Thinking about putting off TTC....

mindingpandq · January 2012

Hi... so I am thinking about putting off TTC for a couple reasons. The biggest is that I am hoping to get a full time job in the next month or so and would like benefits to kick in and for my job to be protected. I think you need to be employed for a year for Family Leave to apply. My concern - I will be 35 in June. I am already neurotic about the whole pregnancy and after the miscarriage, I have to work to convince myself that all my eggs aren't "bad". Any of you/partners conceived after 35... what are your thoughts/experiences. Thanks ladies.

JLRHNR · January 2012

I say get to trying as soon as you can, girl! Smile

I myself will be 29 with this birth, but I do know plenty of women who have had successful pregnancies at 35 and over. Stay positive, make time for YOU during this process, and remember we are all here for you two!

Keep us updated!

ball.and.chain · January 2012

You are correct that FMLA doesn't apply until you've worked for your employer for 12 months. Any paid parental leave your potential employer offers on top of that may not kick in for a year, either -- I know that is the case at my firm.

That said, lots of women get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies after 35. My cousin's wife had a healthy pregnancy and daughter after 40. I admit that at 33+, I also have concerns about age and I would personally hesitate to put off TTC myself, so I understand where you're coming from. But it all depends on what your financial situation is now and what would happen to your family if you lost your job while pregnant/with a newborn. A pregnancy after 35 might be healthier for you than trying to conceive now when you are already stressed out and dealing with the job stuff on top of that.

Good luck with your decision!

LV1979 · January 2012

I have had to do a lot of this TTC delay soul searching myself. I am starting my MSW this Monday and was planning on taking over TTC in March for DW but we have decided to delay 6 months so that I am not potentially in labor during finals.

It was really hard making this choice because waiting sucks and we will both be 33 this year. DW is going to try a few more times this summer and I will take over for a few more tries in the fall. Head say delay and the heart is screaming please dont wait. My vote is follow your brain on this one and do what is right for your family that is already here.

JoySeattle · January 2012

As someone who started and then put off ttc for (over) two years now, I will say that it was hard, but a really good decision for us. When we started TTC it seemed like a great time to do so in some ways (in terms of when to have a baby) but in reality was horrible (in terms of ttc and stress). We stepped back and postponed (so hard) but it saved us from having a little one when C was laid off unexpectedly and then unemployed for a bit (and still under-employed).*

I also am much healthier now than I was then. I think this and low stress** are crucial, even more so than age alone.

I know many late 30s/early-mid 40s women having babies; and yes, while some have used ART, it's not as huge of a concern if you already are considering at least some aspects of that path.

I personally would rather be more financially stable, with better benefits/more time off postpartum. I'd ask myself, given a number of possible scenarios, what feels right? what am I willing to do if plan A, B, C... doesn't work? what will I regret more?

One other thing to consider is getting some basic hormone labs done. I had this done a couple years ago (earlier than recommended both in the process and based on my age) and it was reassuring. You could always factor that into your decision-making.

*not that we wouldn't have made it all work, but money concerns are also hugely stressful for me and

**stress can be harmful during pregnancy and some link it to longer-term concerns with the child

2moms2twins · January 2012

yes yes yes Over 35 crowd here. WE are both of "ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE " gotta love the HUGE AMA On the charts.

That being said M was 36 when she had DOS BABIES and I am about to turn 36 in a few days and we want to use my eggs but DOS BABIES are only 6 months old in 5 days .. so its still early. We have a ton of friends who TTC who are much older than us. Some had a harder time than others. Our friend was 42 and it was tough but overall successful my sister was 37 and did IUI (freshsperm ) and it was successful we have a friend who is 43 about to share her eggs with her partner so is possible and may be slightly more difficult - TTC to a crazy rollercoaste. regardless of what everyone else had, did or is doing you will do what is right for you.

- J

mindingpandq · January 2012

I always want to respond to each of you, but I will just say this since all of your words were super encouraging and supportive. Sometimes, I just need the reassurance that others are also making these decisions even if they are 35 or over. I think we will wait until June (fingers crossed I start new work in February). As PP stated - I am already doing better healthwise and I am sure that by June, I will pleased with many things in my life (health, work, finances). Thanks again ladies... much appreciated.

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