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how do you respond when your LO uses inappropriate language?

KathrynMDKathrynMD member
in Pre-School and Daycare

Up until today, the only problem word we've had is DD saying "butt" instead of heiney - and she knows that we use the word "heiney" and that its a nice word.  "Butt" isn't wrong but its not nice. 

Today - out of nowhere, she said to me "are you stupid?" but she totally KNEW it was "bad" word and not nice, b/c she had the same testing look she has when she uses butt.  I immediately said "that's not a nice word" etc. and she was embarrassed and wouldn't look at me, etc. but she was also HIGHLY amused with herself.

I don't want to over or underreact to this.

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Re: how do you respond when your LO uses inappropriate language?

  • mavs_girl07mavs_girl07 member
    We've had this happen a couple of times, and with DD the less we pay attention to it, the faster it goes away.  About 6 months ago, she brought the word "sh!t" home from school.  I was flabberghasted, but completely ignored it as if I didn't even hear it.  She said it a few more times after that, but we completely blocked it out and ignored it.  It was gone a few days later and I haven't heard it from her since.  Every once in awhile we hear her say "butt", but we ignore that one too.  Typically she's just trying to see our reaction to these words, so ignoring works best for us. 
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  • jsugrinjsugrin member

    Words like stupid, hate, ect we talk about why they are hurtful words and what they really mean.  We've been pretty fortunate in regards to any word testing and it more something I hear older brother saying to younger brother.  When we talk about meaning it's clear he has no idea what it really means and once he understands than that's it, we don't hear it again.  We've so far totally dodged the foul language bullet but my plan is to say those are yucky words that sometimes adults use when they are mad or frustrated but it's not ok for adults or kids to say them.

     If my kids did something that was obviously a hey what's mama going to do with this one, I'd explain and then ignore after that.

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  • franciscazfranciscaz member

    This has been an increasing issue as Harm has been in pre-k.  We just tell him "Harmon we don't talk like this and if you say that word again..."  We give him a punishment so he knows what will happen (normally it is a time out or a taking away a toy for the day) and we follow through on it.  Harm knows when we say something we mean business so he doesn't push his luck b/c we follow through.

    Also we have to watch ourselves better.  Both DH and I are in construction and I get sassy in my speech.  Since I work from home part of the time this can be troublesome.  If I say on the phone I'm gonna kick your butt if you don't get it to me by Friday Harmon will be like "mommy that is a bad word and you are being mean" so I have to apologize on the phone and to him Stick out tongue 

    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
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  • SpenjaminsSpenjamins
    "Mommy, you said stupid...that is not a nice word".  DH and I really have to watch it.
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  • Smores730Smores730 member
    My DD has picked up "damn it." Glares at DH.. It comes and goes and sometimes we don't hear it for a long time and then damn it she says it again, hah! She uses it correctly in context so whenever she does I tell her it's not a nice word to use, let's say "oh no" instead.
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  • septemberdreamsseptemberdreams
    As other posters have mentioned, my DS's teacher told me the kids who speak inappropriately hear it at home and bring it to school.  My DS has never used inappropriate language at home but did once or twice at school.  He'll tell me about others using inappropriate language and how it's not nice.
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  • eshaffereshaffer

    Am I alone in thinking that "butt" isn't a bad word?? It's what it is. As long as he's not calling someone a "butthead" or something else not nice I'm not going to make an issue out of it. I can't picture DS going to school and calling it a heiny, I would think he'd get laughed at. But that's just me.

    However, to answer your question, I firmly say "we don't use that word, I don't want to hear it again...do you understand me?" And he'll say yes. Luckily I haven't had a problem with repeating things too much (except after we saw Puss in Boots and he started telling kids to stop being a p*ssy.) OMG. He didn't really understand the "*** cat" and what was wrong about the other word, so we just explained that it's not a nice word and please don't use it (like he did on Christmas day.) Embarrassed

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    Matthew James 1/11/07
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  • jsugrinjsugrin member
    imageeshaffer:

    Am I alone in thinking that "butt" isn't a bad word?? It's what it is. As long as he's not calling someone a "butthead" or something else not nice I'm not going to make an issue out of it. I can't picture DS going to school and calling it a heiny, I would think he'd get laughed at. But that's just me.

    However, to answer your question, I firmly say "we don't use that word, I don't want to hear it again...do you understand me?" And he'll say yes. Luckily I haven't had a problem with repeating things too much (except after we saw Puss in Boots and he started telling kids to stop being a p*ssy.) OMG. He didn't really understand the "*** cat" and what was wrong about the other word, so we just explained that it's not a nice word and please don't use it (like he did on Christmas day.) Embarrassed

    You're not alone, in fact when we were kids my grandmother was always all over us about not using "butt" and we thought she was so rediculous.  That being said, we don't use it and I'm glad.  I started saying Rump when DS #1 was just a baby and it stuck.  Maybe it's having two boys but I'll tell you, I hear the word rump so many times every single day that I'm glad it's not butt.   There is something about butt that sounds harsher to my ear, so while it's not a word that I think is *bad* per se but I'm still glad I don't have to hear it all day long.

    Also, the argument that it is what is is, I see that a lot and it's totally a false argument.  Butt is a slang word, it's a made up as anything else, it's just more socially "normal".  If you want to be correct about what it actually is you'd be saying gluteas maximus (sp?). As far as kindergarten, my kids been in preschool for about a 1 1/2 years and so far has had no issue either with bring home "butt" or getting teased.  I figure that most likely that will change next fall when he started, what is called here, Transitional Kinder that he'll both here it and start using it.  My plan is to let him know that we just don't think it's such a nice word but a lot of people use it and it's not necessarily wrong.  Once he hits public school it's not something I'm going to fight.

    I will say that you totally made me lol with the *** story.  I can just see him saying it all day on Christmas and being confused on why it's a bad word now. 

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