Grandpa needs to learn a thing or two...

JimiKirkman · January 2012

Just got home from seeing my grandfather (91 yrs old) and telling him that we lost the baby. The man was heartless! He basically told me I'm too old to be having kids and need to focus on losing weight (I'm 34, 5'7 and pushing close to 200lbs) instead of having more kids. I just walked out of the house and drove the hr long trip home. Mind you, my grandfather was 40 when my mother was born. He was also where I got my "fat" genes, being a very big man himself.

DH (who smartly decided he had too many honey-do things to get done to go with) says that I should think of it as him not wanting me to follow the same mistakes he made, since he suffers from poor health from not taking care of himself all those yrs, and he also hates that he's a rich guy and we're ... well, we're not poor, but we're not buying ocean-front property in Naples, next to his condo anytime soon. Regardless, it was a mistake to go see him this soon after a loss.

Deethebee · January 2012

That sucks...I'm sorry he didn't give you the support you need. The elderly really have no filter, do they?

BBhopes15 · January 2012

I'm sorry you had to deal with an insensitive response ((HUGS))

bananers · January 2012

I'm sorry. What is it with grandparents feeling like they have earned the right to be rude and insensitive? We have dealt with that too. ((hugs))

jenada2011 · January 2012

((hugs)) sorry that your grandpa was so insensitiv.

amidkiff · January 2012

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. ((Big Hugs))

KGS2003 · January 2012

Sadly some people just don't have a sensitivity meter. I'm sorry your grandpa said that to you. (((hugs)))

SoCoGirl · January 2012

That wasn't nice at all. I don't think that he was right at all, and he shouldn't express his hurtful opinions so freely.

DH grew up in Naples- we won't be buying ocean front property there either. The price is a little steep.

shanrob · January 2012

Ugh. Here's what I am discovering: this is a broad generalization, but I think the older generation has much more of a "get over it, move on" attitude. Maybe our generation is more socially compassionate, who knows, but I have experienced this as well. Maybe it comes from living so long in a world that's unfair, but I have noticed older people don't regard pregnancy loss the same as we do. Weird.

katharine25 · January 2012

shanrob:
Ugh. Here's what I am discovering: this is a broad generalization, but I think the older generation has much more of a "get over it, move on" attitude. Maybe our generation is more socially compassionate, who knows, but I have experienced this as well. Maybe it comes from living so long in a world that's unfair, but I have noticed older people don't regard pregnancy loss the same as we do. Weird.

Ok, maybe... but.... no. I think really it has more to do with the fact that he has no understanding/basis of what you're going through. I've personally had aunts who are of way past retirement age who have had m/c ages ago tell me the most heartfelt I get what you're going through's. I think this has more to with the generalization that people who haven't gone through this experience have no idea what to say. Mix it in with a bit of senility and old age jaded-ness, that's where you get the cruel heartless statements. Hell, even without the agism, people still seem to really need f*cking foot in the mouth.

OP, I'm so sorry your grandfather is being a complete a$$. Big hugs sent your way!

lau1021 · January 2012

((hugs)) sorry u had to deal with that stupidity!

maxsom · January 2012

*hugs*

AngnShaun · January 2012

katharine25:
shanrob:
Ugh. Here's what I am discovering: this is a broad generalization, but I think the older generation has much more of a "get over it, move on" attitude. Maybe our generation is more socially compassionate, who knows, but I have experienced this as well. Maybe it comes from living so long in a world that's unfair, but I have noticed older people don't regard pregnancy loss the same as we do. Weird.

Ok, maybe... but.... no. I think really it has more to do with the fact that he has no understanding/basis of what you're going through. I've personally had aunts who are of way past retirement age who have had m/c ages ago tell me the most heartfelt I get what you're going through's. I think this has more to with the generalization that people who haven't gone through this experience have no idea what to say. Mix it in with a bit of senility and old age jaded-ness, that's where you get the cruel heartless statements. Hell, even without the agism, people still seem to really need f*cking foot in the mouth.
OP, I'm so sorry your grandfather is being a complete a$$. Big hugs sent your way!

I think its a combination of both. It doesnt make it ok, but thats just how some people are... It doesnt mean that you can tell them that they are being a jerk or an ass and how its really none of their biz...

Im sorry that he said that to you... {{HUGS}}