Community› The Bump Month Clubs› March 2012 Moms
March 2012 Moms
New Discussion

I really need advice on this please!(MIL)

dareandlee323dareandlee323
in March 2012 Moms

So I am at a total loss on what to do. My soon to be mother in law seems to live on facebook, meaning constant status updates, comments, etc. Although I find that strange, I don't think twice about it .. until now. My fiance and I went to his parents house Christmas morning to spend some time with them before heading to my families house to spend the rest of the day/evening. We took some pictures in front of their tree which his mother put up on facebook. After many people left lovely comments (my family, friends, as well as her friends) she decided to write ..

 "thank you all even though I wish they were having a girl, but I guess since (insert my fiance's name) wanted a boy, it will be ok." 

 Now I let it go the first time she made the comment, and then last night, I recieved a notification that she wrote a similar comment for the SECOND time on ANOTHER picture of my fiance and I. Stating that she "always wanted a little girl, but she will try and enjoy this too."

I haven't said anything to my fiance yet about it (as it will cause and argument between the two of us for sure) but I did talk to my sister and parents about it. This is REALLY bothering me and I feel like telling her that she doesn't need to come around it my little boy is going to be an issue, and if she wants a little girl, go get pregnant or adopt or whatever is an option and have your own. This is OUR baby, not hers by any means, and its starting to really upset me with the rude comments and I'm not sure how much longer I can bite my tounge.

 

Sorry this is so long, I just really need all the advice I can get. Thanks in advance to everyone!!! 

BabyFruit Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: I really need advice on this please!(MIL)

  • paintmepaintme member
    What if you said " I know that you are going to love the baby and have a great relationship with him. I am just worried that someday he will be able to come across these messages and feel really bad. That is the bad thing about the internet, nothing really ever goes away. So, while I know that you are going to love and adore him, I don't want him to ever feel like you didn't want him". Blame the internet, not her. It might be a good way to stop it without saying she is doing something wrong. Instead say that your son may interpret it wrong if he sees it one day.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • jaypay8895jaypay8895

    Ah ha, you have one of THOSE future MILs!  Mine has said the same thing.  Surely, she's trying to be funny for her friends on facebook, don't worry about it.  Maybe tell her, "you wanted a girl too, but its your fiance's genes!"

    Since she's going to be your MIL, I wouldn't get her riled up.  Surely she'll love your DS the moment she see's him... but remind her that she's not allowed to dress him up like a girl!!

    Report Reply
  • Bella+DonnaBella+Donna
    Why would this cause an argument between you and your fiance?  Your MIL's statements are completely out of line.  This is an issue for your fiance to bring up to her.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • sfinchWed68665sfinchWed68665 member

    imageBella+Donna:
    Why would this cause an argument between you and your fiance?  Your MIL's statements are completely out of line.  This is an issue for your fiance to bring up to her.

    Exactly! She is being ridiculous and I would be so pissed. This has to be really bothering you so you need to bring it to your fiance's attention, you never know he might feel the same way after he see the comments. My mom really wanted me to have a girl because out of her 7 grandkids 5 of them are boys. As bad as she wanted a girl she never made one negative comment about us having a son. Im sure your soon to be MIL will love and adore him but she is crossing the line with her nasty comments.

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member

    My jaw literally dropped.  How insensitive!  Having a boy worked out pretty well for her, didn't it?  Ugh.  If it were my MIL, I'd write something like "Sorry I couldn't procreate the gender you ordered, it's your son's fault." or something biting and sarcastic like that, but, I'm a *** sometimes lol

    My motto with mothers in law has always been "his mother, his problem."  Have your fiance tell his mom her comments bother you.  Put the boundary in place now or she'll snarky comment you to death for your whole married life.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • psychgirl33psychgirl33 member

    imagepaintme:
    What if you said " I know that you are going to love the baby and have a great relationship with him. I am just worried that someday he will be able to come across these messages and feel really bad. That is the bad thing about the internet, nothing really ever goes away. So, while I know that you are going to love and adore him, I don't want him to ever feel like you didn't want him". Blame the internet, not her. It might be a good way to stop it without saying she is doing something wrong. Instead say that your son may interpret it wrong if he sees it one day.

    I personally would probably take this approach.  I mean, maybe if you just say something she might get it.  She probably really isn't meaning to say anything hurtful.

    Lots of love to my BFPB, Squishy622 <3

    photo 544b4365-b9ee-4805-ba08-f19896d25dae_zpsd8a0debb.jpgphoto ed61c23b-2bf9-4622-b870-072ac0970775_zpsa90b2a73.jpg
    image
    image
     
    Report Reply
  • caitlyn0216caitlyn0216

    "Im sorry, next time I will try conversing with the sperms beforehand to make sure the X ones know to keep swimming and the Y ones stay back..." Indifferent

    Like really, who is she? I'd tell her to off, but thats just me. I am sorry you are having to deal with her insensitivity. I couldn't imagine anyone in my family being anything but excited for WHATEVER sex our child was. As for your S/O, I don't know why it would cause an argument between the two of you. It's not like his mother is being super secretive about her gender disappointment... she's making it publicly known on facebook...

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • kris2131kris2131 member

    At least it was your MIL who made those comments and not your mom. My mom really really wanted LO to be a girl and she was highly disappointed when she found out he's a boy. We showed her the ultrasound pictures and said the dr said he was perfect and her response was "except for the genitals." And it didn't stop there. She also said she was never going to change his diaper because she didn't want to get peed on and she also said "well, I had all girls, so I guess my girls are destined to have the boys." 

    I know it's hard, but as soon as she holds that baby, she'll love him forever. At least that's what I'm counting on.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
    Report Reply
  • nola 1017nola 1017 member
    imageBella+Donna:
    Why would this cause an argument between you and your fiance?  Your MIL's statements are completely out of line.  This is an issue for your fiance to bring up to her.

    This!  My DH would be furious if his mother said something like that.  


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kiarstinkiarstin member
    I am with PP I would post, wow he would be really hurt if he knew how much his grandma didn't want him.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • betsy1486betsy1486
    What a b!tch move on her part. If she really really wanted a granddaughter, its ok to say it once and be honest and move on and be happy with a baby in general. But to keep bringing it up over and over-- what does that accomplish?? The baby's gender isn't going to magically change because she wills it to. My MIL has said several times she hopes we have a girl. My family doesn't find out the sex and stays team green. But all of her comments make my decision stronger, I won't find out. I am also afraid of something like this happening if I were to find out its a boy. I am sure your MIL (and mine) will love the baby no matter the gender, but it is incredibly frustrating to listen to and makes you wonder if the comments will stop after LO gets here. A few pp's have said that you saying something shouldn't cause an issue between you and your DH but if your H is like my FI, it would. He doesn't think anything his mom does is wrong or out of line, even though she can be incredibly out of line sometimes. I've fnally just started being really firm and assertive without room for argument with his mom. It works even better if my FI isn't in the room when it happens. She seems to have gotten the message that I will not budge on certain things. She also has stopped making comments to me about the baby's gender because I have told her more than once-- 'Whatever baby is won't change, so it is what it is' And I don't smile or look friendly when I say it. She got the hint.
    Report Reply
  • Mrs_MBedMrs_MBed

    My own mother has made the same comments about the boys - and I already have TWO daughters (and my sister has a little girl as well).  Its incredibly frustrating. 

    I don't really have any advice, as my situation was with my own mom, rather than MIL.  So I didn't have any problems telling her to knock that crap off.  Once your MIL meets your son, she'll forget about those comments and be totally head over heels with him. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member

    imagepaintme:
    What if you said " I know that you are going to love the baby and have a great relationship with him. I am just worried that someday he will be able to come across these messages and feel really bad. That is the bad thing about the internet, nothing really ever goes away. So, while I know that you are going to love and adore him, I don't want him to ever feel like you didn't want him". Blame the internet, not her. It might be a good way to stop it without saying she is doing something wrong. Instead say that your son may interpret it wrong if he sees it one day.

    As infuriating as her comments are, which would tempt me to say something really nasty to her, this is probably the better approach in the long run. But I would ask your husband to talk to her about it, not you.

    Report Reply
  • misiaca05misiaca05
    Amen! I found my long lost suffering sisters. I am in MIL HELL. I thought I was all alone. I am in hell.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"