Mom wants to babysit baby only, not toddler

sunandsand · January 2012

No less than 3x this week, my mom has said she wants to help me out by taking my 5 week old for an afternoon. But she's made it very clear she only wants DD. I get that my 2 to is a handful, but this bums me out. My son adores my mom and would be sad if we went there to drop her off and he didn't get to stay. DD still sleeps most of the day so I don't really need anyone to take her. If she just wants to cuddle her, she is more than welcome to come over, and we visit her house weekly so its not like she never sees her. If she truly wanted to help she would take DS so I could nap or something. I realize its not her job to watch my kids, I didn't ask and I've rarely asked in the past. It's just rubbing me the wrong way and I'm worried she will want to do it more in the future.

Zenya · January 2012

That's ridiculous. Who voluntarily leaves a 5 week old for no reason?!

eta: maybe I'm unusual? I didn't even take a nap without my baby at that age. Maybe the OP is not breastfeeding. All my kids did at that age was nurse.

surprise3rd · January 2012

Do your think your mom is thinking of giving you some one on one time with your older child like pp said? I would ask your mom. Also, I would take her up on it to do something special with your older child. I am sure she is coming from a 'wanting to help' place, but it does sound strange. The more 'helpful' suggestion would be to have your older child for the afternoon. If my mom lived close, I would take her up on it.

DevonPow · January 2012

Zenya:
That's ridiculous. Who voluntarily leaves a 5 week old for no reason?!
eta: maybe I'm unusual? I didn't even take a nap without my baby at that age. Maybe the OP is not breastfeeding. All my kids did at that age was nurse.

*Raises Hand*

I left DS1 at that age (well, at 6 weeks, but same difference). We had a part time nanny starting then so I could get out and have some me time. I BFd still at that point but we also had to supplement from Day 1 for various reasons. I juts left the nanny with bottles of pumped milk and formula if we ran out. I don;t think it is that odd.

OP - I agree with PP. I was actualy just setting up our tentative schedule with our part time nanny for after the baby is born, and my ideal is at first for her to come and watch the baby for a bit while I can go out and have some one on one time with DS1. I think that he will really need it at that point and hopefully it will help ease the transition for him. I do see where you are coming from, but I would take it as an opportunity now to spend quality time with your DS, and if it continues that she only wants to watch the baby in another month or so then have a conversation.

karen6784 · January 2012

Take advantage of her offer for help. Use the time to take your older DC to the park, lunch, and other activities. It will help your older DC deal with having a new (needy) sibling. It can be a real challenge for your older child to get used to a new baby.

Zenya · January 2012

Different strokes!

AnnapolisLari · January 2012

Zenya:

That's ridiculous. Who voluntarily leaves a 5 week old for no reason?!

eta: maybe I'm unusual? I didn't even take a nap without my baby at that age. Maybe the OP is not breastfeeding. All my kids did at that age was nurse.

There are a significant number of people who have to leave 6 week olds in daycare centers because they don't have more maternity leave. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that people leave a baby with a family member for some reason or another.

I didn't do it, either, but calling it ridiculous is a bit much.

Zenya · January 2012

AnnapolisLari:
Zenya:

That's ridiculous. Who voluntarily leaves a 5 week old for no reason?!

eta: maybe I'm unusual? I didn't even take a nap without my baby at that age. Maybe the OP is not breastfeeding. All my kids did at that age was nurse.

There are a significant number of people who have to leave 6 week olds in daycare centers because they don't have more maternity leave.

I know - that's why I said 'voluntarily'.

I agree it was wrong to call it ridiculous. I have had a tough night/morning. Katie is sick. I just think the OP's situation is odd. At that age I just couldn't have willingly dropped my baby off somewhere for an afternoon for a million reasons. I'm not talking about running out for an hour or whatever.

soontobemomma · January 2012

I think it is odd if you don't have to work or have anything pressing to leave a 5 week old. I wouldn't, but I did nurse. I think she could come over and help with the baby so you could do some stuff with your older DS at home. I personally wouldn't have been able to leave a 5 week old, even with my own mother, who I trust completely.

J&A2008 · January 2012

Take her up on it! She's had two years to bond with your DS. I know I love letting my mom take one of my kids off my hands for a bit. The one-on-one time is nice for her, and there's no way I'd tell her she had to take all of my kids or none at all.

EastCoastBride · January 2012

KitCat1:
I know my older daughter really craved time with just me after my younger daughter was born. I'd take her up on it and do something really fun with your older child.

I agree with this.

Also, I assume your mom had one on one time w/ your son at some point, right? maybe thats what she wants w/ the baby too- just time for her and the baby. If she has your son too, she can't focus on the baby.

Also, some people are baby people, some are kid people. I've come to realize, as my son gets older, I'm more of a kid person. But other people just love, love, LOVE little babies. (I like babies - but am always glad to hand them back!)

You're only 5 weeks in. Let her have a little time w/ the baby and see where this goes. If it really does start to become a bigger problem, then come back and talk again.

But I have heard of grandparents who take turns w/ their grandkids, specifically so that they can do some thing special w/ each child. Maybe that's what this will grow into.

buffalo_buckeye · January 2012

I would think it was strange if my mom/mil only wanted the baby too. But I'm pretty specific about telling them my needs, and I wasn't afraid to ask. I don't know if you are nursing, op, but at 5 weeks, it wasn't worth it to pump for a few hours out. And both my kids were snackers...eating every 45 minutes then napping 20...until about 12 weeks. I also thought the first 3 months were pretty easy to entertain ds bc dd didn't require much that I couldn't provide easily (holding, boob). Around 6-12 months I thought was hard as they both had "needs".

OP, don't be afraid to ask if you want some time. Your mom obviously wants to help! I would just thank her for her offer, but ask if she could help take ds for an afternoon instead and then stop by to see the baby for a bit. That way she gets to see both kids 1 on 1.

sunandsand · January 2012

I EP, so I pump every 2-2.5 hours during the day and once at night. So by the time I pump, get jackets and shoes on, get kids in car seats, and drive to moms, I have about an hour before I need to pump again. But I think my biggest reason for not wanting to do it is that I go back to work in 2+ weeks, I want as much time with her as possible

. That said, I'll let her go, and find something for DS and I to do.

cminNJ · January 2012

I wish my mom was closer to babysit.

I two year old can be exhausting if you're not used to it so I understand why your mom would just want the baby. Take her up on it and have a fun day/afterooon w/ your 2yr

FWIW I would have no problem leaving my 5 week old w/ my mom.

shouldbworkin · January 2012

sunandsand:
I EP, so I pump every 2-2.5 hours during the day and once at night. So by the time I pump, get jackets and shoes on, get kids in car seats, and drive to moms, I have about an hour before I need to pump again. But I think my biggest reason for not wanting to do it is that I go back to work in 2+ weeks, I want as much time with her as possible . That said, I'll let her go, and find something for DS and I to do.

Sounds like it's not the best thing for you right now. Just b/c she offered doesn't mean you have to take her up on it. You could tell her that if she really wanted to help she'd take the 2 y/o so that you could rest, clean, etc. I sent #1 to daycare 2-3x a week when #2 was a baby so that I could rest, clean and run errands without him. On the days he was with me, I took him out to do something fun with DD in the sling. As long as she was happy sleeping on me, he didn't even notice she was there and we had a blast. I'd have no problem telling someone who wanted to help me that "Thanks, but if you really want to help me I could really use XYZ." She may say it's not for her, but at least you're not getting help that you don't really need or that is making your life more difficult in the end.

Zenya · January 2012

shouldbworkin:

Sounds like it's not the best thing for you right now. Just b/c she offered doesn't mean you have to take her up on it. You could tell her that if she really wanted to help she'd take the 2 y/o so that you could rest, clean, etc. I sent #1 to daycare 2-3x a week when #2 was a baby so that I could rest, clean and run errands without him. On the days he was with me, I took him out to do something fun with DD in the sling. As long as she was happy sleeping on me, he didn't even notice she was there and we had a blast. I'd have no problem telling someone who wanted to help me that "Thanks, but if you really want to help me I could really use XYZ." She may say it's not for her, but at least you're not getting help that you don't really need or that is making your life more difficult in the end.

Exactly. It doesn't make sense to me why you are sending her when you don't want to. Especially when you're going back to work soon. I'm sure the last thing you want is an afternoon without your newborn!

cbidt*sgirl · January 2012

Zenya:
That's ridiculous. Who voluntarily leaves a 5 week old for no reason?!
eta: maybe I'm unusual? I didn't even take a nap without my baby at that age. Maybe the OP is not breastfeeding. All my kids did at that age was nurse.

well I went back to work part time at 6 weeks. I nursed but pumped right away do I could go back to work quickly 1 day per week. I loved that day away to use my non-mom skills. I also left DS2 early on to go spend an hour at the park alone with DS2. I would nurse, leave as soon as soon as he finished and come back in time to nurse again.

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