.

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  • 1)  Waking up in the middle of the night.  I usually don't feel too tired during the day, even after a sleepless night, but it's really hard during the night!

    2) Not knowing if I'm doing things right.  Is she really hungry again?  Am I feeding her too much?  She's grunting - is she in pain?  She woke up - is she cold?  Gassy?

     3) Feeling like I can't do anything because I can't put her down.  Baby wearing helps but still hard to do a lot.

     And the hardest: 

    4) Missing my mom...she passed away when I was pregnant after a short and unexpected battle with cancer.  She never got to be a grandma, and there are so many questions I'd love to ask her.  I wish she could have known me as a mom. 

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  • DD has to be held ALL the time, even to sleep. Not only does she have to be held, she has to be moving around (walked/rocked/bounced). I'm supposed to be working from home and it's just not happening. I would kill to be able to put her down at night so my DH and I can just hang out together.
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  • It's been really hard for me to accept that my needs aren't a priority because I need to care for LO first. I don't consider myself to be very selfish, but I suppose I am because it's been a very hard adjustment for me. 

    Adjusting to our new roles as Mom and Dad as well as Husband and Wife. I miss having time alone with my DH.

    Adjusting to the differences my husband and I have with parenting. I'm not talking CIO vs. not, or religious upbringing... but the little things, like whether or not PJs should have a zipper, or if LO should go to sleep in a swaddle or sleep sack, or to white noise or her seahorse. I feel like we disagree about every. little. thing. I know it's just stress and sleep deprivation, but I really hope it gets better.

    So, I guess to sum it up, "adjusting" overall to being a mom... my needs taking the backseat to my baby's... and my relationship with my husband taking a backseat to the raising of my child.  

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  • For me it is how time consuming a baby is.  From feeding, diaper change and getting ready to out the door takes about two hours.

    Another thing is how annoying it is to carry the carseat everywhere (or to unstrap and restrap LO in it).  I love having my LO as safe as possible, but it makes checking mail etc. into a chore.

    I love having my LO along with all the challenges it brings!

    "Read the books, don
  • I worry about every little thing in regards to my baby. I think I'm way too overprotective. It is easy to drive yourself crazy trying to do everything perfectly. 

    I also am sleep deprived but it's not so much from LO waking up in the night as it is the above. I am even worrying in my dreams. I didn't sleep at all the night after she went to her one and only day of daycare. Last night I was worried that her shots did something bad to her and I couldn't quit thinking about it. I dreamed about talking to her home care provider about it. I wish I could just stop and relax.

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  • I am dealing with the baby stuff and the lack of sleep okay, I guess I just miss my alone time. I am also having a hard time with my DH. He's a great dadd, but for some reason things that didn't annoy me before really annoy me now. Maybe the lack of sleep takes away my patience, maybe it's the hormones, but I guess I give all my sweetness to the baby, and only have bitchiness left over for my husband. That also means I have no desire for sex whatsoever. I was cleared for takeoff almost 2 weeks ago, but I have no desire at all. 
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  • imagenicababy:

    1)  Waking up in the middle of the night.  I usually don't feel too tired during the day, even after a sleepless night, but it's really hard during the night!

    2) Not knowing if I'm doing things right.  Is she really hungry again?  Am I feeding her too much?  She's grunting - is she in pain?  She woke up - is she cold?  Gassy?

     3) Feeling like I can't do anything because I can't put her down.  Baby wearing helps but still hard to do a lot.

     And the hardest: 

    4) Missing my mom...she passed away when I was pregnant after a short and unexpected battle with cancer.  She never got to be a grandma, and there are so many questions I'd love to ask her.  I wish she could have known me as a mom. 

    I am SO sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine how hard this has been for you.  Makes my "hards" sound minimal.  You are in my thoughts!

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  • imageadri77:
    imagenicababy:

    1)  Waking up in the middle of the night.  I usually don't feel too tired during the day, even after a sleepless night, but it's really hard during the night!

    2) Not knowing if I'm doing things right.  Is she really hungry again?  Am I feeding her too much?  She's grunting - is she in pain?  She woke up - is she cold?  Gassy?

     3) Feeling like I can't do anything because I can't put her down.  Baby wearing helps but still hard to do a lot.

     And the hardest: 

    4) Missing my mom...she passed away when I was pregnant after a short and unexpected battle with cancer.  She never got to be a grandma, and there are so many questions I'd love to ask her.  I wish she could have known me as a mom. 

    I am SO sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine how hard this has been for you.  Makes my "hards" sound minimal.  You are in my thoughts!

    Second this. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Mom to E, 11/2011 - Severe egg & dairy allergies, soy intolerance *** Stepmom to G, 2001
  • imagejb2rn:
    imagemonkeys2gether:

    Getting our DD to sleep all the way through the night...she has been in the cusp for the past two weeks, but between the holidays & overnight visits from grandparents, it has strung it out as her schedule was all over the place.  

    a baby of that age shouldn't be sleeping through the night..they need to eat more frequently due to their little tummies. I know it sucks, my six week old BF every 2 hours but it's the way it needs to be right now..

    That's not necessarily true. Once LO was back to his birth weight, our pedi told us not to wake to feed. We have a good sleeper and he would do 5-6 hour stretches consistently from the beginning. Sometimes more.

     For me, it's not being able to get up and go like we used to. Like, I used to just decide "oh I'll go to the mall" and hop in the car. Now, our days have to be planned out, or it takes an extra hour of prep time to go anywhere.

     

     

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  • imagelittlewinnie15:

    That's not necessarily true. Once LO was back to his birth weight, our pedi told us not to wake to feed. We have a good sleeper and he would do 5-6 hour stretches consistently from the beginning. Sometimes more.

    Same here. Ever since we stopped waking to feed at 2 1/2 weeks DD has slept 6-9 hours a night. Pedi said it is fine and that they will eat more during the day to make up for it which she does she pretty much eats all day long lol.

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  • I definitely agree with everyone about going for outings.  Sometimes it's just too much work to get her all packed up and getting her stroller out of the car (the stupid thing is heavy!) or putting her in the bjorn, so I don't get out a lot.  But I think the hardest part for me is making sure I'm eating enough and eating good food.  I miss the convenience of my work cafeteria where I could grab fruit or put a salad together.  It's hard to eat regularly throughout the day, and I end up being really hungry and reaching for something not very healthy.

    I also have a hard time with how fast the day goes by and I don't get anything done around the house. 

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  • imagesara622:
    imagejb2rn:
    imagesara622:

    imagebeedawn:
    For me it has been trying to go places. It's hard to plan around when DS is hungry and if we are about to leave but he should be hungry in the next hour I just wait. I don't want to be out at Target or whatever when he's hungry. The lack of sleep was rough at the beginning but he has gotten much better!

    This exactly!  I've been trying to go out and do things more but it's so hard to plan things in the 2/2.5 hour window I have between nursing.  I feel like he always ends up having a melt down in the car at some point because he's hungry.  I've pulled over in parking lots a few times now to nurse because I can't stand to hear him cry.  :( 

    Are you nervous to nurse in public? my son eats frequently but I just feed him wherever we go, sometimes in the car if that is the option, but I also feed him in stores and restaurants..

    I hadn't really thought about it but I guess I am a little nervous about NIP.  I'm totally fine in the car.  We haven't even attempted going out to eat yet so that hasn't come up but I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable.  I guess I need to get over it!  Do you use and kind of cover-up or do you just go for it?  My sister gave me something called a hooter-hider but I haven't had a reason to use it yet.

    i use a blanket and find noone really even looks at me...

    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

    image

  • I'm a STM, and the hardest part for me has been when I have to take them both somewhere alone.  I'm really good with just one or the other, but things like grocery shopping with both is just difficult.  DS is very well behaved in public, but learning to juggle them in public has been a serious learning curve.  Especially when I need to NIP and still watch DS.
    Mc 6/2/08 at 6w2d * CP 11/22/08 * CP 1/21/09 - Dx compound heterozygous MTHFR 3/23/09 - BFP 3/24/09
  • Breastfeeding in public...actually, I didn't know how nervous I was about this until I had a dream last night-- I could not find a good, private place to nurse and there were sport's balls flying through the air, lots of games going on around me, no where alone in the building...lol, it was silly.

    How everything changes all the time! I think I know what she can do...and the next minute it changes!

    That when we are out somewhere, she fights sleep sooo much! She won't sleep in our arms for more than 10 minutes, so we have to bring the pack-n-play so she can sleep peacefully like she always does on her back. I keep trying to get her to sleep in my arms, but she has none of it! Independent little one. :)

     

    But overall, I don't have many problems. I am very happy right now!! :) 

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