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Upstate NY Babies
Do you and DH agree on disciplining?
Who does the main disciplining?
DH and I had a rough day yesterday, he was off and in a mood. He would yell at R for something and then put him in time out if he didn't stop. Since I am with R 100% of the time, I tried to help dh understand how time out should work. I usually correct R and redirect, I will do this 2-3 times and then offer a warning. "If you don't stop doing XYZ, you will have to sit in time out". This usually stops the behavior. Dh didn't offer a warning and I wasn't ok with that.
He was also knit picking and I was getting super irritated. Stop putting your hands in your mouth (R is getting his last molar), your not a baby. Don't put your pizza on the napkin, put it on your plate (dh had his on a paper towel). Don't walk through the mulch....don't go back there......don't play with that stick.
Seriously, I was loosing it! Let the kid be! We were outside and he was wearing boots.....let him play. I did let him know I was not please, and he came back with "I can't do anything right". Ugh
Does your dh try to discipline different than you or are you on the same page? I try and pick my battles and allow R some freedom to explore and learn. I step in if he is not listening, being rude, or could get hurt. Dh seems to want him to act older than 2.5.
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Re: Do you and DH agree on disciplining?
DH and I are about 95% on the same page. There are things we obviously do differently. I have more patience with Evan too (for the most part) I am more of a give him a chance/give him choices and DH is more do what I tell you because I said so (to a point)
For example- yesterday we were eating dinner and Evan kept wanting to get up and go play with his toys. I told him he couldn't play until he was done w/ his food and asked him if he was finished. He said "no, just leave my dinner there" so I said if he still wanted to eat he had to come join us at the dinner table and he could bring one toy to sit with him. This went on for most of our dinner (him getting down, saying he still wanted to eat, freaking out if I tried to take his plate away etc) DH was getting annoyed, so he simply just said "Evan come sit at the table if you want more to eat, if not you are all done" I feel bad taking away his food if he's still hungry though... even though he did eat a lot already. He threw a minor fit, but then played happily the rest of the night!
We also read each other extremely well. If I'm doing something with Evan and he's being difficult and I might start to snap at him DH will step in and tell me to take a break. And vice versa. Yesterday I worked and when I got home I could tell DH was beat... they played outside all day and took down the Christmas stuff, and E wouldn't nap so he was getting cranky. When I got home I told DH to go in the spare room and play guitar for a while so he could unwind.
Yes and no. It has been a difficult road for us to figure out discipline for Tyler. We are finally at a point where we can go from Time-outs bring about time-out to recollect and calm down to time-out being a real punishment. DH is jumping head first into time out being a punishment, but I still am lingering on it being a time to regroup. Our situation is much different though because of the way Ty over reacts to every thing. Brianna reacts in a much more normal but still over the top, we think it is learned from Ty rather than something bigger, so we tend to be more on the same page with her.
But also, I am completely against double standards especially in kids under school age. I think toddlers and preschooler rely on learning through example and it sends a negative message when kids are punished for doing the same thing the adult is doing. So the pizza on a napkin should have been DH correcting himself and correcting R in a positive way by example. I think it would have been a great teaching moment for R for DH to have said, "Ya know what? Daddy made a mistake. Let's both go use our plates correctly. Sometimes we all make mistakes but it is important to do the right thing when we realize it" I am also all for playing with sticks, rocks and dirt. Mulch can be played with and in as long as it stays in the mulch area. I think all that is exploration.
We're on the same page for the most part, though we haven't really had to do a lot of it yet (though I know it's coming soon.)
One thing we did agree on is to not correct the other one's parenting in front of our kids. So, even if I think he's disciplining for something stupid, or vice versa, if he says no, it's a no. I'm not gonna say it is okay after he says no. We want for our kids to grow up knowing that we are on the same page and that they aren't gonna play us to get what they want. We're also both against spanking.