- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Short-selling house, moving in w/ inlaws, mother advice
I wasn't really sure where to post this but here goes.
We bought a house 5 yrs ago and now are very much under water. We need to transfer for my husbands job and to be closer to family. In order to do that we are short-selling our house. Due to this we are moving in with my inlaws for an extended period of time to build a new down payment & my husbands credit back up.
I'm fine with it, they have a huge house and after 8 years together (3 married) we are getting along better than ever (cross your fingers it continues). Well, my mom won't stop telling me to get out as soon as I can. It's really not helping me since we haven't even moved in yet. I keep trying to tell her that I realize it's a big sacrifice but it's also a huge gift and we need to be grateful and take advantage.
My mom doesn't take criticism well, at all. How do I tell her that she's making an already challenging situation worse? Part of me feels like if we were moving in with them none of this would be said either.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Short-selling house, moving in w/ inlaws, mother advice
Having lived with my parents due to a similar housing situation (we were waiting to buy a short-sale and it fell through...), I have to agree with your mom. I doesn't matter how well you get along with your inlaws or how big the house is. It is a huge gift and it's great you see it as such. I have a great relationship with both my parents and it was HORRIBLE. We had a very hard time dealing with not being parented ourselves and watching my parents parent our son. We all *tried* not to do that or let it happen, but I think it's just natural for them when their kids move back home. Maybe your parents won't be like that, but either way I do not recommend it. And if you have to, move out as soon as you can. All your relationships will be better for it in the end.
I currently live with my parents. (We've lived her since March and we're moving out at the end of this month.) It has worked... mostly. The only way I recommend it is if you have an excellent relationship and (more importantly) very good boundary setting abilities on both sides. Of course, that's not what you asked.
"Thank you for your advice mom, but this is the decision we've made. Please stop talking about it unless you can be supportive." And then ignore anything else she says about it. Hang up the phone if you need to.
We just did a short sale on an investment property that went bad. The entire process has taken over 6 months. It's a very long an frustrating process but so much better than foreclosure. I wish you lots of luck with it.
Also, my understanding is that your credit will be better in about 6 months after you get rid of the property. If you had very good credit to begin with, it doesn't go down as much as you'd think. So, just keep paying everything else on time and you'll bounce back.
As for living with your in-laws, I'm sure it will be tough, but you have to do what you ned to do to keep your family afloat. Set rules/boundaries ahead of time for everything--money, your LO, food, bills, etc. That will certainly help. As for your mom, tell her how hard this is on you and that you know it won't be easy. Tell her you really need her to be supportive. Hopefully she'll come around
ETA--I know short sales vary state to state and with different mortgage companies, but if you have any questions let me know. kchianchiano at aol is my email
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Andplusalso - From the research I've done, it takes (normally) a minimum of 3 years before your credit is back to pre-short sale levels. Meaning you may not be able to buy a house for 3 years.
Are you willing to live with your ILs for 3 years?
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
I would just rent. You won't be able to buy for a few years (3 I think) with a short sale on your credit anyway. It may take you longer to save a DP that way, but either way you will have to live with your ILs for 3 years or end up renting anyway.
Also, is it too late for your DH to negotiate a relocation package with his new company? Employers regularly assist with selling your house if you relocate for employment. That way maybe you don't have to short sell at all, and can buy a new house as soon as you save up your DP.
Thank you for the advice all.
Yes, 3 years is the norm for your credit to bounce back.
We aren't renting because we want to save as much money as possible to put down on a new house/build/do a gut-job renovation. Our last resort, if the situation is unbearable is to rent.
We currently live 1200 miles away from all friends and family and have been here for 5 years. Part of the reason we took the relocation is so we could finally get some help now that #2 is on the way.
I am realistic and realize living with my in laws will be a huge challenge but in the end my goal is to save enough to buy our "dream house" and put down enough to have a similar payment to what we have now. The only want to accomplish this is to keep focused on the ultimate goal, be grateful for the opportunity, and take it one day at a time.
My SIL & BIL have lived with my in laws for 5 years and are planning to build in the near future. My brother also moved in with his inlaws after getting married as they are building their dream home and are fortunate enough to pay off their land in the process before starting to build. I am trying to take these two situations into consideration and hope that it'll work, although there will be rough spots
Ultimately, I need my mother to be supportive as we are giving up a lot to move closer to them and my inlaws. Also, I think a part of her is jealous that we choose to live with my inlaws over them. My parent's house is 1100 sq ft and my inlaws house is over 4000 sq ft not including the basement so it's a no brainer.
They are providing some assistance - moving truck, paying for moving expenses, paid vacation to move, etc. but no they will not buy our house for us or anything like that. We've explored every other avenue at this point and are very deep in the process so at this point there is no turning back. It's a decision we made together and we've accepted the negative aspects that come along with it for the long term gain of being closer to family and furthering my husband's career.
If it were me, I would say "this moving process is really stressful to me and I am not up for talking about it right now." If she continues, "I don't want to talk about it but thank you for your input." And repeat, and repeat everytime she mentions it again.
DD - February 2011
This. A short-sale lowers your credit score 30-40 points. So if his credit was high enough to take the hit and still be in the mid 600's you may be able to buy sooner than you think.
GL!
Im not sure about your state laws but in Cali it's 2 years to reestablish your credit after a short sale IF it was extenuating circumstances such as job relocation, major medical/health/death, etc. This happened to my parents, they were able to buy a house two years to the day. In the meantime they lived with us. It was really great to have the extra hands around, but it was hard, we both live differently and when we had our disagreements it was tough. I would say my husband struggled the most, with it being his in laws. Tell your mom this is what you have to do for your family. Be a broken record, eventually she will get the point. Good luck to you in this situation. Make sure you get a good realtor and broker who is experienced in buying after a short sale, the laws are constantly changing!
6 or so years ago after our lease was up in apt we moved in with IL's(they were boyfreinds parents at that time we were not married yet) until we found a house. By the time we found one, bought it, remodeled we actually lived with them for probably 3 or 4 months. At times is was stressful but I have a great relationship with them and we really all got along really well. Last year when we decided to re-do hardwood floors a week long project turned into a month long project and we moved in with them again for that month. This time with LO. It was much harder with LO but again we had a fine experience and all got along. You know your relationship with your IL's better than anyone so if you think it can withstand it then just do it and ignore your mother. There may be some jealousy from her knowing that your IL's will get soooo much time with your LO. Plus she may feel bad that they are giving you this awesome opportunity to live with them and she isn't..... I personally would not waste money on rent when you can live with them and they are fine with it. However that only works with Great IL's!