seriously - what to do

2moms2twins · January 2012

I posted the following on FB as some of you may have seen it

How does said parents of twins do cry it out? How please let me know i have the Anti-napper very close in relation to the anti christ Five min of baby crying seems like a milliom years we r only 1 min in and im close to throwing in the towel am i the pushover mommy?

and received tons of comments- most people who know me know my sense of humor... anyhow my friend and co-worker just posted the following link under this post : https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

I am glad she did and read the article but knowing her and they type of mom and person she is I cant help but think that she did not mean this is a nice way and is totally judging me and my mothering skills. I will add that this woman is very resentful and jelous that M and I are a very connected team when it comes to our girls and well This person basically drove her partner out when their daughter was 9 months and then said to her partner ( my good good good friend) that if your not going to contribute financially to me or her then your out ...

Anyhow not sure how i am gonna respond to her comment as she is my coworker and well a friend kind of ...

-J

leapgirl8 · January 2012

I hesitate to comment too much since my babies are still in utero and I haven't read too much about sleep training - but that article seems pretty ridiculous. The studies cited mostly seem to be about neglected babies and traumatized babies. Oh, and a pamphlet from 1928 that says you shouldn't hold a baby once your arms get tired. Something of a reach. (I was 11 when my sister was born and I still remember how hard it was to let her cry it out. It SUCKED for the whole family. But it worked, and she has a normal brain and responds appropriately in social situations and somehow managed to not "waste away," as this article suggests she might have. Pbbbt.)

At any rate, I just wouldn't respond. You know she's likely to judge you because of her own situation, and nothing you say in response is going to change things between you for the better. I'm glad you have other friends who get your humor and can be, you know, supportive!

(Apparently when I say "I hesitate to comment too much," I mean, "Now here is this novel I wrote about your post.")

2brides · January 2012

We didn't CIO until the kids were 2y because L wouldn't do it (I was MORE than ready.) Finally at 2y, L was willing to do with Gray to get him to go to sleep at night alone (and not cuddled up with her on the guest bed.) And much to L's surprise it only took 2-3 days of screaming for 30m and he was still attached to us, learned how to fall asleep on his own, and 3+ years later seems well adjusted, is a great student, and still loves his moms! There is a huge difference between CIO in a controlled environment and CIO while mom goes down the street to get a hit of crack.

Re: the article. Everyone has opinions about parenting: what to do for sleep, what to feed your kids, what time they should go to bed....seriously everything...and they aren't afraid to voice their opinion at every turn. It is your job as the parent to decide what is best for your kids and your family and trust your gut. And then if it doesn't work out, you are free to change whatever you are doing and try something else. I would ignore the comment.

Re: sleep. I would encourage you to get a few books on sleep and see which method sits the best with you. There are all kinds of books out there which range from letting your kids CIO for hours to rocking to sleep at every whimper. Check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, Sleep Lady Shuffle (FYI - this is what we did), Twelve Hours of Sleep by Twelve Weeks, Sleepless in America - these are some of the most popular books on sleep - and believe me with having 2 non-sleepers I read 'em all.

cookiemonster03 · January 2012

First, I'd ignore the comment. I agree with Leap re the limits of the study, etc.

Re CIO, we're not going to consider it full on until they're 6 mo adjusted (I believe you need to go by gestational age for sleep issues) but right now we do let them fuss for 5 or 10 min. If they're not out by then, it is futile.

ctbride08 · January 2012

Everyone's got an opinion - and I do think its wise to consider them all - but at the end of the day you have to know what is right for you and your family.

we are not a (traditional) CIO family...it doesnt work for us and the way we want to parent. Not to mention, it wouldnt work with 2 other children in the house (I'll take 1 awake child over 3!). But i'm in no position to say that its wrong for everyone.

2brides · January 2012

I didn't notice they weren't even 6m yet! We didn't get into a good napping pattern until the kids were closer to 7-8m. They never took long naps (no longer than 30m or so) until they went to one nap around 15m and then started sleeping 11-1 - and maintained that until well past 2.5y.

Mrs._F · January 2012

Definitely grab some sleep books if you are interested in learning about different methods. CIO is not all there is.

IMHO, 6 months is too young for CIO - i personally think CIO should be a last resort at any age - but at 6 months, your babies have no level of understanding that you are not coming to care for them because you are trying to "teach" them to sleep. They just know that they are upset and no one is coming. So you're not a pushover mommy, you're listening to your gut!

That being said, it sounds like your babies are just being 6 months old. It's very normal for babies of that age to not have a consistent nap routine. Over the next few months, she may find her nap groove all on her own. This happened with my DS and with two other babies I know that I can think of.

Meegs10.13.06 · January 2012

Mrs._F:
Definitely grab some sleep books if you are interested in learning about different methods. CIO is not all there is.

IMHO, 6 months is too young for CIO - i personally think CIO should be a last resort at any age - but at 6 months, your babies have no level of understanding that you are not coming to care for them because you are trying to "teach" them to sleep. They just know that they are upset and no one is coming. So you're not a pushover mommy, you're listening to your gut!

That being said, it sounds like your babies are just being 6 months old. It's very normal for babies of that age to not have a consistent nap routine. Over the next few months, she may find her nap groove all on her own. This happened with my DS and with two other babies I know that I can think of.

Seconding all of this.

seattlekari · January 2012

I'll second (or third) the above advice given. Your babes are still young, give them time to adjust, pay attention to their cues and give them lots of cuddles. They're still figuring out this great big world. You'll get to sleep training and a better schedule eventually but for now, just do what feels right for you and M as their mommies.

2moms2twins · January 2012

2brides:
We didn't CIO until the kids were 2y because L wouldn't do it (I was MORE than ready.) Finally at 2y, L was willing to do with Gray to get him to go to sleep at night alone (and not cuddled up with her on the guest bed.) And much to L's surprise it only took 2-3 days of screaming for 30m and he was still attached to us, learned how to fall asleep on his own, and 3+ years later seems well adjusted, is a great student, and still loves his moms! There is a huge difference between CIO in a controlled environment and CIO while mom goes down the street to get a hit of crack.
Re: the article. Everyone has opinions about parenting: what to do for sleep, what to feed your kids, what time they should go to bed....seriously everything...and they aren't afraid to voice their opinion at every turn. It is your job as the parent to decide what is best for your kids and your family and trust your gut. And then if it doesn't work out, you are free to change whatever you are doing and try something else. I would ignore the comment.
Re: sleep. I would encourage you to get a few books on sleep and see which method sits the best with you. There are all kinds of books out there which range from letting your kids CIO for hours to rocking to sleep at every whimper. Check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, Sleep Lady Shuffle (FYI - this is what we did), Twelve Hours of Sleep by Twelve Weeks, Sleepless in America - these are some of the most popular books on sleep - and believe me with having 2 non-sleepers I read 'em all.

Thanks 2brides I will check out some books... I have great sleepers at night they just hate to nap OK only one hates to nap and she will eventually fall asleep.. I am not complaining about my sleepers again as They sleep throught the night from 11pm -till 8 am .. YAY ... but napping during the day at specific times is a challenge but only for one - and as long as the paci stays in Lil's mouth we are all good but my Sloanie Pie fights till the BITTER end...

Thanks again-

2moms2twins · January 2012

leapgirl8:
I hesitate to comment too much since my babies are still in utero and I haven't read too much about sleep training - but that article seems pretty ridiculous. The studies cited mostly seem to be about neglected babies and traumatized babies. Oh, and a pamphlet from 1928 that says you shouldn't hold a baby once your arms get tired. Something of a reach. (I was 11 when my sister was born and I still remember how hard it was to let her cry it out. It SUCKED for the whole family. But it worked, and she has a normal brain and responds appropriately in social situations and somehow managed to not "waste away," as this article suggests she might have. Pbbbt.)
At any rate, I just wouldn't respond. You know she's likely to judge you because of her own situation, and nothing you say in response is going to change things between you for the better. I'm glad you have other friends who get your humor and can be, you know, supportive!
(Apparently when I say "I hesitate to comment too much," I mean, "Now here is this novel I wrote about your post.")

in utero or out in the world you can respond to me I dont mind as far as i am concerned you are deemed a parent even on the TTC route because most have a mind set and idea of what they would do - yes it can and may change ... and your post was right along side what i was thinking - I guess I was just amazed by her posting this as she is a Berkley grad and very smart or so i thought and i was astonished by the works cited also .... REALLY !

2moms2twins · January 2012

cookiemonster03:
First, I'd ignore the comment. I agree with Leap re the limits of the study, etc.
Re CIO, we're not going to consider it full on until they're 6 mo adjusted (I believe you need to go by gestational age for sleep issues) but right now we do let them fuss for 5 or 10 min. If they're not out by then, it is futile.

cookie the whole adjusted age things throws me off because our two were only 1 day shy of 37weeks... so essentially to term for twins ...so from what I think and how their Dr refers to them they do not require the adjusted age thing - AM I MISUNDERSTANDING SOMETHING?

-J

2moms2twins · January 2012

Mrs._F:
Definitely grab some sleep books if you are interested in learning about different methods. CIO is not all there is.

IMHO, 6 months is too young for CIO - i personally think CIO should be a last resort at any age - but at 6 months, your babies have no level of understanding that you are not coming to care for them because you are trying to "teach" them to sleep. They just know that they are upset and no one is coming. So you're not a pushover mommy, you're listening to your gut!

That being said, it sounds like your babies are just being 6 months old. It's very normal for babies of that age to not have a consistent nap routine. Over the next few months, she may find her nap groove all on her own. This happened with my DS and with two other babies I know that I can think of.

Oooh see I did not know that- hmm.. i hear you about the all babies are different. I decide for me CIO will be a 2-3 min thing i cant stand it ... and what more can i ask for they do sleep through the night ! THANK YOU UNIVERSE.

We did do lots of transitions in a short period too so maybe that is why she is a non napper - remove hands from swaddle and in their nursery and in their crib so... yeah Thanks for your insight

2moms2twins · January 2012

themommymonster:
We were never much of a CIO family, either. I could last about 5-10 minutes and then I caved. It didn't work for our family.

Based on your post yesterday, she wasn't napping. I will say that DS was a sucky napper as an infant. He would cat nap for 5 minutes here, 20 minutes there. He absolutely would not nap in his crib and only napped in his swing for ever. He was also never one of those babies who would take a morning and afternoon nap. He just wouldn't.

When we finally worked out a nap schedule, life was good. DS would nap, but only if he went down about 3 hours after he woke up in the morning (he was up at 8, down by 11). He would sleep for 2-3 hours and that was it. He would be up the rest of the day.

He is very... tricky. You had to watch his signs and get him down at exactly the right time. If you were too early, he wouldn't nap. If you were to late, he wouldn't nap. It sucked.

If they are STTN, they may only need one nap during the day. Every baby is different, though.

i do remember you saying this about your son... so true about everyone being different i will just play it by ear and really i am thrilled about the STTN even if napping is a few min long.. and i have to say that they are not horrible when they dont nap you can mainly just see it on their facec that they are SO SO SO TIRED.

Thanks MOMMYMONSTER

2moms2twins · January 2012

Thanks everyone I feel better - we were not really doing the sleep training thing as they sleep through the night and only Sloan is a horrible napper but they are not super fussy or cranky when they dont nap ... so I am okay with it .. I was more annoyed with my friends article and how someone so educated ( Or so I thougth) be so assholish

THANKS

norika33 · January 2012

2moms2twins:
Thanks 2brides I will check out some books... I have great sleepers at night they just hate to nap OK only one hates to nap and she will eventually fall asleep.. I am not complaining about my sleepers again as They sleep throught the night from 11pm -till 8 am .. YAY ... but napping during the day at specific times is a challenge but only for one - and as long as the paci stays in Lil's mouth we are all good but my Sloanie Pie fights till the BITTER end...
Thanks again-

My kids were terrible nappers too but great sleepers at night. Wait till they are more around 9mo to consider sleep training- and ours started going down eare at 6mo since they weren't napping well. They go down at 7 and sleep to 7 now with a total of 3 hours napping a day (2 separate naps usually).

Hang in there you can do it! Remember, every phase lasts 6weeks.

mindingpandq · January 2012

2moms2twins:

Thanks everyone I feel better - we were not really doing the sleep training thing as they sleep through the night and only Sloan is a horrible napper but they are not super fussy or cranky when they dont nap ... so I am okay with it .. I was more annoyed with my friends article and how someone so educated ( Or so I thougth) be so assholish

THANKS

I know you already got so many responses but I just have to say that lack of sleep and nap boycotts when you just need a little break in your day are so frustrating! Layne didn't nap until close to 18 months old. Prior to that she took 45 minute naps tops and woke up 3 - 4 times in the night. Now she is 2 and naps from 1 - 2 hours and wakes once in the early morning briefly. We did nothing but responded to her when she needed it, though we struggled with CIO and whether or not to do it. We ended up really just going with her needs even when it was making us nuts and I don't think we have regrets. Take care of yourself!

Want a personalized experience?

seriously - what to do

How does said parents of twins do cry it out? How please let me know i have the Anti-napper very close in relation to the anti christ Five min of baby crying seems like a milliom years we r only 1 min in and im close to throwing in the towel am i the pushover mommy?

Re: seriously - what to do

Choose Another Board

Search Boards