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Dealing with the Negative

rhythmdancegarhythmdancega
in 1st Trimester

My husband and I have tried to get pregnant with the support of our families. Well, we got pregnant and shared the news at each of the family Christmas gatherings. We had a number of negative reactions, which is very surprising. My grandmother is very upset that I got pregnant and did not have a job (my husband and I planned it that way) and his sister and husband had a very negative reaction, not sure why as they have 2 healthy children.

Any advice on how to deal with it personally, how to help my husband through it and how to respond to them now that they have shown their a$$es??

Thanks!!

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Re: Dealing with the Negative

  • Areli71611Areli71611
    imageMrsSparklebottom:

    IMO the best thing to do is ignore them, IF their reasons are truly unfounded. You can't change their feelings towards your pregnancy. Chances are they will come around.

    If they have legit reasons for not being thrilled (you guys live in a car, borrow money to get by every month, one of you gets paid for sex, etc.) then I would listen to then and work on trying to change  your situation.

    Couldn't have said it better.

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  • reinedecajunreinedecajun member
    Agreed...enjoy your pregnancy!
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  • rhythmdancegarhythmdancega
    Nope! None of the above... We are making ends meet.... NEVER ask for money. They are VERY well off and would never dream of helping out. My husband says they are envious that he "lets" me stay at home. But I find that hard to believe being that they are more than financially stable... they all have jobs but none of them have to work.
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  • mstroud23mstroud23 member
    We haven't told any family yet, but ours will have negative reactions as well (not our first pregnancy-we've heard the reactions before). Our stand is going to be that either they support us or they don't-but we don't care to hear their negativity end of story.
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  • Areli71611Areli71611

    imagerhythmdancega:
    Nope! None of the above... We are making ends meet.... NEVER ask for money. They are VERY well off and would never dream of helping out. My husband says they are envious that he "lets" me stay at home. But I find that hard to believe being that they are more than financially stable... they all have jobs but none of them have to work.

    Then if that's the case, just let 'em stew over it, and enjoy your pregnancy. You can't change their attitudes, though it might set your minds at ease if you at least knew why they were behaving like this. Maybe asking what's up would help.

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  • rhythmdancegarhythmdancega
    Thanks y'all! I think I will give the BIL and SIL a "good letting alone". But my worries are how to handle my grandmother in the future... She is a big part of my life and I am just so surprised by her reaction. Boundaries will be a must! The insults will really fly when she finds out I am planning a home birth! BAH!
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  • Areli71611Areli71611

    imagerhythmdancega:
    Thanks y'all! I think I will give the BIL and SIL a "good letting alone". But my worries are how to handle my grandmother in the future... She is a big part of my life and I am just so surprised by her reaction. Boundaries will be a must! The insults will really fly when she finds out I am planning a home birth! BAH!

    Dealt with that from my parents the last time I was KU. I'd decided before TTC that we'd go with a midwife, at home (I want a water birth!). I presented them with all the research backing up my decision, and then let them know that if they want to talk about it, fine, but until they had a researched and proven rebuttal to all the points I gave, then my mind was set. They finally were okay with it, if not entirely sold on it, and have left me alone since.

    Of course, they don't yet know that I'm KU again, either...

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  • ARIES326ARIES326 member
    I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  Nothing sucks more than your family shitting on your parade.  The other day I gave my sister an update.  I was just telling her that I have my first OBgyn appoint Monday.  She's like, "So you're pregnant?"  I'm like, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I told you I was!"  Then she went on to say, "Well, I wouldn't have tried again after what happened..."  So because I had a loss last FEB/MARCH last year, my dumbass sister makes it known she doesn't think I should have tried again.  I was in disbelief!  I'm like, seriously?!  Whatever happened to I'll pray for you or I hope everything goes well this time!  Why couldn't she say that!  I told her I love my husband and if he wants more kids I'm going to keep trying!  Worst of all she started rambling about how my "diet" was the reason why that probably happened to me the last time!  My baby had a chromosomal anomaly and that has NOTHING to do with your diet.   I want to beat my sister up.  Anyway, she's the only family I've told and that's the support I have. 
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  • mstroud23mstroud23 member

    Oh mama! You are not alone in that boat of home birth! We haven't told our families yet-but I had casually mentioned to my mom and sister months (like back in June) ago that we would probably have a home birth and my mom looked at me like I would be killing my child. She then said that it didn't matter she would be there and I would be locked up in my room anyways so her presence shouldn't bother me. Charming, right? When we tell our families we're expecting we will also be telling them of our plans to have a home birth and that we aren't going to discuss it with anyone that opposes our choice who hasn't done the research.

    Depending on how old your grandma is, you may be able to remind her that she was born with a midwife. My dad's parents (1910s), and my mom's mom (1941 on a farm) were all born with midwives, and I plan to use that knowledge to my advantage.

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