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February 2012 Moms
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UGH!!! I need to vent

swimgirl87swimgirl87
in February 2012 Moms

I am just so stressed out.  About a week ago I posted about how FI and I don't live in the same city and trying to fit our lives together is stressing me out.  I also mentioned that he didn't save as much money as he could and how he lets everything roll off his back.

Well now I am seriously upset.  We have decided to get a 2 bdr apartment now in my city so we can get it ready for the baby.  Well, a ton of places have GREAT deals going right now and I have spent what little time I have looking for apartments.  I work 30+ hours a week.  I go in at 11am every day and get out around 6pm.  So for most businesses I only have 2-3 hours in the morning to do stuff.  I also have 2 NSTs a week AND a doc appt, that are in my morning "free time".

Well FI was supposed to send me money for the rental application and deposit and he hasn't yet.  He keeps putting it off and always has an excuse.  He says we have plenty of time to figure this all out (we don't I am going to be induced in 2-3 weeks).  He is stressing me out.  We have NOTHING ready and I can't do anything until he gets off his lazy *** and helps me.  He is GREAT, I love him soooo much and he is going to be a great daddy.  But his lack of motivation and responsibility is driving me crazy.  I try to tell him that he is only adding more stress than I need to an already stressful situation.  I cry 2-3 times a day over this (although I know that is partly hormones).  But he just keeps saying "everything will work out" and not doing anything.  I ended up telling him that if he was going to keep being this way then me and the baby could do it without him.  He was upset so now we are kind of fighting.

This is so horrible and upsetting me so much.  Our baby boy is going to be here in a couple weeks and we should be happy and excited.  But I'm not because I have nothing prepared for this little boy and I'm upset with his daddy :-(  I love him so much and he is a GREAT guy in so many ways, but he is acting irressponsible and I don't want that to be what our life is like. 

*sigh* I just don't know what to do :-(

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Re: UGH!!! I need to vent

  • blueyedsweety28blueyedsweety28 member
    it is very hard to deal w/people who procrastinate and don't know how to save money .. ! you really shouldn't be stressing over this as much as you are .. I'm sure you already know that though.. but if you really want it to work .. you're going to have to be very persistant .. and/or give him an ultimatum .. unfortunately your options are becoming limited, your time is very limited .. might be time to start being a b**** .. or uhhh, I mean .. put your foot down .. !
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  • pinkshades05pinkshades05 member
    Wow! I hate to say this, but it sure sounds like he's not committed to the plan of moving into a 2-bedroom appt. If things aren't together by now, it would make them really difficult to be together by the time the baby comes. It may take more than a week to get a place, move your stuff in, get everything organized, and next thing you know--baby is there! I hope everything works out, though, even if it means you and your son won't have your FI around for a while.

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  • btartaroindbtartaroind member
    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. We moved Dec 2, and I am still organizing and getting things ready. It will be really difficult for you and DH if you only have 2-3 weeks before baby comes! My DH always makes comments about how things will "work out." Even though they normally do, there's no need to make it as stressful as possible beforehand. I HATE that saying. Anyway, hopefully you are able to get everything going soon, but try to take it easy. Since baby will most likely be sleeping in your room for a while, you still have time to get the nursery together. Good luck!

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  • Jillibean85Jillibean85

    imagepinkshades05:
    Wow! I hate to say this, but it sure sounds like he's not committed to the plan of moving into a 2-bedroom appt. If things aren't together by now, it would make them really difficult to be together by the time the baby comes. It may take more than a week to get a place, move your stuff in, get everything organized, and next thing you know--baby is there! I hope everything works out, though, even if it means you and your son won't have your FI around for a while.

    I agree here... If he was truly adimant (sp?) about it, you guys could make it work... You will always find a way to get what you truly want, and he doesn't sound motivated at all. If things are already frazzling and frustrating now, it's going to be 10x worse once baby comes, because that is just going to be additional stress on you, which is going to cause you to lash out even more at him, which will just push him even further away from wanting to move in all together =/ I think instead of being a b**** and nagging him, try to have a heart to heart with him to see if you can get his real feelings out about what's really going on, whether it be an emotional or purely financial road block, but SOMETHING is definitely up if he hasn't made any progress on moving and you're this close to having baby... I hope you can find a solution, I'm sorry you are stressing about this right now :(

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  • 2chatter2chatter member
    Just something to consider...leopards don't change their spots.  Your FI sounds a lot like my exh.  Ex for a lot of reasons, including an inability to prioritize tasks/expenses for our family.  The first six months it's easy to have the baby in your bedroom - is staying in your one bedroom and getting ready for baby there an option?  Then you don't have to stress about moving, if FI will step up, etc.  Less expense on the front side to give him time to either get on board with the whole supporting you/his family, or not...and you won't be stuck with a 2BR....
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  • swimgirl87swimgirl87
    imageJillibean85:

    imagepinkshades05:
    Wow! I hate to say this, but it sure sounds like he's not committed to the plan of moving into a 2-bedroom appt. If things aren't together by now, it would make them really difficult to be together by the time the baby comes. It may take more than a week to get a place, move your stuff in, get everything organized, and next thing you know--baby is there! I hope everything works out, though, even if it means you and your son won't have your FI around for a while.

    I agree here... If he was truly adimant (sp?) about it, you guys could make it work... You will always find a way to get what you truly want, and he doesn't sound motivated at all. If things are already frazzling and frustrating now, it's going to be 10x worse once baby comes, because that is just going to be additional stress on you, which is going to cause you to lash out even more at him, which will just push him even further away from wanting to move in all together =/ I think instead of being a b**** and nagging him, try to have a heart to heart with him to see if you can get his real feelings out about what's really going on, whether it be an emotional or purely financial road block, but SOMETHING is definitely up if he hasn't made any progress on moving and you're this close to having baby... I hope you can find a solution, I'm sorry you are stressing about this right now :(

     

    I asked him if anything else in particular was bothering him.  He said no he is just lazy and a screw up.  Which is true.  His sister is my best friend (that is how we met) and he has been like this his whole life.  He actually has improved SOOOOOO much in the last year, especially since we have found out about the pregnancy.  He keeps reminding me that he is growing up and becoming more responsible and that he has already come a long way.  He says to just trust that he is going to be the man, husband, and father we need him to be.  I honestly believe that he will be.  The problem is that I need him to be that now.  He has really come far though I will give him that. 

    He did end up getting the money to me and we signed for an apartment today :-D Move in next weekend.  It is going to be stressful I know but I would rather move now and have it halfway set up when Brenden arrives than to pack & move everything while trying to take care of a newborn. 

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