Calling all natural birth mamas!

KelliLynee · January 2012

We are (very cautiously) expecting again after three losses. (DD is 2.5). If all goes well, I will be released from my RE at 8 weeks and will resume care with my OB, however I have been considering a natural birth for my next delivery since I had DD. Everything went fine with her, but in retrospect I was probably unnecessarily given pitocin (and then needed an epidural, etc). Anyways, a local birth center just merged with a local hospital and I now have the option to work totally with midwives and deliver naturally, but in an independent birthing center located in (and associated with) the hospital. I would never be able to get DH on board with a home birth, but this seems like the perfect solution for our family. I told him about this new option in our area, which is staffed by some very highly recommended midwives in the area, and he said he'd "just like to do what we did last time." Since I am the one delivering, he will obviously go alone with whatever I choose, and in general he just isnt a big fan of change (hence wanting to do what wee did last time), but I want him to understand the reasoning behind wanting a natural childbirth, even though everything went perfectly fine with our DD last time. He is a reasonable guy, and I think he will get it and maybe even be an advocate for natural birth once he learns more about it, but I wasn't really able to articulate the reasons its important in a way that would help a man's mind understand. (besides, i feel like i am getting a bit ahead of myself, given my history). So I am wondering if anyone can point me to a helpful and SHORT article to help a male brain see the benefits of a natural birth. It would be much appreciated!

ncbelle · January 2012

Congrats and sticky dust for you! I can't think of a short article of the top of my head but I'm sure you'll get some suggestions (or try the natural birth board if you don't). Would he be open to watching something like the Business of Being Born? It's clearly slanted towards natural birth but I think it lays out the pros for it as well as the benefits of something other than the traditional medical model of birth.

Your siggy pic is awesome by the way ;-)

KelliLynee · January 2012

ncbelle:
Congrats and sticky dust for you! I can't think of a short article of the top of my head but I'm sure you'll get some suggestions (or try the natural birth board if you don't). Would he be open to watching something like the Business of Being Born? It's clearly slanted towards natural birth but I think it lays out the pros for it as well as the benefits of something other than the traditional medical model of birth.
Your siggy pic is awesome by the way ;-)

Thanks NCBelle. I totally forgot there was a natural birth board! I watched the Business of Being Born and wasn't blown away the way everyone made me think I would be. It's very clearly slanted against hospitals (and maybe appropriately so for many reasons), but I think it would rub DH the wrong way & think I want a natural birth just because of some movie propaganda. lol. I will await more responses and also repost on the natural birth board later (when i am not bumping from my phone). Thank you for the sticky dust and for the siggy love : )

rosiemomma · January 2012

https://www.betterbirth.com/advice-dads-to-dads

https://www.betterbirth.com/home-vs-hospital

https://www.gentlebirth.org/format/myths.html#Technology

this is what I have...

hope this helps.

KelliLynee · January 2012

rosiemomma:
https://www.betterbirth.com/advice-dads-to-dads
https://www.betterbirth.com/home-vs-hospital
https://www.gentlebirth.org/format/myths.html#Technology
this is what I have...
hope this helps.

Thanks! Off to read them now.

3003girl · January 2012

Honestly what struck me the most when I was making my decision were other people's stories about their natural birth. I just really wanted to feel the birth after reading so many inspiring stories. It also made sense to me that childbirth and labor are not diseases or ailments that need to be treated in a hospital. They are natural occurrences that don't need interference (well, normally, of course there are instances where modern medicine saves lives and babies)

I gave birth in a birthing center because I liked the safety of having medical stuff there, but the comfort of the midwives and non- hospital environment.

i wonder if he would be swayed by other couples stories? The place I gave birth has a bunch of stories on their website, some told from the pov of the guy. Google the midwife center in Pittsburgh.

KelliLynee · January 2012

solidio:
Honestly what struck me the most when I was making my decision were other people's stories about their natural birth. I just really wanted to feel the birth after reading so many inspiring stories. It also made sense to me that childbirth and labor are not diseases or ailments that need to be treated in a hospital. They are natural occurrences that don't need interference (well, normally, of course there are instances where modern medicine saves lives and babies)
I gave birth in a birthing center because I liked the safety of having medical stuff there, but the comfort of the midwives and non- hospital environment.
i wonder if he would be swayed by other couples stories? The place I gave birth has a bunch of stories on their website, some told from the pov of the guy. Google the midwife center in Pittsburgh.

This is a huge factor in my reasoning. I told DH, people talk about natural birth with the same passion as I do about breastfeeding. (It seems overwhelming, it may not be the norm in your area, it seems like there is an easier way out (pumping, or formula, or an epidural for birth-whatever), but that if you put the work into it it will be SO worth it). But then his comment was "yeah but there are actual physical benefits to the baby for breastfeeding" and I said "yes, and there are for natural birth as well!" but then my explanation didn't seem to convince him, hence the need for this post. He is a HUGE breastfeeding advocate and was instrumental in my success (I had a pretty hard time and he supported me and helped me get through those first rough 5-6 weeks). So I know deep down he will feel passionate about this, once he learns more about it. Thanks for the link!

theladyjess · January 2012

KelliLynee:
solidio:

Honestly what struck me the most when I was making my decision were other people's stories about their natural birth. I just really wanted to feel the birth after reading so many inspiring stories. It also made sense to me that childbirth and labor are not diseases or ailments that need to be treated in a hospital. They are natural occurrences that don't need interference (well, normally, of course there are instances where modern medicine saves lives and babies)

I gave birth in a birthing center because I liked the safety of having medical stuff there, but the comfort of the midwives and non- hospital environment.

i wonder if he would be swayed by other couples stories? The place I gave birth has a bunch of stories on their website, some told from the pov of the guy. Google the midwife center in Pittsburgh.

This is a huge factor in my reasoning. I told DH, people talk about natural birth with the same passion as I do about breastfeeding. (It seems overwhelming, it may not be the norm in your area, it seems like there is an easier way out (pumping, or formula, or an epidural for birth-whatever), but that if you put the work into it it will be SO worth it). But then his comment was "yeah but there are actual physical benefits to the baby for breastfeeding" and I said "yes, and there are for natural birth as well!" but then my explanation didn't seem to convince him, hence the need for this post. He is a HUGE breastfeeding advocate and was instrumental in my success (I had a pretty hard time and he supported me and helped me get through those first rough 5-6 weeks). So I know deep down he will feel passionate about this, once he learns more about it. Thanks for the link!

Lurker and FTM here. We learned in our BFing class that babies who are born w/out the mother having an epi are more alert after birth and therefore BF sooner and with more vigor than babies who's mom's had epis. The lactation nurse who was running the class showed us a video of unmedicated babies making their way up mom's chest and to the brest. Babies who's mom's had had an epi just kind of laid there and did nothing.

My hubby and I took a Bradley Childbirth class. It really helped him get on board w/ NB and see the benifits of it. I knew he'd never read a book or watch a movie on NB so classes were the only way to get him involved. The Bradley method really stresses on the dad being the labor coach and being involved in supporting the laboring woman. Since your DH was so helpful w/ BFing I'm sure he'd be into helping you labor as well.

lynnblack · January 2012

We did hypnobirthing and read the book together and that got DH on board. We had a hospital birth (birth centers and homebirths are not covered by my ins.) however I labored at home as long as possible so I was not in the hospital long enough for them to get going on the interventions.

LouiseB2001 · January 2012

Crossing my fingers for a sticky baby for you! No actual advice but I can wholeheartedly recommend the birthcenter in a hospital combination. I was lucky that my local university hospital had such center with wonderful midwives. I ended up giving birth at the actual medical ward instead of the birthcenter but with only midwives and a doula. It was great to have the combination of midwives in a hospital in case something would go wrong. (this is btw common practice in most of the rest of the western world) I'm sure you will be able to convince your DH :-)

aliska · January 2012

Congrats! I don't have any links for you, but my DH was similar. He was hesitant but would do whatever I wanted. We went to an out of hospital birth center and took their natural childbirth class. Now DH is a huge proponent of natural birth and birth centers. I had to kick him while at his class reunion to stop talking about the birth of DD.

KelliLynee · January 2012

I love all of your responses. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me! We need to get through these next few weeks first, but if I make it that far (crossing fingers!) then I will get talking to him about all of this. I read all of the links last night and there are some great websites out there that really address some concerns from a dad's point of view.

whirli · January 2012

KelliLynee:
I love all of your responses. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me! We need to get through these next few weeks first, but if I make it that far (crossing fingers!) then I will get talking to him about all of this. I read all of the links last night and there are some great websites out there that really address some concerns from a dad's point of view.

Sticky dust to you!! I live in upstate NY too. I delivered at a local birthing center and loved it! It was the best of both worlds. What i liked best was the flexibility. I was seen mostly by midwives in the practice (met the doctor once) and the midwife on duty delivered my daughter. I was able to go med free but there was also the option of an epidural if I had chosen. The birthing center was next to the hospital so if there were any complications we could go right over. They were also equipped to do c-sections if needed. The flexibility of it all really sold to me. I also really appreciated the fact that I was able to spend most of labor in a nice hot shower and walk around at all times. My labor was long and I ended up pushing for few hours (I was exhausted!) and I'm not convinced a hospital would have allowed me to go that long without intervening. My midwife was so patient and helpful during it all. I also appreciated that they never offered me an epidural during labor since they knew my wishes as I may have caved haha. But it was always an option if I'd have asked.

I'd suggest going on a tour with your husband at the birthing center so he can get a feel for it. Also stress that it's not all or nothing. If we hadn't had the center I think my husband would have eventually been on board with a homebirth but we luckily didn't have to make that decision.

ETA: Another bonus about the center was that I labored, delivered and recovered all in the same room. I was able to hold DD as soon as she was born (I even helped pull her out) and had immediate skin-to-skin contact. They don't even do any measurements until you've had bonding time. The only time she left my side during the stay was for the heal prick. There was also a couch that pulled out so DH could sleep there as well. I really enjoyed that bonding time. They also had a great LC on staff and the nurses all helped with BF.

KelliLynee · January 2012

whirli:
KelliLynee:
I love all of your responses. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me! We need to get through these next few weeks first, but if I make it that far (crossing fingers!) then I will get talking to him about all of this. I read all of the links last night and there are some great websites out there that really address some concerns from a dad's point of view.
Sticky dust to you!! I live in upstate NY too. I delivered at a local birthing center and loved it! It was the best of both worlds. What i liked best was the flexibility. I was seen mostly by midwives in the practice (met the doctor once) and the midwife on duty delivered my daughter. I was able to go med free but there was also the option of an epidural if I had chosen. The birthing center was next to the hospital so if there were any complications we could go right over. They were also equipped to do c-sections if needed. The flexibility of it all really sold to me. I also really appreciated the fact that I was able to spend most of labor in a nice hot shower and walk around at all times. My labor was long and I ended up pushing for few hours (I was exhausted!) and I'm not convinced a hospital would have allowed me to go that long without intervening. My midwife was so patient and helpful during it all. I also appreciated that they never offered me an epidural during labor since they knew my wishes as I may have caved haha. But it was always an option if I'd have asked.
I'd suggest going on a tour with your husband at the birthing center so he can get a feel for it. Also stress that it's not all or nothing. If we hadn't had the center I think my husband would have eventually been on board with a homebirth but we luckily didn't have to make that decision.
ETA: Another bonus about the center was that I labored, delivered and recovered all in the same room. I was able to hold DD as soon as she was born (I even helped pull her out) and had immediate skin-to-skin contact. They don't even do any measurements until you've had bonding time. The only time she left my side during the stay was for the heal prick. There was also a couch that pulled out so DH could sleep there as well. I really enjoyed that bonding time. They also had a great LC on staff and the nurses all helped with BF.

Thank you so much! Where abouts do you live? We are near Albany. If you are nearby, where did you deliver? Btw- love your DDs name- mine is Lilah : )

SandiaPinaMama · January 2012

I'm a little brain-dead tonight, but I wanted to share some (albeit a bit random) thoughts with you.

We delivered at a hospital with midwives. It was amazing. I even had PIH/Pre-e, and still delivered drug-free. I had the medical care that DH and I both felt more comfortable with having, but had the experience of a truly positive birth experience. I highly recommend.

In my opinion, every woman who gives birth should read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. This totally shaped my experience. The first half of the book is birth stories, but they are nothing like you'll find online. The second half is instructions on how to achieve those birth stories. I started reading it on my own. Then I read one story to DH, and another, and another. I ended up reading the whole book out loud to him. It was excellent preparation. Better than a birth class. DH (who is absolutely anti-reading) was really glad. Now he walks around lecturing people about pitocin and epidurals and breastfeeding. It's adorable.

Go meet the midwives. That will tell you a lot. Read the book no matter what you decide. Good luck, and sticky dust to you!

whirli · January 2012

KelliLynee:
Thank you so much! Where abouts do you live? We are near Albany. If you are nearby, where did you deliver? Btw- love your DDs name- mine is Lilah : )

YGPM Big Smile

KelliLynee · January 2012

whirli:

KelliLynee:
Thank you so much! Where abouts do you live? We are near Albany. If you are nearby, where did you deliver? Btw- love your DDs name- mine is Lilah : )

YGPM

Replied.

Adelaide85 · January 2012

We did Bradley classes, my husband went from knowing nothing about birth and having no interest whatsoever to the best coach I could have imagined. He even recognized transition, and let the nurse know I would be ready to push soon (I didn't even know!) maybe you two could do some Bradley research, he may like the idea of being your coach.

Congrats to you

KelliLynee · January 2012

Adelaide85:
We did Bradley classes, my husband went from knowing nothing about birth and having no interest whatsoever to the best coach I could have imagined. He even recognized transition, and let the nurse know I would be ready to push soon (I didn't even know!) maybe you two could do some Bradley research, he may like the idea of being your coach.

Congrats to you

Thanks! Im actually not sure if DH would love being a coach, but perhaps with the classes he will. He was present and supportive during my labor with DD, but didn't want to be responsible for anything. lol. But then again, I had an epidural at 5cm and didn't feel a thing after, so it's not like I needed much, right?

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