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Venting...

Emilia0101Emilia0101
in Military Families

So this is me venting feel free to ignore ;) 

It seems like with a TDY/Deployment etc you can just not win in the public opinion poll. If you are strong you are viewed as not caring, if you are weak you are judged for falling apart. For other military spouses you can't say what you really feel because it becomes a one up game with..... I raise your 6 month deployment and play my 15 month deployment with no phone contact or skype. If you talk to a civilian spouse they say "I don't know HOW you do it?" what are you suppose to say well if I had a choice I wouldn't be doing it. Or they say I totally understand last month my husband was out of town for 5 days!  I get they are trying to empathize but still. Ok.... off my rant ;)

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Re: Venting...

  • AnchoredByLoveAnchoredByLove member
    I think I know how you feel.  My husband has been deployed 3 times.  Yes, the first one sucked and I was in the "weak" category.  But the other 2 deployments were much "easier" I guess you would say because I learned a lot about myself during the first deployment (and all the other shorter separations that lead up to a deployment).  It's very strange trying to explain to people that the last 2 deployments "weren't that bad."  I found a great group of friends and some best friends that supported me and spent my time with.  I got interested in some great hobbies, worked out a lot, worked full time, spent some great time with my dog at puppy classes, and went out to eat/sightseeing at all the places where we lived that I wanted to do.  Did I still miss my husband tremendously?!  Of course!  Would I have preferred him to be home with me instead of deployed?!  Of course!  But I made the best out of a bad situation.  And only let myself cry the day he deployed and then only on really really really really bad days after that.  Hahaha.  I try not to let what other people think about how I handle deployments bother me.  I only want my husband to understand that while I miss him tremendously and wish he was home with me, my life has to go on and I might as well make the best of it.  :o)  His opinion is the only one that matters.  And I find that him knowing I'm doing well and fine at home makes his job easier overseas.  :o)

    TTC since Jan 2011

    Proud Navy Wife

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  • Emilia0101Emilia0101

    imageAnchoredByLove:
    I think I know how you feel.  My husband has been deployed 3 times.  Yes, the first one sucked and I was in the "weak" category.  But the other 2 deployments were much "easier" I guess you would say because I learned a lot about myself during the first deployment (and all the other shorter separations that lead up to a deployment).  It's very strange trying to explain to people that the last 2 deployments "weren't that bad."  I found a great group of friends and some best friends that supported me and spent my time with.  I got interested in some great hobbies, worked out a lot, worked full time, spent some great time with my dog at puppy classes, and went out to eat/sightseeing at all the places where we lived that I wanted to do.  Did I still miss my husband tremendously?!  Of course!  Would I have preferred him to be home with me instead of deployed?!  Of course!  But I made the best out of a bad situation.  And only let myself cry the day he deployed and then only on really really really really bad days after that.  Hahaha.  I try not to let what other people think about how I handle deployments bother me.  I only want my husband to understand that while I miss him tremendously and wish he was home with me, my life has to go on and I might as well make the best of it.  :o)  His opinion is the only one that matters.  And I find that him knowing I'm doing well and fine at home makes his job easier overseas.  :o)

     

    I couldn't agree more :) I needed to read this :) 

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  • adreajoyadreajoy member

    I agree and learned pretty early just not to talk about it (especially while it was going on) because it just pissed me off.

    I talk to my dogs about how much I miss husband when he's gone :)

     

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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member

    imagesamg20:
    I know how you feel, you just can't win!  Even my husband is judged for the way he feels about his deployments (mostly by civilians).  He likes to be deployed and do his job, it's exciting for him!  The extra money helps too...haha. 

    This is us. People think we don't love each other because we're not whining about how hard it is. I think my H's job is super cool. The only thing I hate about it is that he gets to do his super cool job in Afghanistan while I work in an office. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
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  • Joie80Joie80 member
    imageadreajoy:

    I agree and learned pretty early just not to talk about it (especially while it was going on) because it just pissed me off.

    I talk to my dogs about how much I miss husband when he's gone :)

     

    This is my first experience (DH's 3rd), and I have struggled quite a bit. I'm also in an area with absolutely no military community and I find that it's best to just keep my mouth shut.I end up getting pissed because I feel very misunderstood. I thought about getting a dog....seriously

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  • DualMilitaryFamilyDualMilitaryFamily

    I think it really depends. Air Defense for example only deploys to places like Qatar and Kuwait which are vacation deployments compared to where infantry deploys or Special Forces would deploy. There are so many variables that unless you know everyones personal situation then you won't really know how hard it may be on the spouse or family. I've had a lot of people ask me how I could leave my children to deploy since my husband and I will both be going but it's my job. I'm not saying it's easy for me but it's just the way it is.  

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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    imagesamg20:
    imageWishIcouldbeinthe'stan:

    imagesamg20:
    I know how you feel, you just can't win!  Even my husband is judged for the way he feels about his deployments (mostly by civilians).  He likes to be deployed and do his job, it's exciting for him!  The extra money helps too...haha. 

    This is us. People think we don't love each other because we're not whining about how hard it is. I think my H's job is super cool. The only thing I hate about it is that he gets to do his super cool job in Afghanistan while I work in an office. 

     

    I love your tagline at the bottom, now that's good situational awareness!  You must have seen some AFN commercials in your life....

    Haha, I've only seen AFN ads on youtube. But my father was a peace officer, and taught me about situational awareness from the time I could talk. He would quiz me on licence plates, car colors, etc. And we always sat in the corner. People make fun of me all the time, and who got to sit in the corner was an early point of contention for H and me, lol, so I said that to him on the phone a few weeks ago, after I had been watching a bunch of HC videos.

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
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