Help! What to call non-bio mom?

imagine9988 · January 2012

Hi everyone,

My partner and I are expecting twin boys in a few short weeks. She is the one carrying the babies and they'll call her "mom." But I still have no idea what they should call me. I'm not a big fan of "mommy" since it will outgrow them after a few years. Any suggestions?

Thank you!

2mommiesinoh · January 2012

We wanted to go mom (DW) and mommy (me, bio) but Ky calls DW dada. I am sure as she gets older it might change and not everyone is comfortable with that but it makes DW happy.

imagine9988 · January 2012

Thanks! I'm sure they'll probably choose their own name for me at some point, too.

2brides · January 2012

We also have twin boys and in the beginning we interchanged mom/mommy and thought they would figure out what to call us.

When they started calling DP "other mom" we changed to Mom (her - (non-bio) - though it is inconsequential in this) and Mommy (me). If they want one of us specifically, they use Mom/Mommy - but if they don't care or if DP isn't around, they call me Mom.

Mrs._F · January 2012

We have always referee to ourselves as Mommy and Mama to our DS. When he first started saying words, he had a period where he called me Mum mum and my wife Mama. Now he's calling is both Mama, and often uses pointing to clarify which one.

I think once kids are "too old" for mommy or Mama, they are old enough to come up with their own solutions.

I had also heard of "Maddy" which i think is cute. Or Baba.

bluedaisyus · January 2012

my wife is Mommy and I'm Mama. he still calls both of us Mama because his speech is still very much developing, but he knows which of us is which. we'll see what he does once he can really differentiate with speech.

imagine9988 · January 2012

Thanks! I've heard of Baba before, too, and that may be a good choice. It seems like mommy/mama are the most popular among all the people I've talked to. Maybe mommy has more longevity than I thought. I'll definitely consider it.

nevr2amazin · January 2012

Our twins finally have Mommy (DW--bio Mom) and Mama (me) down. I know that they finally have us right (we still sometimes mess up

). I am sure it will change to Mom and Mama as they grow older.

ssg73 · January 2012

I am Mama and dw is Mommy. She called us both mama for a while even though we always called us by different names. On a side note one of my students (I teach 6th grade) still calls one Mom Mommy and the other Mama. It is cute and she has been told (her Mama is a friend of mine) that she can call her Mom is she wants but she still calls her Mama. I think it is cute. Also I still call my Mom Mummy or Mum.

jennandmel1024 · January 2012

Our son is 7 weeks old so he doesn't call us anything yet. We refer to ourselves as mommy (me) and mama (my partner). We decided that we would go by this for now and when he's older he can choose what he wants to call us.

2moms2twins · January 2012

we have twin girls they are only 6month but we go by Mommy (me) and Mama (biological Mom) it was mainly because people did not know how to refer to us ... Now they know .. I am Jewish and my dad is isralie so I am toying with having the girls call me IMA eventually ... We refer to our selves ad "THE MOMS"

Lots of names and languages to choose from ..

Mama

Mommy

Meema

Meemo

Mum

Mummy

Ima

Moddy ( mix of mom daddy I believe)

Maddy (same as above)

Madre ( spanish)

omma ( i think german)

anya ( hungarian )

MOTHER LANGUAGE

MA

Mame

jeannkerricotober09 · January 2012

N is only 3 months but we had planned to refer to me (bio) as mama and K as mommy now we talk to him and confuse them, she will say 'go see mommy!' and I will say 'Mama's home!' so we are failing at our own plan

eh - I figure he will decide when it is time.

ball.and.chain · January 2012

I don't have kids so can't speak from experience -- however I don't think anyone's thrown this one out there yet so I thought I'd post. I know a couple who go by Mommy and Mummy. It seems like it would be confusing but it never has been for their son. I like the fact that as he grows up, he can switch to Mom/Mum without much adjustment, and for that reason it's something I would consider for future kids.

seahorse mama · January 2012

I'm Mama/Mommy/Mom and my partner is Mimi. That works and is different enough from mama/mommy. Another couple also uses Mama/Baba but our sweet pea calls her bottle "baba" still. Mimi is also quite close to my partner's name.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

ctbride08 · January 2012

my oldest interchanges mommy/mom/mama for us, especially if there is only one of us around - if he needs to clarify he'll call us 'Mommy Firstname'

My toddler calls me mommy and my wife mama (previousy she was dada).

My littlest isnt talking yet, but i'm pretty sure she calls my wife gaga

Basically we let the kids call us whatever they wish as long as its respectful.

2moms2twins · January 2012

ctbride08:
my oldest interchanges mommy/mom/mama for us, especially if there is only one of us around - if he needs to clarify he'll call us 'Mommy Firstname'
Basically we let the kids call us whatever they wish as long as its respectful.

CT help me figure this issue I have out as you seem to be the one who can shed light on it ....... I just cant get over my child calling me Mommy Jay ... and I will say the thought of this makes me cringe. The reason for me being - How many children of heterosexual couples do i know that call their mommy (first name ) or Daddy (first name) and also because i knew if I ever wanted to piss my parents off I would call them by their first name and that was ( to me and them ) one of the most disrespectful thing I could do ...Ironically at Christmas M's brother was visiting with us and called their mom by her first name and she nearly got up from her chair and smacked him and very STERNLY said its MOM to you ! hahah which I agree but I have a hard time with the MOMMY/MAMA first name. and I always thought it was just my parents who had issues with the first name bit but recently i see it affected M's mom also ... does it feel weird to you at all when they say MOMMY (firstname) at all or did it ever?

- thanks

J

mindingpandq · January 2012

We are mommy (birth mom) and Momma (other mom). We have friends who are Mom/Mommy/Mama (birth mom) and Tutu (like as in Mama Two - non-birth mom).

mindingpandq · January 2012

jeannkerricotober09:
N is only 3 months but we had planned to refer to me (bio) as mama and K as mommy now we talk to him and confuse them, she will say 'go see mommy!' and I will say 'Mama's home!' so we are failing at our own plan eh - I figure he will decide when it is time.

This made me laugh... I remember when LO was an infant, we used to confuse our names all the time too. Now she calls us by the correct names and we always get it right . Our families have finally cauight on too although it took a long time!!! LOL

JLRHNR · January 2012

We go by "mama first name" for both of us. For the longest time, this made me think of Tina and Bette being called mama T & mama B and how "Mama T & Mama B don't make mad, passionate love to one another...they make cookies." Lol...hope everyone gets that reference

hlke · January 2012

Random thoughts that may or may not help:

I am 31 and still mostly call my mom "mommy". Sometimes I call her "Firstname Mommy" to differentiate her from my sister who also goes by "mommy" these days. Only very occasionally does it occur to me most people think this is funny/cute/not age appropriate.

Kids are good at figuring out their own solutions to the naming issue. My mom really wanted to be called "grandma" by her granddaughter, but little A had other ideas and called her "Manga". It stuck and I'm pretty sure my kids will call her Manga too. Little A has no idea what any of these names mean - her three grandmas are "Manga", "Nonna", and "Bibi" and I'm pretty sure she thinks all three words mean "people who I get to visit who spoil me".

TwoGreen81 · January 2012

*Visiting from TheNest*

We do not yet have children but we have already decided when we do, I will be Mama and my DW will be Mimi. Her name is Amy and all the kids I have ever watched (i'm a nanny) have always called her Mimi. I think it's just cute

I linger over here a lot and I figured i'd chime in

TwoGreen81 · January 2012

JLRHNR:
We go by "mama first name" for both of us. For the longest time, this made me think of Tina and Bette being called mama T & mama B and how "Mama T & Mama B don't make mad, passionate love to one another...they make cookies." Lol...hope everyone gets that reference

LOVE this I miss the L word! We loved that idea but with 2 names that start with A we can't do mama A and mama A lol.

Fabi&Nita · January 2012

We talked about it and we like Mama for my DW (she is carrying) and Mami for me. I feel that our baby will pick up any name as long as they hear it. If you say go to Mami, Mama or any name they will know that's what they should call you.

ctbride08 · January 2012

2moms2twins:

does it feel weird to you at all when they say MOMMY (firstname) at all or did it ever?

Nope, for a few reasons...

a) its a perfectly practical solution to the issue

b) he actually has 3 moms (well, 4 if you count his previous foster mom) and at some point including first names is just easier than trying to keep mommy/mama/mom/ect straight all the time

c) I never necessarily expected him to call me "mom" at all. I introduced myself to him as "Miss Firstname" which he chose to change to "Mommy Firstname" on his own

2moms2twins · January 2012

ctbride08:
2moms2twins:

does it feel weird to you at all when they say MOMMY (firstname) at all or did it ever?

Nope, for a few reasons...

a) its a perfectly practical solution to the issue

b) he actually has 3 moms (well, 4 if you count his previous foster mom) and at some point including first names is just easier than trying to keep mommy/mama/mom/ect straight all the time

c) I never necessarily expected him to call me "mom" at all. I introduced myself to him as "Miss Firstname" which he chose to change to "Mommy Firstname" on his own

ok so yes I see the practicality and this makes sense in that situation - but if the situation was different and he only had 2 ( you and your DW) does that change it for you or make a difference?

Thanks

ctbride08 · January 2012

2moms2twins:
ctbride08:

2moms2twins:

does it feel weird to you at all when they say MOMMY (firstname) at all or did it ever?

Nope, for a few reasons...

a) its a perfectly practical solution to the issue

b) he actually has 3 moms (well, 4 if you count his previous foster mom) and at some point including first names is just easier than trying to keep mommy/mama/mom/ect straight all the time

c) I never necessarily expected him to call me "mom" at all. I introduced myself to him as "Miss Firstname" which he chose to change to "Mommy Firstname" on his own

ok so yes I see the practicality and this makes sense in that situation - but if the situation was different and he only had 2 ( you and your DW) does that change it for you or make a difference?

Thanks

I've been thinking about it and cant really come up with a situation where I wouldn't be okay with it. I mean, its just a name - a label - and children dont see it nearly as much of an emotionally-charged thing as we do.

I can see where it may be a little off-putting at first, but whats more important to me is allowing my children the space/trust/opportunity to decide what its right for them. And not just in coming up with a name for me, but in everything possible (in a blink, they are going to be calling all the shots and I'd rather them have a lot of experience doing it w/ me by their side before they are doing it on their own!). I still just see it as a perfectly reasonable solution to the issue.

Also, respect is a very important thing in my house...and trust me, my kids calling me 'Mommy Elise' doesnt deminish an iota of the respect they have and show for me.

TryingToGrow · January 2012

I love the name Elise. Lol

We don't have kids yet but with our fur babies we're Mommy (her) and Momma (I). It wasn't hard to decide because I'm from the south where we say Momma instead of Mommy and that never changes and my wife, even though she's 23 and her mother won't speak to her she still calls her Mommy, which I'll admit, I find odd but whatever. I can say go to mommy and our husky goes to J and if she says go to momma shel'll come to me

ashes1010 · January 2012

I also go by Mommy (bio-mom) and my partner goes by Mom. I figure that the girls will come up with their own names for us soon enough

ps. Congrats on the boys! Twins are awesome

citygirl311 · January 2012

does it matter? when you guys break up she'll have custody anyway. happens all the time. i wish gay couples would stop adding children to their relationships. they are not created by the both of you, they are added like throw pillows on a couch.

TwoGreen81 · January 2012

Is that really necessary??

mrl02 · January 2012

That's so funny....that's what we are using too. My wife is Mom/Mommy. I carried our son and will go by Mimi since that has been a nickname used by many in my extended family for me. We shall see what he decides, but that is out thinking right now.

TaylorandMel · January 2012

citygirl311:
does it matter? when you guys break up she'll have custody anyway. happens all the time. i wish gay couples would stop adding children to their relationships. they are not created by the both of you, they are added like throw pillows on a couch.

Does it not matter how heterosexual parents have their children address them either, since 50% (or more) of heterosexual marriage ends in divorce? Get real and stop spreading hate.

2moms2twins · January 2012

TaylorandMel:
citygirl311:
does it matter? when you guys break up she'll have custody anyway. happens all the time. i wish gay couples would stop adding children to their relationships. they are not created by the both of you, they are added like throw pillows on a couch.
Does it not matter how heterosexual parents have their children address them either, since 50% (or more) of heterosexual marriage ends in divorce? Get real and stop spreading hate.

Thank you Taylor .. and ditto STOP SPREADING HATE

citygirl311 · January 2012

its not hate, but its true. same sex relationships have a much higher rate of separation than divorced straight couples do. why does it matter what the kid calls you...either way you are setting them up for a lifetime of ridicule by having them announce they have 2 moms. its not hate, its just my opinion that unless you cant procreate together, you shouldnt bring children into this world. there are enough kids needing adoption so why cant you help one of them out inside of adding to the problem. only one mom can be on the birth certificate so what are you going to do when the relationship ends? leave another kid with one parent, just like straight couples.

TaylorandMel · January 2012

citygirl311:
its not hate, but its true. same sex relationships have a much higher rate of separation than divorced straight couples do. why does it matter what the kid calls you...either way you are setting them up for a lifetime of ridicule by having them announce they have 2 moms. its not hate, its just my opinion that unless you cant procreate together, you shouldnt bring children into this world. there are enough kids needing adoption so why cant you help one of them out inside of adding to the problem. only one mom can be on the birth certificate so what are you going to do when the relationship ends? leave another kid with one parent, just like straight couples.

A. Speaking against people (for no apparent reason) in a negative way is spreading hate.

B. Please show us the evidence that same sex relationships have a "much higher rate of separation," because I don't buy it for even 1 second.

C. 2 moms can be on the birth certificate. It's called second parent adoption. Once that is finalized, a new birth certificate is issued with both PARENTS names on it. Therefore they have equal rights to the child, same as any straight couple.

D. If you're so worried about kids being "[set] up for a lifetime of ridicule by having them announce they have 2 moms," then maybe you should be using your time to teach tolerance and love to people (like yourself) who are spreading hate---See letter A above.

In the future, please do your research before sounding off on topics of which you're not educated. End of story. Thanks!

citygirl311 · January 2012

TaylorandMel:

citygirl311:
its not hate, but its true. same sex relationships have a much higher rate of separation than divorced straight couples do. why does it matter what the kid calls you...either way you are setting them up for a lifetime of ridicule by having them announce they have 2 moms. its not hate, its just my opinion that unless you cant procreate together, you shouldnt bring children into this world. there are enough kids needing adoption so why cant you help one of them out inside of adding to the problem. only one mom can be on the birth certificate so what are you going to do when the relationship ends? leave another kid with one parent, just like straight couples.

A. Speaking against people (for no apparent reason) in a negative way is spreading hate.

B. Please show us the evidence that same sex relationships have a "much higher rate of separation," because I don't buy it for even 1 second.

C. 2 moms can be on the birth certificate. It's called second parent adoption. Once that is finalized, a new birth certificate is issued with both PARENTS names on it. Therefore they have equal rights to the child, same as any straight couple.

D. If you're so worried about kids being "[set] up for a lifetime of ridicule by having them announce they have 2 moms," then maybe you should be using your time to teach tolerance and love to people (like yourself) who are spreading hate---See letter A above.

In the future, please do your research before sounding off on topics of which you're not educated. End of story. Thanks!

it wasnt hate, but your just acting like a self righteous beotch. gay people want nothing more than to be accepted yet all they whine about is how they are treated differently. maybe if you'd stop trying to make everything a gay "right" there wouldnt be any issues. i feel sorry for any children you bring into this world...its disgusting to force a child to live a life they will be ridiculed for. cant wait for this gay trend to be over with...

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