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How do you stay positive?

Tiffany0614Tiffany0614 member
in Adoption

We've been waiting for a placement for a year now. Our only one was last month for 10 days. We're currently working with an agency that places children who are placed with the state. I think if we went with a private agency, maybe we'd have better luck. But we really do want to adopt an older child (we'd also love an infant) and I didn't think that would happen with a private agency. Plus, the cost...

I'm getting so down about it all. I've stayed really positive over the past year, knowing something good will happen. I just don't know how to keep going. I want nothing more than to be a mommy. It just feels like maybe that won't happen for me. I had it for ten days and had to give up. 

I'm so upset with our current agency but we have very few options with where we live. How does everyone keep it together mentally and emotionally while you're waiting?

 


Me 30/DH 31 Married in June 2003. TTC since 2008. M/c in Nov. 2008. D/x: DOR and MFI 5 cycles of IUI in 2010. IVF #1 in Nov. 2011. ER 11/22. ET 11/25. BFN.
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Re: How do you stay positive?

  • Cissi64Cissi64

    I can't really give you any advice because our first placement came before our license was even offical.  They came and never left ( oldest DD and DS who came as toddlers and are now teens).  We actually did respite twice before that.  Private vs state is a tough call.  In Ky only the toughest to place kids end up with a private agency...which means they are older and generally have lots of issues.  I have seen other people post that their states are just the ooposite where the infants and toddlers with few problems are farmed out to private agencies and the hard to place kids are dealt with by the state.

    It all boils down to Foster care being a waiting game and a crap shoot when it comes to adoption with said crap shoot having the ability to rip your heart out.  I guess you and your DH need to reevaluate your goals and the way you expect to meet them. If you find you still want to go this route, maybe occupying your time with studying issues your future children might be dealing with ( grief ,RAD, drug exposure, etc) might be a productive way to ease the wait.  When we were FP, we had to have so many "in-service" hours every year anyway. It is much easier to do when you don't have a placement demanding your time, also.

    dd(Brianna) 11/01/94, ds(Bram)10/17/95, ds(Jesse)9/26/97, dd (Annie Ruth) 7/27/05 5mc Jan '08, May '08, Feb '09, Sept '09, Apr '11 "And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss of one weak creature makes a void in any heart, so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of vast eternity can fill it up." - Charles Dickens

    PAL/PGAL Welcome

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  • erinmc1erinmc1 member
    I've been cross-stitching.  It's slow work, and you have to concentrate hard.  I'm making a quilt for our future baby, and as soon as I finish a square, I start a new one.  It makes me feel like I'm doing something special for my baby, even though we haven't been matched yet.  So I guess my short answer is "busy work."  All the projects around the house that I know I won't have time for after we bring a baby home, hanging out with single friends who probably won't want to get together as much after we have a baby.  That sort of thing.
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  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member
    I am so sorry you are feeling so down.  I had a four year wait to have a placement.  I am a single woman who wanted to adopt from foster care.  I was assured that because I was successful, had a good home and all that good stuff that I shouldn't have to wait long, not to mention that my preferences were wide open, even to an older child or a child with some issues.  So after 4 years I finally get a call asking me if I want to be considered for this little boy 3 months old.  I thought oh yeah right, here we go again, another dissappointment.  Well after the meeting, I was called that I had been selected.  I couldn't believe it.  I finalized our adoption one week after his first birthday.  A friend of mine told me that I had to wait so long because he hadn't been born yet, and I truly believe that.  You have to realize that foster care is a total crap shoot.  You just never know.  Just keep thinking that your child is out there, whether or not they have been born yet. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that you will be united with your little one soon.
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  • Honeydew1894Honeydew1894
    Someone wise told me that everyday that goes by is another day closer to our baby.  That idea has helped me a lot.  
    Photobucket My Favorite Part of Spring~Red Sox Baseball!
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