I feel like I'm failing as a mom....rant

tiffanyirene · January 2012

DD is going to be 10 months is 6 days and I just feel like I overall suck as a mom. While I try so hard not to compare her to friends babies or even babies on here it's hard. We have BIG sleep issues, she still sleeps in the bed with us (actually she sleeps on me) and she still comfort sucks most nights to go to sleep and wakes up periodically throughout the night to do the same. I've tried weaning her from comfort sucking only to result in screaming for over an hour until I give in and give her what she wants. I feel very defeated, weak and lazy . In terms of sleeping we were going to try to get her to sleep in her pack-n-play which is set up in our room over the Christmas break, but then she got sick and got 2 more teeth so yeah that didn't happen. I try to make myself feel better by reading articles that say it's good for babies to sleep in the same bed but deep down I don't know if this is true.

Aside from the whole sleep thing I don't think DD is where she needs to be at for eating. I read other posts on here about LOs her age eating most things their parents eat and picking up food. Well we just started DD on Graduates and she doesn't at all get the concept of actually putting it in her mouth (however everything else seems to make it in her mouth, go figure). And, because I'm super neurotic I freak out anytime she makes a choking/gasping noise...I can't imagine how I will be when she's eating actually food that doesn't just melt in her mouth.

Sorry, just a rant that I needed to get off my chest cause I'm feeling like a crappy mom....

rosesandpeonies · January 2012

First you aren't a bad mom, I PROMISE! Mommy guilt comes with the territory. Every night I go to bed worrying about something. It is not fun let me tell you.

As far as sleeping...I Can Not sleep with my kids. I need my me time. However, some parents have no problem with it, but that is the key. You both have to be okay with it. If not then when she is feeling better and you are emotionally ready I would start reading some books. I did ferber but that is not for everyone. I would read the no cry sleep solution. It gives some really good ideas on how to stop the comfort sucking and how to start special routines to help her go to sleep on her own. Then maybe at that point you might try something like Ferber....but only if you are comfortable.

I would nix Gerber Graduates....I haven't met many kids that liked them. She might be gagging because she doesn't like the taste. Start giving her soft table foods...sweet potatoes. small pieces of cheese, apples, etc.

You might be surprised. Seriously those graduates are not liked by many. My daughter gagged over the stage three foods and I thought there was an issue....found out she was fine just hated the taste of purees at this point. Usually around this age they start to not like purees and want to eat what you are eating which is not the graduate stuff.

Also, introduce some puffs etc. to get her used to using her fingers and eating on her own.

It will be fine. She is completely fine! She is well loved and that is very important. Don't let the mommy guilt get to you...just gets worse. I now have mommy guilt over the failure to potty train lol.

meheron80 · January 2012

In regards to sleep I had more trouble then her to move her to her room/bed. We did it offically about 4 months ago and she has no cares. We just make sure there is a routine in place. With the comfort sucking (I assume you are breastfeeding) have you tried a 2 oz bottle at night when LO wants to have the comfort. Our LO threw out her paci months ago but will suck on an empty bottle all night if I let her.

As far as eating I also suggest puffs. They disolve so if she inhales one it will disolve quickly. We are meat and pototoes kind of people so I do a lot of ground beef with a vegi on her table in very small peices. We let her go at it. Also try getting vegtable soups. Carrots cut easy when soft, peas they eat. Potatoes just cut small.

And remember you are still a great mom. Not everyone has to be alike. I know we are "failing" in some areas that others would look down on. Heck my LO still gets over 32 oz of formula a day. In one month she is suppose to be around 16 oz.... ya right. We also LOVE our cereal/yogurt bottle in the morning and I don't see that going away anytime soon since that is my time to get ready and she stays put to eat.

inthewater · January 2012

Ahhhh - mother's guilt. You have no reason to feel horrible. But I know that is much easier said than done. Some of the things you're worried about I am longing for! DD is on a nursing strike. I can't even get her to comfort suck! What I wouldn't give to have DD go back to nursing, but nothing works.

I guess the grass is always greener right?

Unfortunately I have no tips or tricks in regards to co-sleeping. I have a friend who still has issues with her oldest (now 3 1/2) and wanting to always sleep with her. I'll keep my fingers crossed you wont be in the same boat.

As far as eating - totally understand the gagging and the panic you get. But as ppl said, try something different. DD loved puffs as her first food. Now that she's discovered cheese, egg, and finger food veggies, she prefers that over the puffs. So it'll come

mesmom2011 · January 2012

You are not a bad mom! You are responding to your LO's needs and that is a good thing! (and needing to be near mama is a need for some LOs)

We bedshare (part time - have the crib side-carred so LO has her own sleep space as needed) and that works for us. LO used to have to sleep on me. I started to nurse side-lying and she falls asleep very well that way and then rolls onto her back. After she was used to that, I started putting her into her crib. The great thing about the side-carred crib is that I can easily get her into her crib without disturbing her and give her a little extra soothing if needed. If she wakes at night, I try giving her the pacifier, but if she wants to eat, I feed her. She is starting to sleep for longer stretches on her own, but it is taking some time to get there. If I were you, I'd start by working on the comfort nursing as that would wear me down. . . does your LO take a pacifier?

As far as feeding goes, all babies are different. I would start by giving LO some puffs for the same reasons as the PP gave. Also, pick her favorite food and try offering that as finger food. So, if your LO likes pureed sweet potatoes, bake a sweet potato and cut it into small chunks and let your LO try to eat it. As you are beginning, you may want to feed her a few so she figures out that they are yummy.

ncbelle · January 2012

You are not a bad mama!

On sleep...do you feel it's an issue because it's not working for you? Or because someone else says co-sleeping is bad? If it's because someone else - ignore! I love bed sharing and wouldn't have it any other way. I nurse to sleep and night nurse as needed. Callum had no trouble transitioning to his own bed and night weaning (which all happened around 15-16 months) when we decided it was time. If it's not working for you anymore, then I'd second the suggestion to check out the No Cry Sleep Solution.

As for eating...first, ditch the Gerber graduates - full of junk and they don't taste like real food! Just do bits of soft foods that you are eating. Eat with her. Give her time. At first she's going to play more than she eats. But if you eat with her, she'll get the idea soon enough. And babies are going to gag when they start on finger foods - but gagging is what keeps them from choking. I know it sounds scary but it's just a quick phase and soon she'll be a pro!

So pat yourself on the back - you love your baby and are doing just great!

Britwilde · January 2012

Your not a bad mom by any means!

I am also having a hard time with solids. I watch him like a hawk whenever he eats. Puffs are really good also Mum-Mums. You can get them at Target, they are actually really good! They are like banana rice cakes. Cheerios are really good and I have had good experience with graham crackers (not too much- they give diarrhea). I make LOs food and I will just make them a little more chunky. Like sweet potatoes and what not.

For the sleeping. I use to be LO sleeps in his bed and thats that. Now that he is teething and sleeping with us more and more so we can keep our sanity, I actually miss him when he doesn't sleep with us! He is not a big cuddle bug anymore and at night that is the only time that I have that time.

The important thing is, is that your LO is loved. And to me its sounds like you would do anything for her. That is what she needs the most. She will learn things on her own pace. When she is ready she will do it. Try to have patience. Your doing great!

Want a personalized experience?

I feel like I'm failing as a mom....rant

Re: I feel like I'm failing as a mom....rant

Choose Another Board

Search Boards